checkin

This happened about 3 years ago now. The peak of Covid. I was going through a media craze and experienced so much toxic behavior from people I’ve spoken to. Suddenly I talk to this great guy from the UK and while things were going pretty fine, I was still so overcome and traumatized from other connections and even more so with a particular guy from Ohio ( I was emotionally manipulated and also love bombed *yikes*) and to put it lightly I’m a very deep emotional person, so I was going through deep waters. I just had a random urge to squash the relationship by insulting his looks and saying crazy obscene things to the point of him being completely offended and ‘shouting’ obscenities towards me in defense. But I guess I deserved it. He ended up blocking me with much hesitation though I tried apologizing and he wouldn’t buy it. With needless to say, that was our end. But now I realize that he was the only one who actually cared and wanted to get to know me deep down. And I find myself missing him and our. I messed up. It’s an awful feeling. I gave up the apps as a whole but now it feels like I’m waiting for a connection that might never come. But I still have hope. #MentalHealth #checkin #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Opinion #ADHD #Guilt #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCDTest #SuicidalThoughts #selfsabotage #lowselfesteem #SleepDisorders #Insomnia #moodswings #PMS #ChronicFatigue #Hope

Just found out what this is. Essentially it’s when you’re stuck in a cycle putting up with different people but the same triggers and attitude and the cycle won’t stop until you’ve learned your lesson. I’ve had to learn this the hard way. #checkin #karmiclesson #mentalwellbeing
#ChronicFatigue #Spirituality #checkin #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #imbalance #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #Karma #learnsomethingnew #thirdeye

What’s something you all are manifesting?

#Spirituality #checkin #Anxiety #manifestation #ChronicDepression #fullmoon #Love #dailycheckin #Therapy #monday #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #selfsabotage #goals #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Mentalhygiene #detox #Positivity #spiritualjourney #Selfcare

Has anyone ever had a great connection with a genuine person but let their own insecurities and trauma get the best of you, and now they’re gone and you can’t reach out? How can you move on?
#checkin #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #SeparationAnxiety #selfsabotage #OnlineDating #Relationships
#tired #CPTSD #self -sabotage #Dating #Love #stuck

I feel like I've put in a lot of healing work to get where I am now. Then again, I feel like there are things that I don't acknowledge. The reality of #SexualAbuse and #SexualAssault are too much for me to accept at times. The #EmotionalAbuse is a little easier for me to cope with I guess because there isn't that much shame associated with it. With the sexual abuse I feel so ashamed because it was a family member that abused me in both cases. Emotional abuse is somewhat easier to deal with because I can better see how it has effected me and I can work through it.

The sexual abuse however is a different story. I also struggle with healthy communication. Whenever I am ever confronted with something difficult or something that makes me feel ashamed or guilty, I instinctively shut it down. I refuse to talk and develop a f**k you attitude. I know that it isn't healthy and it's rude to ignore people but sometimes I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I just refuse to confront it.

Yes I know that shutting down is no longer serving me but I still find myself doing it. Growing up I learned to keep to myself and I guess that's why I struggle with communication. The shame of sexual abuse is so overwhelming sometimes that I feel like I'm drowning. I know that the shame and guilt aren't mine to bear but I still have a lot of internal conflict. So my question is, how do I resolve this? If I know all this then why can't I just move on? Part of me feels like I may never be over it but I want to finally be happy and healthy. How do I overcome the past so I can live my life?

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD #Childhoodtrauma #SexualAssault #Healing #needhelp #checkin #BipolarDisorder #borderlinepersonaliydisorder #MightyTogether #selfharmsurvivor #suicideattemptsurvivor

I’ve been so anxious I can’t sleep even though I’m tired. I’ve read other strategies and I am currently trying nature sounds. Do you have any additional coping skills that could help me? Thanks in advance.

#Anxiety #PTSD #Insomnia #AbuseSurvivors #checkin #triggered

I’ll have to face an abuser and I could use some words of inspiration or encouragement. Been anxious and preoccupied. Not in a productive way. I appreciate all your comments in advance. Thanks.

#PTSD #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Anxiety #MightyTogether #help #checkin

With #BipolarDisorder I can't tell if I'm up or down but I feel like my moods are all over the place. I feel usually frustrated probably because I have to face my abuser soon which will trigger the #PTSD which could possibly result in #Dissociation . I have worked really hard to heal and stay away from toxic people. Now I feel like I'm being set back. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder only complicates things. I already have difficulty with my emotions and being triggered will not help. My #Anxiety is off the charts. I know I am safe and that my fiancé won't let anyone hurt me but it's the thought of being in his presence one more time. I just don't know what to do, my friends are saying rest and be gentle with myself but that seems impossible right now. Honestly, I hope this doesn't push me to #Selfharm because I promised myself I would never do that again. I guess I just need words of encouragement and comfort right now. Thanks guys.

#Childhoodtrauma #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAssault #needhelp #checkin