ADHD in girls

#BPD #Relationships #Splitting #ADHDInGirls

For much of my life, I overlooked my mental health. Perhaps it was because it wasn’t taught in school or because I was never evaluated as a child. Now, I finally understand it better. I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. For years, I only knew about the latter two. I had other underlying issues left untreated. Though my diagnoses were difficult to accept, they helped me find the missing puzzle piece I had been searching for my entire life.

For so long, I tried to fit in. I spent time and effort trying to be "normal" but remained hidden, lurking in darkness. My inner demons haunted me like ghosts from the past. To get by, I suppressed my struggles, creating a dusty room of boundless cabinets, untouched for years, waiting to be organized.

Every day, I wear a mask, carefully crafted to keep my head above water. But how long can one wear a mask without suffocating? I’ve held mine up my entire life, and it’s painful to keep up. It’s a complex mask that cannot simply be removed—it requires caution and delicacy. I’m starting to reveal the person behind it, but it remains my crutch, my anchor.

I have always been a people pleaser, finding joy in seeing others happy. My happiness often depends on others' well-being. I don’t like confrontation or drama. I want everyone to get along so I can sit in the corner comfortably, even if I feel miserable. I enjoy being alone, without truly being alone.

My knack for uplifting others has come in handy, but I’ve completely forgotten to include myself. I feel burnt out from years of supporting people, putting my own needs last, believing my worth was tied to how much I could give. Lately, I’m shifting that focus—I, too, deserve the kindness I give others. Slowly, I’m learning to show up for myself in the way I need and deserve.

I’ve come to understand that life rarely unfolds as imagined, and I’ve struggled with this. No matter how much effort I put in, the outcome is never guaranteed. Society pressures us with expectations—marriage, kids, homeownership, financial stability. Not everything ends like a Disney movie.

For a long time, I believed these expectations would come true. When they didn’t, I felt worthless and disappointed in myself. I fought an uphill battle, chasing aspirations just out of reach. The fear of never measuring up weighed heavily on me. I spiraled into depression and self-loathing, feeling broken, disconnected, and as if I were merely existing rather than living.

Now, I’m learning to sit with uncertainty instead of letting it consume me. I’m unraveling my layers, putting the puzzle together piece by piece. I’m confronting the pain of being overlooked and misunderstood. I wasted too much time focusing on what I felt was wrong with me that I lost touch with knowing the real me. Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about embracing it.

I believed independence meant handling everything alone, and I preferred it that way. Stubborn, yes, but I disliked asking for help. I took pride in doing things on my own. When I couldn’t, I got frustrated. I thought relying on others was weakness, but I’ve realized that asking for help is necessary. Some of our greatest strengths come from vulnerability, and I’m working on that.

I’m still the shy, reserved person I’ve always been, but I no longer see it as something to be ashamed of. Being quiet and awkward doesn’t make me less worthy of being seen. Slowly, I’m letting my guard down, chiseling at the concrete wall I built around myself. Every day is a challenge, but it’s worth fighting for. Because at the end of the day, I only have myself to rely on. The greatest gift I can give myself is acceptance, and I’m finally ready to receive it.

I want to leave my mark, make an impression, and show the world I exist—that my voice matters. My diagnoses have given me the courage to stand tall and be proud of who I am. I am uniquely different, and that makes me special. My journey is ongoing, and I will continue to grow. I no longer wish to hide in the shadows. Instead, I will step into the light and claim my space in this world.

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." — Carl Jung

#ADHD #ADHDInGirls #Neurodiversity #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Bipolar

If I had to compare myself to an animal, I’d choose the Arctic fox. This animal has always stood out to me. It might be because of a high school project where we had to pick our spirit animal. I remember choosing the Arctic fox back then because they’re cute, highly adaptable, and clever. Even now, I still see those traits in myself.

I also wanted to pick an animal suited for colder weather. I thrive in the cold—it makes me feel awake and alive. Maybe that’s because of my temperature dysregulation. I’m constantly overheated, always sweating, feeling like I’m boiling from the inside out. The cold is a relief, like a much-needed breath of fresh air.

Arctic foxes have thick fur that changes with the seasons—white in the winter for camouflage, brownish-gray in the summer. Behaviorally, they are extremely adaptable to their environment. That’s something I had to learn quickly in life—to adapt, even when it felt impossible. I’ve had to find comfort in places where I felt uneasy. Take school, for example—I hated it. The drama, the noise, the people. But since I had no choice but to be there every day, I had to learn how to adjust.

Arctic foxes are both solitary and social. They live alone but sometimes form small groups in the winter for hunting. I relate to that balance. I cherish my solitude. I thrive in my own space. However, if I isolate myself for too long, I end up emerging from my “burrow” looking like a disheveled raccoon. It’s as if I’ve been trapped in a bunker for months.

