How to overcome the past? #Trauma
I feel like I've put in a lot of healing work to get where I am now. Then again, I feel like there are things that I don't acknowledge. The reality of #SexualAbuse and #SexualAssault are too much for me to accept at times. The #EmotionalAbuse is a little easier for me to cope with I guess because there isn't that much shame associated with it. With the sexual abuse I feel so ashamed because it was a family member that abused me in both cases. Emotional abuse is somewhat easier to deal with because I can better see how it has effected me and I can work through it.
The sexual abuse however is a different story. I also struggle with healthy communication. Whenever I am ever confronted with something difficult or something that makes me feel ashamed or guilty, I instinctively shut it down. I refuse to talk and develop a f**k you attitude. I know that it isn't healthy and it's rude to ignore people but sometimes I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I just refuse to confront it.
Yes I know that shutting down is no longer serving me but I still find myself doing it. Growing up I learned to keep to myself and I guess that's why I struggle with communication. The shame of sexual abuse is so overwhelming sometimes that I feel like I'm drowning. I know that the shame and guilt aren't mine to bear but I still have a lot of internal conflict. So my question is, how do I resolve this? If I know all this then why can't I just move on? Part of me feels like I may never be over it but I want to finally be happy and healthy. How do I overcome the past so I can live my life?