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Groundhog day every DAY

Is it just borderline? Or maybe, just maybe.... groundhog day (ty bill Murray the ones who know know)? There's no other explanation! Can there be? Because (I know not MLA/APA) I just keep doing and thinking and living the same shit over and over again! Who can save me other than myself? AA, psychologist, counseling, the gym, money?...oh wait!!!! A man who promises love? Go to sleep silly girl! Wake up and try again. The groundhog will pop his way your way again. #bdp


First call with mental health tomorrow….

I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember but the breakdown of my last relationship has highlighted huge patterns that have been getting worse all of my life and after a complete breakdown (lasting just a few hours but it felt like the end of the word) I have been referred to my local mental health team, I have been doing a lot of reading and BPD screams at me that this is the diagnosis that has been missing from my life. I’m so anxious about the call tomorrow and being assertive enough to make myself heard and having the internal battle of feeling like a burden to our NHS but I have to seek some answers that have long been outstanding. I know a diagnosis isn’t a cure but a start of a journey at helping me to build more stable relationships and help deal with the constant crippling fears of being abandoned by people I let in to my life.
#bdp #BPDDiagnosis #MentalHealth #Askingforhelp


Why are they so cold #bdp

This wasn't my first rodeo being discarded. You would think each discard would get easier. It's how she can turn off her emotions for me at the drop of a hat.

I've had to radically accept my feelings will be disregarded. There will be no apology, no remorse, no holding herself accountable. My empathy and compassion for her daily suffering has kept me coming back, and those days when she loves me. I've never felt a greater love. She's had tremendous growth since going to DBT. I see the changes


High Blood Pressure

I have been neglectful with my health because I slipped into depression and stress caused me to drink energy beverage every morning plus order unhealthy breakfast sandwich for few days. I admit I slipped into my addiction to Kratom it wrecked myself up. I’m married to BPD wife. It’s add to my plate. Before it happened my blood pressure was at reasonable. #bdp #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #diabetic


Body humming #DID #bdp

I'm in therapy for CPTSD/DID/BPD. There is a fragment of me that calls himself Boo. (From really early abuse). I've been making headway to reintegrate Boo. Good news is that in my last session i was able to sink into boo. It's hard to describe but for the way he is this progress is incredible. The bad part is he is like a storm. I'm starting to feel like he does all the time. Its horrible. My entire body is humming all the time. Im hyper vigilant much of the day and night without being triggered. Its exacerbating my bpd. A whole new level of fun in my conditions. I'm not angry. I just wish I didnt have to go through this. The things boo is dealing with are horrific. The things he is telling me are ...


Has anyone ever felt that the best way to live life is to avoid relationships at all cost? I don’t think I can sustain it as I’m extremely sensitive


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Hmmmm, I think we can be a little of both, all depends on the situation. Typically on a bad day I will feel very naive and vulnerable but those good days, dangerously intelligent #SexualAbuse #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #bdp


Tired #bdp #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Tired of hearing be more positive, just smile. Quit having anxiety, quit feeling that way. Hate when people say that, it’s so frustrating. Like I want to be this way!


Newly diagnosed, confused, sad and also optimistic

So I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder about 3 weeks ago. This Saturday, the bipolar disorder turned out to be a misdiagnosis and I actually have been diagnosed with depression and bipolar depression. I feel such an incredible amount of guilt and shame about the outbursts, extreme mood swings and impulsive behaviours and projections I acted on especially in my previous relationship .

Like yay, there is an explanation to the behaviour and that's great and I feel optimistic about my journey but I just feel so guilty for hurting anyone because of how I had acted out. I wish I knew then what I know now. I just feel really sad.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bdp #Depression #Hope