emotionalempath

Welcome to my pity party;
Super-soft blankies to the left, crying fits to the right, & the overall theme is:
BA-BA-DA-DAAAAA....
🥳DEPRESSION. 🥳

Sure, the seasons cange & I "should" get a "happy light". DON'T PUT YOUR "SHOULD" ON ME!!!
(thanks for that line Lola Pickett)

Today, I am focusing on #Depression because my #Fibromyaliga hates changes of seasons & takes it's painful hatred out on me (for frame of reference: a couple days ago it was 60 degrees F & last night it started snowing. I think we have 4 or 5 inches right now). The days have been full of "to do" lists and good intentions; only to be crushed by the reality of #ChronicFatigue , #ChronicPain , #CPTSD , #FibroFog , #ChronicNausea , #chronicunsteadiness , #ChronicIllness , #Highly Sensitive Person or HSP #emotionalempath , #BPD , & all the usual suspects... The days have been crushed by the reality that my life is no longer my own to do with as I please. Sound familiar? Re-read the first paragraph. 😫

I am working on bilateral thinking; instead of saying "this OR that", I am trying to think in terms of "this AND that".
Instead of "I can have depression OR I can support others in a positive way.", I have intentionally changed it to:
"I have depression AND I can support others in a positive way."

I have chronic fatigue AND I can find the energy to do my laundry.

Everything hurts and I'm dying AND I can gather enough spoons to shower today.

I'm trying, right?

AND, at the end of the day, all we can do is to keep trying to do our best, right?

Baby steps.

I'm going to go find my meds & my super- soft blankie... 🥱

#dontjudgelol
#AlwaysExhausted
#fibrowarrior
#Spoonie

"Someone who has the same thing you have is better at their job." (Not to me specifically, but on a live national conference call this morning.) & then he implied that it was used as "an excuse".

Appalled, angry and in tears feeling the loss of my health prior to Fibromyalgia, I'm sharing this rant:

Feeling frustrated that I can't be who I was before #Fibromyalgia .
I can't think clearly most of the time because of the #FibroFog .
I can't speak as eloquently because my nervous system is screaming "PAIN PAIN PAIN" & my brain is so busy trying to process that, that I get mush mouth, or forget what I'm saying WHILE I'm saying it. Most if the time, I don't want to talk at all. To anyone. No matter who they are or how much I love them.
I can't focus on one activity for more than half an hour before getting a headache.
I wouldn't dare try to climb mountains like I used to for fear of the severe flare I would be in for.
Time doesn't make sense any more; probably because no matter what day of the week it is, I'm in pain. No matter what time of the day, I'm fatigued. No matter what the holiday, my biggest concern is getting it over and done with so I can get back home and be more comfortable.
My career used to be a priority. And I could not have more feelings of apathy toward it now.
I have #Anxiety now.
I have #CarpalTunnelSyndrome now.
I have pretty pronounced #Depression now.
I have #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder .
I have #CPTSD .
I am a #Highly Sensitive Person or HSP now.
I am an #emotionalempath .
I suffer from #ChronicFatigue , #MentalHealth issues, #ChronicPain , #chronic dizziness, #ChronicNausea #chronicunsteadiness , falls, bruising I can't explain, memory issues, dry mouth, weight gain, swelling in the legs and feet, sleep disturbances, insomnia... you name it.
Still pissed that I can't be who I was before this. Still wish I could turn back the clock. Still angry. Still venting.

Still reading? Why?