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I’m worried my depression is ruining my relationship #Depression #Anxiousattachment

Hey there, today is hard. Apparently my fiancée had asked me earlier this week if I wanted to go up to another town about 30 min away to hang out with some of his coworkers today. But with depression and brain fog it slipped my mind and I woke up feeling excited to spend a cozy day at home with my fiancée, until he reminded me about the plans. I instantly started to feel anxiety and dread.

I expressed this to him right away in a calm manner, and decided I am not going to go. I feel like in my life right now I am surviving from minute to minute and I’m absolutely exhausted; I feel like attending the event would push me over the edge and past my limits. I also expressed that I was feeling anxious about him going, because I feel that we’ve had absolutely no quality time together recently and I’m starting to not feel like a priority to him and I am not very satisfied with where we are at in our relationship right now.

For context, he works like 14 hour days most days of the week, and his last day off, he ALSO spent the whole day with this same group of work friends that he had planned to go see today. So in my brain it started compounding like he sees them all day at work, and he’s been spending a lot of time with them outside of work, so I just feel a bit resentful and in need of assurance because I don’t feel like we’ve had any quality time recently.

Also, I just lost my job due to mental health, and started a new medication, so I feel like my world has been turned upside down and I’m really hurting and I feel that I desperately need my partner for support in this time.

But he was extremely angry at me for insinuating that I’d prefer him not to go and that I really need some quality time with him. He says I always make him feel guilty for doing what he wants to do and that he shouldn’t have to live with this much dread of social things bc he feels like whatever he chooses he’s doing the wrong thing. (Even though just 2 days ago he spent the whole day boating with this group of friends and I was encouraging and excited for him and did not make a fuss). But I admit I do feel like I hold him back from time to time.

Idk guys, I just don’t know how to balance his need for social engagement, and my need for his support at home. I don’t know how is in the wrong here. He’s really mad at me and left to go hang out with them. I just am sat here in a puddle feeling awful. To me, I just think that when your partner is going through an awful time, maybe it’s not that important to drive an hour to go play freaking pickle ball. But idk. Just feeling unrightfully resentful and unsure how to approach the situation when he returns.

I feel like my mental health has turned me into someone he doesn’t like anymore and I just feel so hopeless and sad. Any advice?

16 reactions 6 comments

Back for a break up rant

!!!! Trigger warning !!!! Self harm !!!!

Got drunk, eight big 60mls, two joints and a blunt later, my thumb's muscle memory dialled him up. Remembering your ex's number is a tough thing. He came over to talk. Told me about everything he did! What he hid from, what he was feeling, why he pushed me all over again, his family issues..... his self harm and suicide ideation. And that he's getting help and is two sessions down. A lot more of those for him to go. He kept apologising, kept asking me to be mad at him. I already forgive him. Maybe I'm just too understanding (People pleaser tendencies? Savior complex?)

He told me around the lines of "I'm not healthy for you. And i don't want to hurt you again. So i left, pushed you away and didn't contact you."
Is it wrong for me to contact him? Have hopes? I care about him but i don't love him. Every time he told me he still loves me, i would cry out of guilt because i can't reciprocate his feelings. Why is it that every time i finally start get better he starts to get worse? And when he's getting better taking help, and steps I'm already gone, boundaries concrete thick.

I went over to his place so we could talk more. I opened the door to broken wine glasses with dried blood on a few shards. Puke on the side of his bed, cut up beer cans and bottles of wine. He cut himself. On his thighs and stomach, they did not seem deep enough to have caused too much blood loss, but still!

I still care about him. Could this be my savior complex? Because i don't love him the way i used to. But at the back of my head i have hope, not for us to get together, but for his recovery. He hasn't told anyone when or whom he's going to for therapy. I suggested to go with him, so it can maybe speed it up? Ik they call the clients family, friends etc to get a better understanding. I'm all up for it!
But i don't want to get together with him. I need to put myself first. But will time-limited-text-only be okay? Will it give him the wrong idea? What if he puts his entire direction to healing and growing enough so he doesn't hurt me. But will contact during this process hurt him? When he clearly has feeling for me. But i don't..... Not romantically at least.

Guide me Mighty! PLEASE!

