Bipolar 1 Disorder

Life is full of ends and beginnings. I believe life is cyclical not linear. We go through many ends and beginnings sometimes to get to where we want to be. Today I went to the endocrinologist to get my testosterone adjusted and I was happy to hear that “I am as healthy as a male my age should be.” It took a long time to get here. To admit that I am transgender, that I am not a female. I am so proud of where I am, even if it’s not the end goal. We are a work in progress and we can always start fresh- that this the beauty of life. Each day is an opportunity to begin again, to be brave and admit the truth to ourselves, to grow, to inquire, to forgive, to mature, to love, to let go. My journey of self acceptance has brought me back to my early high school days of alternative rock and it is obvious by my doctor’s observance of me that I am becoming more confident with each day that passes. And that is worth celebrating- I am worth celebrating.

I will spend the evening at a local club watching others do karaoke, thrilled to be me. Maybe one day I will gather the courage for that to be me- maybe it’ll even be tonight. Who knows what the future brings? #MentalHealth #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Bipolar1

Life is full of ends and beginnings. I believe life is cyclical not linear. We go through many ends and beginnings sometimes to get to where we want to be. Today I went to the endocrinologist to get my testosterone adjusted and I was happy to hear that “I am as healthy as a male my age should be.” It took a long time to get here. To admit that I am transgender, that I am not a female. I am so proud of where I am, even if it’s not the end goal. We are a work in progress and we can always start fresh- that this the beauty of life. Each day is an opportunity to begin again, to be brave and admit the truth to ourselves, to grow, to inquire, to forgive, to mature, to love, to let go. My journey of self acceptance has brought me back to my early high school days of alternative rock and it is obvious by my doctor’s observance of me that I am becoming more confident with each day that passes. And that is worth celebrating- I am worth celebrating.

I will spend the evening at a local club watching others do karaoke, thrilled to be me. Maybe one day I will gather the courage for that to be me- maybe it’ll even be tonight. Who knows what the future brings? #MentalHealth #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Bipolar1

Here’s a little video I’ve put together with a voice over by my good self, explaining my understanding and my description of what Bipolar Disorder means to me. I hope you like it and if you have any questions, comments and or suggestions, please feel free to reach out in the comments section below 👇🏼 👌👍

youtu.be/7AathBkyYX0

#MightyTogether #Bipolar1Disorder #Bipolar2Disorder #MoodDisorders #Mania

Tomorrow I’m attending the Inspire Centre for therapy and assistance to help with my substance abuse issues. Here’s what I have written for them. If you have any suggestions or advice on what I’ve written, please let me know in the comments section below 👍

Last time I had a drink - 9th Sept.
Last time I took Cocaine - 9th Sept.

• Use was plain and simply an escape. An escape from the noise and chatter and chaos that I have to put up with 24/7. It might only have been for a couple of hours, but I needed it.

• It’s like my prescription drugs, that were working brilliantly, became less effective and the Bipolar was more prevalent causing this gap, a void that had to be filled, and I chose to fill it with alcohol and Cocaine.

• I know that my actions aren’t the best way to deal with it but I was just desperate. I know that mixing the two together forms Cocaethylene in the Liver, and this is Cardiotoxic.

• Without the Cocaine I wouldn’t have been able to write this explanation. My Bipolar medication robs me of my ability to express myself and explain my experiences in any way. It makes me numb. It’s a different numbness than that of what the Depression brings, but it is a numbness nonetheless.

• I don’t think I’ve got a substance abuse problem, but I’ve got a Mental Illness problem that isn’t being addressed. My meds worked well for a long time from when I started this combination. Slowly, I feel like the Bipolar chipped away at them and their ability to remedy the problem that the Bipolar caused, became less productive.

• After time, they (the medication) have become less effective, less efficient if you will. There is no cure for this illness but just a remedy to keep it manageable. I feel that they need reviewing and increasing where possible to avoid the dips in my recovery from this terrible affliction that consumes me relentlessly for every single minute of every single day.

• There is an onslaught of gaps in my psyche which are voids of emptiness that are being filled by the Bipolar and not the medication. It’s as though it has been setting me up to fall in its trap. Relentless in pursuit of finding a way in which impacts on me. It’s horrible.

#Addiction #Alcoholism #AlcoholAbuse #CocaineDependence #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

Here’s a link to a blog I wrote about what Bipolar Depression is to me and my explanation of it. Let me know if you agree or have any other experiences with it.

Living with Bipolar Disorder: Bipolar Depression

#MentalHealth #MightyTogether

I enjoy looking at mind bending patterns and pictures as a welcome distraction from the daily battle with the Bipolar. I find it very therapeutic and relaxing and it inspires me to try and draw the image myself. I know this won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but it is something that you could try If you wanted to see if it works for you too 👍
#DistractMe #Art #MightyTogether

Here’s a link to a blog I wrote about the experiences of Bipolar episodes and the change from high to low, and vice versa.

The name of this group got me thinking, maybe conquering our mind isn’t a case of overcoming the situations it arises for you, but to simply accept them and move forward in tandem with them.

Hope you enjoy the blog and if you have any questions or suggestions, please feel free to reach out in the comments section. 👍

Living with Bipolar Disorder: The Experiences

#MightyTogether #MentalHealth