The grief and sadness and shame and everything else i feel is enough to shatter me daily.. Leaving me crying and shaking on the bathroom floor at 2am. These mental traumas and painful heartaches are too much for me. I've tried everying I possibly can to get better..i need help.
#ClinicalDepression
#Seperationanixety
#PanicDisorder
#EatingDisorders
#Selfharm
#SucideSurvivor
#BodyDysmorphicDisorder
#CPTSD
#SocialAnxiety
#AlwaysExhausted 😰
Welcome to my pity party;
Super-soft blankies to the left, crying fits to the right, & the overall theme is:
BA-BA-DA-DAAAAA....
🥳DEPRESSION. 🥳
Sure, the seasons cange & I "should" get a "happy light". DON'T PUT YOUR "SHOULD" ON ME!!!
(thanks for that line Lola Pickett)
Today, I am focusing on #Depression because my #Fibromyaliga hates changes of seasons & takes it's painful hatred out on me (for frame of reference: a couple days ago it was 60 degrees F & last night it started snowing. I think we have 4 or 5 inches right now). The days have been full of "to do" lists and good intentions; only to be crushed by the reality of #ChronicFatigue , #ChronicPain , #CPTSD , #FibroFog , #ChronicNausea , #chronicunsteadiness , #ChronicIllness , #Highly Sensitive Person or HSP #emotionalempath , #BPD , & all the usual suspects... The days have been crushed by the reality that my life is no longer my own to do with as I please. Sound familiar? Re-read the first paragraph. 😫
I am working on bilateral thinking; instead of saying "this OR that", I am trying to think in terms of "this AND that".
Instead of "I can have depression OR I can support others in a positive way.", I have intentionally changed it to:
"I have depression AND I can support others in a positive way."
I have chronic fatigue AND I can find the energy to do my laundry.
Everything hurts and I'm dying AND I can gather enough spoons to shower today.
I'm trying, right?
AND, at the end of the day, all we can do is to keep trying to do our best, right?
Baby steps.
I'm going to go find my meds & my super- soft blankie... 🥱
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