Hey there, today is hard. Apparently my fiancée had asked me earlier this week if I wanted to go up to another town about 30 min away to hang out with some of his coworkers today. But with depression and brain fog it slipped my mind and I woke up feeling excited to spend a cozy day at home with my fiancée, until he reminded me about the plans. I instantly started to feel anxiety and dread.
I expressed this to him right away in a calm manner, and decided I am not going to go. I feel like in my life right now I am surviving from minute to minute and I’m absolutely exhausted; I feel like attending the event would push me over the edge and past my limits. I also expressed that I was feeling anxious about him going, because I feel that we’ve had absolutely no quality time together recently and I’m starting to not feel like a priority to him and I am not very satisfied with where we are at in our relationship right now.
For context, he works like 14 hour days most days of the week, and his last day off, he ALSO spent the whole day with this same group of work friends that he had planned to go see today. So in my brain it started compounding like he sees them all day at work, and he’s been spending a lot of time with them outside of work, so I just feel a bit resentful and in need of assurance because I don’t feel like we’ve had any quality time recently.
Also, I just lost my job due to mental health, and started a new medication, so I feel like my world has been turned upside down and I’m really hurting and I feel that I desperately need my partner for support in this time.
But he was extremely angry at me for insinuating that I’d prefer him not to go and that I really need some quality time with him. He says I always make him feel guilty for doing what he wants to do and that he shouldn’t have to live with this much dread of social things bc he feels like whatever he chooses he’s doing the wrong thing. (Even though just 2 days ago he spent the whole day boating with this group of friends and I was encouraging and excited for him and did not make a fuss). But I admit I do feel like I hold him back from time to time.
Idk guys, I just don’t know how to balance his need for social engagement, and my need for his support at home. I don’t know how is in the wrong here. He’s really mad at me and left to go hang out with them. I just am sat here in a puddle feeling awful. To me, I just think that when your partner is going through an awful time, maybe it’s not that important to drive an hour to go play freaking pickle ball. But idk. Just feeling unrightfully resentful and unsure how to approach the situation when he returns.
I feel like my mental health has turned me into someone he doesn’t like anymore and I just feel so hopeless and sad. Any advice?
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