So I've been fighting my dark depressive period with self care. Trying to get involved in positive activities, groups in my new local area.. I went to a floation tank and massage today, then my first N.A meeting this evening, I shared openly, the people there were nice.
Came back and drank a bottle of wine with someone else that lives in the building. It's like it will always pop out somewhere, over eating, smoking, wine or worse..
It's a pattern, I'm not addicted to any one thing but the pattern of addiction runs through my life. I am willing and ready to face that fact.

Anyway I've been trying my hardest to block out the anxious over thinking or panicked thoughts, self care and be proactive socially and even take steps to engage with communities with my new local area, I'm doing well, should be able to pat myself on the back.?..

then it pops up somewhere else, night terrors are back it's like my subconscious is like 'your doing well, but here's All the flashbacks you are blocking out to do it.. compressed into 1 dream, blam!' Take that brain!
I woke up like I'd been slapped in the face at 4:20am. So I guess my old friend insomnia is back.. "hello piece of my over worked, overwelmed subconscious that wakes me in the dead if night, I didn't miss you when I was in my depressed slumber! But I suppose I slept for a month so it was most likely time to wake up.."
I don't want to think about my trauma 24/7 but if I try to push it back even if positive activities just for a day and half a bottle of wine. I might go to sleep fine but my brain still has to replay or relive the details of it all. No rest from it even when I'm asleep. #CPTSD #Insomnia #AbuseSurvivors #PTSD #BipolarDepression #bipolarswitch #Anxiety #Bipolar2Disorder #warrior #RapeSurvivors #tryingtobepositive #believinginyourself