avoidantattachment

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    Isolation / Avoidant Attachment / Boundaries ?

    The image says: "My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." -- Jessica Katoff

    My therapist offhandedly said something about avoidant attachment style a few weeks ago and it totally changed how I think of myself and made me realize how I am really experiencing the world.
    I was always the good kid who did the right thing and helped others. I wasn't wildly popular, but just a solid *nice* person. Up until very recently, I would have told you I was a "people pleaser", and really needed the approval and love of others.
    It turns out I have some serious anger raging inside of me that I never knew was there - and it is anger toward all those people I was nice to, all those people I helped, all those people I smiled at and befriended. All the people I listened to. All the people I never said "no" to. All the people who never *saw* me.
    My last boyfriend told me all the time how he had never felt so well understood by anyone in his entire life until he met me. How could I tell him that I didn't feel at all the same about him?
    I don't know how to stop this angry part of me from putting up a barrier to protect myself after decades of no one even bothering to notice that I might have reason to be angry and that I was in fact angry. I don't know how to switch my thinking from "boundaries" to "giant flaming wall" because I'm angry that I spent all my time and energy understanding other people so well and they never did the same for me.
    I don't even know if this post makes sense, but it is such a wild mind shift for me that I am struggling to know how to think or process things these days. Thanks for reading and for being there.

    #Isolation #avoidantattachment #boundaries #Relationships #Therapy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #spiritualabuse #EmotionalAbuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #Family #angry

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    Anxious/avoidant mess

    I need some support. Can anyone with avoidant attachment type clue me in a bit? My husband is that way (and also an alcoholic...) and I’m anxious attachment which is just a recipe for hurt feelings. We had an argument last night—I need more attention, he needs more space. But somehow he’s always the one that gets what he wants and I’m left in emotional pain so intense I feel it physically in my stomach. I sat in the shower having dark thoughts about how this reinforces my complex that I’m not worth loving or caring about, that I’m stupid for having feelings, and then my brain spirals and starts saying that I’m fat and ugly and hysterical so no wonder he doesn’t ever want to spend time with me....last night was the second time I ever considered harming myself but I’m too chicken to do that either.
    #Anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #alcoholic #codependant #narcissisticfather #imsuchatrainwrecklol

    7 comments