#Relationships #relationshipanxiety #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Selfharm #GettingHelp #Loneliness #Anxiousattachment

6 reactions 5 comments

Inner Child Trauma

I have some trauma from my childhood that cause me to have a serious anxious attachment in relationships. I’m constantly feeling unwanted, unloved, not good enough, and willing to do whatever to feel wanted from my ex SO. Not only did it cause issues but my ex is also a narcissist which makes everything a lot worse as he love bombs me. I just don’t know what to do to get passed my inner child trauma so I can better for myself and any relationships. #innerchild #Anxiousattachment #narcissist

1 reaction

Anxious Attachments, FPs, & Being Too Reactive

I'm having issues with getting too attached to people, even when I think I'm not.

I suppose I do tend to "favourite" certain people. It's not fun.

They usually tend to be very emotionally unavailable.

If someone tells me that they're busy all the time, it makes me think I'm a nuisance and should just leave them alone.

I have minor examples of "splitting" them as well.

I don't usually lash out, but I say very passive-aggressive things that I later regret. It's always rooted in me feeling like I'm an annoyance.

I just came out of a very strong anxious attachment to someone earlier in the year.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The lows are so agonizing that the highs aren't worth the pain.

#DependentPersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #Anxiousattachment #FearOfAbandonment #personalitydisorder #Favouriteperson

2 reactions 18 comments

Anxious/avoidant mess

I need some support. Can anyone with avoidant attachment type clue me in a bit? My husband is that way (and also an alcoholic...) and I’m anxious attachment which is just a recipe for hurt feelings. We had an argument last night—I need more attention, he needs more space. But somehow he’s always the one that gets what he wants and I’m left in emotional pain so intense I feel it physically in my stomach. I sat in the shower having dark thoughts about how this reinforces my complex that I’m not worth loving or caring about, that I’m stupid for having feelings, and then my brain spirals and starts saying that I’m fat and ugly and hysterical so no wonder he doesn’t ever want to spend time with me....last night was the second time I ever considered harming myself but I’m too chicken to do that either.
#Anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #alcoholic #codependant #narcissisticfather #imsuchatrainwrecklol


Anxious attachment abandonment question

How do you guys deal with anxious attachment abandonment? I get such bad anxiety about every guy I date that they’ll leave me and cheat because I was abandoned by my father and cheated on by my ex husband. I get super triggered when I don’t get text back. What do I do? :( #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiousattachment #Bipolar

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Archive of My Mother

On this second trip to my parents’ house since my mom’s death, I found myself going through the cabinets and drawers in her washroom. I organized their contents and put everything that was old or expired in a pile on the floor to be discarded. But when I went to throw them out, I found I couldn’t bear the thought of parting with these things that she used and touched (and even, as you can see, wrote on) — even though everything in the pile had clearly gone far beyond any best-before date.

With deep breaths between tears, I tried to think of what my therapist might tell me in this moment — probably something about how an important step in mourning is making room for new things without forgetting the old.

Instead of simply throwing the items in a trash bag, I decided to photograph them — to make a little photo diary of the objects she touched and used in her final months. This way, I keep these objects in my heart and mind even while getting rid of them physically.

My mother would laugh and shake her head to know that I am taking pictures of her almost-used bathroom products and sharing one of these photos on the internet. But for me, doing so is a reminder that everything she touched mattered. Her belongings are an archive and I want to record them — even the stuff that is old and expired and unimportant to anyone else but me.

#ComplicatedGrief #Grief #PTSD #Anxiety #Anxiousattachment #Depression


Attachment Anxiety

If anyone I date shows too much interest in me I get terrified. It's like I have a massive magnetic pull where I have every impulse to run away - I don't even know where it comes from especially since I will like the person and I always crave intimacy. My BPD treatment has been very successful so far but this issue still remains. #Anxiousattachment #BPD #attachmentanxiety



I barely know him but things were great, electric even. I treaded carefully with my boundaries after years of being single and "working on myself". I have a big heart and trust until you give me a reason not to. I know this and walked this line carefully until I felt okay letting him in a little. And know I haven't heard from him in a few days. radio silence. My attachment style has now thrown me into an anxiety and obsessive thought cycle on what the story is as to why I haven't heard from him, why he's ignoring me, why he said the things he said which were I believe genuine, what can I say to make him respond, why am I feeling this way when it's not like we were together for a long time, why can't I shake this, why why why? and why did I text him 6+ more times with no response. I know I deserve better and deserve respect in the form of at least a "I'm not interested", but I can't shake the anxiety and calm my nerves.

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Have you had TMS treatment? #TMS #Anxiety #Depression #CPTSD #attachment #Anxiousattachment

I’m being readmitted to hospital after a few weeks at home. They’re talking about trying TMS, but I’ve heard mixed things about it. What’s your experience been?