These foxes are also resourceful and quick, using their compact bodies to escape predators. I can’t physically escape like that. However, I can mentally shift gears quickly. I dart from thought to thought, battling or evading my inner “predators” with skill. I know my mind better than anyone, and I understand the fight-or-flight response all too well.

So, if I were any animal, I’d definitely be an Arctic fox. It just fits—instinctively, naturally, and completely.

“Be like a fox. Cunning, resourceful, and adaptable.” --Unknown

#MentalHealth #adaptability #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #AutismSpectrumDisorder #animal #DisruptiveMoodDysregulationDisorder

“What’s wrong?” Is a question that really irks me. When I’m feeling down and depressed, this is the last thing that I want to hear. This is most often the case. It triggers me to breakdown the barriers and release a flood of emotions. I don’t enjoy sharing an autistic meltdown in public. However, it is an emotional set-off that I can’t seem to control.

When I feel pressured to answer, I just simply say, “nope, nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.” However, once I say that, I need to retreat to a quiet space. I need to let out the pent up feelings and emotions that I’ve bottled up for so long. Yes, this question is something that people should appreciate. It means that the other person genuinely cares how I’m doing. I just can’t seem to shake off the irritation from hearing those words. It’s like, nothing was wrong until you mentioned it.

The reason I react the way that I do is because everything always seems wrong in my world. When I’m in a major depressive state of mind, that is a question that holds a lot of weight. I often hold everything in. I keep suppressing my feelings until they reach the edges. I’m about ready to fall off the cliff. For years, I’ve done this. I know it isn’t healthy. It isn’t proper self-care, but I can’t help it. There is something within me that hurts immensely deep down. Perhaps there is a lot of compartmentalized situations I’ve yet to deal with. I’m just trying my best to navigate this.

But, how does one change something that has become so much of a natural reaction? I just want to yell, scream, and run. I try my best to numb it out. As I had mentioned, it is a trigger. It’s innate for me to react in ways that are detrimental to the other person. I suppose it’s because I feel a form of judgment or rejection. This situation is an embarrassment to me, and the other person.

I understand that the intention comes from a good place. However, for me, it causes overwhelming anxiety. For someone like me, it doesn’t offer a safe environment to open up and be vulnerable. It instead creates a hostility and discomfort within myself. It certainly is a process, but I’m working on handling these restless and intentional feelings.

So, if you find yourself wanting to ask someone like me what’s wrong, consider a different approach. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

“Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.” —Mandy Hale

#MentalHealth #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #rejection sensitivity dysphoria #AutismSpectrumDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #Depression

Boredom is an unbearable feeling. It’s not just the absence of entertainment or socialization. It’s an ache. It’s a frustration. It’s a deep sigh waiting to be exhaled. Boredom strikes me in many forms. These include small talk and under-stimulation. It also includes people taking forever to get to the point when I already know where their story is going. Redundant conversations drain me. When someone tells me the same story for the umpteenth time, I feel that strong urge to groan. It’s overwhelming, long, and miserable to be honest.

I get bored very easily. When that boredom lingers too long, it morphs into something worse. It turns into fatigue, irritation, and eventually, a depressive spiral. The longer I sit in boredom, the more difficult it becomes to pull myself out of it. It diminishes my energy, my motivation, and my sense of purpose. I crave stimulation, something to light that spark in me again. I went years feeling lost, and out of touch with myself, that I could hardly get out of bed. So I need to dive deep into something that fuels my fire.

What excites me? Writing. Reading fantasy novels that transport me to different worlds. Watching baseball and getting lost in the strategy and excitement of the game. Cooking and discovering new restaurants that awaken my taste buds. Watching high-quality dramas and movies that make me think and feel deeply.

I’m a pop culture buff, a mental health advocate, and an enthusiast for all things that bring me joy. I thrive on deep meaningful conversations, and meaningful interactions. Being around my friends and family keeps me going. I feel engaged, and genuinely happy. The presence of people who bring energy and joy into my life is invaluable.

But when I don’t have that, and when I’m left in the dullness of mundane tasks, the boredom becomes alarming. It drains my spirit and leaves me feeling completely empty and uninspired to do anything. If I linger in that space for too long, I start to lose interest in things. These are things that usually make me happy. It’s the lack of stimulation that becomes suffocating, and everything just seems to fall to the waste-side.

So, the solution is finding ways to keep my mind active and engaged. I try seeking out new experiences, trying to find new passions, and ensure that I’m always working on something. I need that stimulation to keep my morale up and push forward. Whether it is through writing, diving into a new book, or having an engaging conversation. I guess overall, all I really want is satisfaction..

Boredom isn’t just an inconvenience—it’s a trap. And I refuse to stay stuck in it.#MentalHealth #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #Depression #Anxiety #boredom

This quote really helped me understand the point behind regulating our emotions- so we could withstand the storm without getting blown away.
It's totally okay to feel your feelings, however intense they may be. Your feelings are what make you human. 💖

#PTSD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Addiction #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CeliacDisease #ADHDInGirls