Autistic burnout sucks. I started losing my ability to verbalize 100% coherently on Friday night. I can speak, it's not like a selective mutism. But I've spoken so much in the past week and in a very masked way, that trying to convey complex thoughts verbally seems impossible now.
It's so frustrating when this happens that I involuntary start crying and it's hard to stop.
Visiting family is great. But I may have to be way more deliberate about my boundaries and taking breaks to be completely alone.
I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.
In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.
Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.
I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.
From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.
Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.
Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.
That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.
Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.
I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.
So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.
I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.
#Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
#EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
#ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
#Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain
I have an upcoming trip scheduled to visit my husband's family for a week. His father passed in 2021 so it's only his mom currently at the house.
I am #Autistic and am usually triggered into anxiety when I am in someone else's space for an extended period of time. I feel like I can't fully be myself in this space and the masking causes extreme overload.
In the past, after about 3 or 4 days, I usually end up having a meltdown for a couple of hours. Locking myself in a room alone.
Does anyone have tips or advice for mitigating this?
I cannot completely unmask in front of my MIL, she is an evangelical Christian and I am an atheist with a dark sense of humor. We have an okay relationship, but she will never know me fully.
Hello. New here at The Mighty. In my early 40s. Went to a neuropsychologist last year (after lifelong treatment resistant depression) suspecting Autism and came out with both Autism and ADHD.
Currently in a bit of a grief process, thinking about the things I missed out on (4 year college is one) because I thought they were "hard" and not meant for me. Not realizing if I had known then I could have asked for accommodations.
It doesn't help to ruminate on tue "what ifs" but I still need to process.