Trigger Warning: childhood sexual abuse
My family and I have a very enmeshed family relationship since I was a child. I’m soon to be 32 and I’m still living at home with them but I am working on getting a job in my field and hopefully going to a group home which is plan a or leaving on my own but still trying to get affordable housing which is plan b. I yelled at my mother yesterday and told her that I knew about her past. I’m currently living with my abuser and though my therapist keeps telling me to leave (she’s telling me to consider a shelter), there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to because of this enmeshment that I’ve been subjected to.
Its too much. It’s too much to be a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a relative that I live with (I’ve started talking about it in therapy and writing poetry about it) and to be enmeshed with narcissistic parents. I know what I have to do. I know that I have to leave and break off contact with all of them but my heart doesnt agree with this.
They have been there this year for me when my health has been bad and since I’ve been jobless. And they been in my life since the day I was born and they have provided for me financially- that’s it. They are definitely narcissists and have abused me and my siblings our entire lives and the end results of that are showing through addictions and other serious problems. I just wanted to vent. I feel a lot of pain and sorrow and I don’t know how I’m going to move on with my life emotionally. Currently I only talk with one sister and was still talking to my mother up until yesterday when I yelled with her. I just wanted to get this out before my appointment with my therapist.
I am trying to take care of myself by eating right, sleeping well, distracting myself, journalling my feelings and writing them out, using my spiritual beliefs to cope and taking my meds and seeing a therapist. I think I’ll be okay I just needed to get this out. Thanks for listening. #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #PTSD #Anxiety #Bipolar1 #DissociativeIdentityDisorder