Bipolar 1 Disorder

I am 42 years old and have suffered with my mental health since I was in my late teens, and have been on and off medication ever since. I live in the UK, so mental health services are patchy at best.

It got extremely bad during COVID, and I was put on antipsychotics.

The past two years, everything has gotten so much worse, where before it was mostly anxiety and when I had mood changes, they were short-lived, and I could hide it from people, now it's not like that.

When my mood changes now, it's so much more intense, for about a day I feel great and almost excited, then I literally stop sleeping sometimes for days, I just sit there all night with my thoughts racing, some nights I can’t even sit as I feel so edgy. People at work will complain about my behaviour because, despite feeling like I'm full of energy, I can’t focus, and I become snappy and angry. In the past year, I have lost friendships I have had for decades because of my thoughts and behaviours, which at the time feel like I'm the victim. By the time I realise what an idiot I'm being, it's too late, I can’t change the past, and I end up getting so depressed and hating myself.

Last year, when I had a turn, I was convinced my best friend's husband was being abusive to her. I had no proof, but in my head it was so real and I felt I had to tell everyone to help her. We had been friends for over 20 years, and I destroyed it in a couple of days.

I have tried to talk to my Doctor, who refers me to my local mental health service, who each time up my doses and discharge me. In fact, at the last appointment, they told me they couldn’t increase them anymore as I was at the maximum.

The last time I had a bad turn I felt I had to do something quick before I lose my job so I used my savings and saw a private psychiatrist and I took all the medical history my family doctor could provide, He didn’t say much about what he thought was wrong when I was there but in the report he sent to my doctor and myself it stated “history indicates a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder given his episodes of hypomania poor response to antidepressants and family history” he advised my doctor to slowly reduce and discontinue my antidepressants and transition onto a more appropriate antipsychotic. He also advised monthly check-ups, but all of this was just ignored.

Again, I was sent back to my local mental health services, who just reduced some of the dosages of my current medication and said they don’t think it's Bipolar but gave no indication of what it could be.

I told them I felt I would be better off dead, but they truly didn’t seem that bothered and told me to come back in two months if I was still having issues.

I feel like I have reached the end. I have daily anxiety that makes it hard just to leave the house for work. I live in fear every time I feel slightly happy or sad that I'm about to lose my job and my last few friends.

I don’t see any future for myself, my emotions are mixed, is it Bipolar and I'm going to be like this for life most probably on medication that's making it worse or are my local mental health service right and its not and I just carry on living a lonely miserable existence on a path of self destruction.

Hi, my name is Morgan.
I’m here because I’ve been in therapy twice a week, seeing a psychiatrist monthly, taking meds, doing the work—and yet I still feel stuck most of the time. I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar I, BPD, ADHD, CPTSD and MDD. It’s a lot.
Lately I’ve just been so overwhelmed—tired, emotionally exhausted, always trying to regulate myself while dealing with people who constantly trigger me. Dealing with lots of personal conflict recently. And my father also recently passed..so just lots of thoughts, feelings, and emotions all throughout the day about all different things.
I know I can't be alone in this, and that’s why I’m here. I’m hoping to connect with others who really get it—no judgment, no pressure to be okay all the time. Just people who understand what it’s like to carry this every day.
If you relate, I’d love to hear from you 💬💙
#MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #ADHD #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression

Growing up with a parent who has Bipolar disorder is a strange experience. It's like living with a parent who sometimes has very high energy, being comedic and hopeful and other times, often unexpectedly, they feel completely weighed down by sadness or anger. Sometimes it also feels like you were talking to one person and suddenly you’re talking to a different one. These sudden mood swings can make home life feel unpredictable, and you might have learned to take on more responsibilities or keep things secret. Sometimes you might even feel guilty for being mad at them because you know they can’t control it, but it doesn’t change the outcome, you still are being hurt. I happened to grow up with a Bipolar dad and I wanted to post this because I don’t see a lot of posts about how hard it is to be the child of a parent with mental illness, your feelings are valid, and if you went through this, you're definitely not alone. ❤️

#Bipolar1 #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

Growing up with a parent who has Bipolar disorder is a strange experience. It's like living with a parent who sometimes has very high energy, being comedic and hopeful and other times, often unexpectedly, they feel completely weighed down by sadness or anger. Sometimes it also feels like you were talking to one person and suddenly you’re talking to a different one. These sudden mood swings can make home life feel unpredictable, and you might have learned to take on more responsibilities or keep things secret. Sometimes you might even feel guilty for being mad at them because you know they can’t control it, but it doesn’t change the outcome, you still are being hurt. I happened to grow up with a Bipolar dad and I wanted to post this because I don’t see a lot of posts about how hard it is to be the child of a parent with mental illness, your feelings are valid, and if you went through this, you're definitely not alone. ❤️

#Bipolar1 #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

Hi, my name is BlueJai. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features, bpd traits, generalized anxiety disorder and ptsd

#MightyTogether

Hi, I am Persephone. Mental health, both awareness and management, is a passion of mine. I live with a few diagnoses, most notably PTSD and Bipolar 1. I hope we can connect and share stories and strategies for life and management.

Yesterday I was officially diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) a disorder in which my mast cells produce histamine when there is no threat (allergy) identified in the body, causing allergic reactions for no reason. We’ve known for a while that I’ve had MCAS but it hadn’t been officially diagnosed until yesterday. I often have flair ups and have had to epi pen myself 3 times in the past 6 years. There’s no cure for MCAS but there are ways to manage symptoms. I feel lucky to be alive and grateful to live in a day and age where modern medicine exists. Just as I don’t let bipolar define who I am, I won’t let MCAS run my entire life. I will manage symptoms as they come up and will conquer this disorder. I will not let it defeat me. #MastCellActivationDisorder #Bipolar1 #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

Yesterday I was officially diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) a disorder in which my mast cells produce histamine when there is no threat (allergy) identified in the body, causing allergic reactions for no reason. We’ve known for a while that I’ve had MCAS but it hadn’t been officially diagnosed until yesterday. I often have flair ups and have had to epi pen myself 3 times in the past 6 years. There’s no cure for MCAS but there are ways to manage symptoms. I feel lucky to be alive and grateful to live in a day and age where modern medicine exists. Just as I don’t let bipolar define who I am, I won’t let MCAS run my entire life. I will manage symptoms as they come up and will conquer this disorder. I will not let it defeat me. #MastCellActivationDisorder #Bipolar1 #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

Has anyone ever made the goal to get out of bed each day and can’t do it on most days? I eventually get out of bed usually, and feel like there will be more of a chance of me having a productive day if I get out of bed relatively early in the morning, but most days I can barely summon the motivation to do it. I’ve had the goal for a couple months now and it doesn’t seem to be improving. My mind in the evening is very different from my mind in the morning and it’s physically hard to get moving. I’ve tried writing down the goal and putting it in my phone but it’s not sticking. Can anyone relate?#Depression #Bipolar1

Has anyone ever made the goal to get out of bed each day and can’t do it on most days? I eventually get out of bed usually, and feel like there will be more of a chance of me having a productive day if I get out of bed relatively early in the morning, but most days I can barely summon the motivation to do it. I’ve had the goal for a couple months now and it doesn’t seem to be improving. My mind in the evening is very different from my mind in the morning and it’s physically hard to get moving. I’ve tried writing down the goal and putting it in my phone but it’s not sticking. Can anyone relate?#Depression #Bipolar1