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    You cannot heal by going back to what hurt you.

    Just read this and it resonates with me. Too often people long for and sometimes even return to abusive situations. I know I longed for the abusive environment. I know how hard it is to break that trauma bond but it is possible. It is very painful but it can be done. Remember as painful as it gets, don’t go back to what hurt you. There’s nothing there for you. Your future is ahead of you. So keep going seek help if you must but always keep pushing forward. You got this. Just wanted to share this with you all.

    #Abuse #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAbuse #Trauma #childhoodtraumasurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #suicideattemptsurvivor #Healing

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    Crying and #PTSD

    Does anyone else with #PTSD go through random bouts of crying? I spent some time earlier today shaking and crying thinking about the #SexualAbuse and #SexualAssault I went through. Afterwards, I felt a little better but very confused. Is this normal, to randomly cry? The reading I've been doing says yes but it makes me feel like I'm going backwards in my healing. Can anyone offer any advice?

    I try to reflect on all that I've survived such as abuse and abandonment but that gets hard. It always triggers something. I appreciate all the help.

    *Thanks to everyone that commented on may earlier post about severe depression. It warms my heart to see how people can come together and offer advice and support :)

    #PTSD #Abuse #abusesurvivor #Selfharm Survivor #suicideattemptsurvivor #abandonment #checkin #help #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Cryingspells


    Clear Path

    So far this week I've been doing okay. I have a lot to be proud of myself for. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I can tell my story without getting too triggered. I can release all those pent up emotions that have been blocking my path. There are days when my anxiety acts up but I can move through it relatively easily now.

    There are so many things I am grateful for. I believe it is important to show gratitude. I am here and well (mostly). I have people that love me, I have a job and somewhere to live. It is the little things.

    I do my best to manage my physical and mental health. I am slowly healing from my past of abuse. I am slowly getting to where I want to be. My path continues to clear as I begin to love and accept myself and what I have survived. It is not an easy path. I still have days and sometimes weeks where the negativity seeps back in. But I continue to heal.

    The more I see the positive in my life the more clear my path will become. I am not going to tell you to stay positive because I know that advice doesn't always work but I will tell you to be grateful. Sometimes all it takes is a grateful heart. May you find what you are looking for and may your path clear for you too. Stay strong and you will be okay.

    #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #strength #MightyTogether #Asthma #checkin #abusesurvivor #Selfharm #suicideattemptsurvivor #Healing #Writing


    Does anyone else feel stuck in their healing process?

    Sometimes I make breakthroughs and other days I’m stuck. #PTSD #Abuse #abusesurvivor #suicideattemptsurvivor #selfharmsurvivor


    Suicide Attempt Survivor

    Being a Suicide Attempt Survivor

    Not until recently I was able to come to grips and admit to people that I have attempted suicide three times in my life. It was something I always held closely and under lock and key. I didn’t want to be judged or looked gone upon by others. My hardest suicide attempt to come to grips with was my second suicide attempt, suicide by hanging. This suicide attempt people knew I was going through a struggle and with this attempt I had marks to show what I had done. At first, I was able to downplay the marks on my neck as marks from shaving. Gradually people started to figure it out and this is when my suicide attempt which was already hard to grasps became even harder to grasp. I remember when the first two people figured it out and there first response was, I am selfish. Then came the next response that I am manipulative and attention seeking. This suicide attempt was related to an girlfriend that cheated on me and destroyed me mentally. So, I remember a few people telling me I got what I deserved both from her cheating and my mental state. The final unique response because many echoed the responses of others, was that I was a failure and that the nurse that was my coworker would teach me how to do it properly next time.

    Being a suicide attempt survivor is extremely hard because society is full of stereotypes and stigmas that degrade and devalue the struggles people go through with mental health. Instead of view a suicide attempt as an unanswered call for help, many people view it was a failure on the attempters part. Whether it be a failure to do it properly or a failure to control their mental health. Showing weakness is too often viewed as a negative thing, when in actuality it is a great strength.

    #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Suicide #SuicidePrevention #suicideattemptsurvivor #Depression

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    Each day is a new opportunity to learn about yourself.

    Today I learned that my Disorganized/Fearful attachment style and my people pleasing are connected. That my trauma driven behaviors are actually the result of my attachment style.

    If you are curious and want to know what your style is, there are tons of quizzes online.

    I suggest taking one. It changed my perspective and helped me to understand what I need to change. I need to be more trusting and more mindful in my relationships.

    Slowly, I am learning what drives my behaviors and the more I know the more I can heal.

    #Trauma #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #suicideattemptsurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #Healing #learning #attachment


    #SuicidalIdeation Is this a symptom for anyone else?

    When I go into a depressed episode because of my #BipolarDisorder or when my #PTSD acts up I start having those thoughts. Note: I do not act on them so I am not in danger. Just wondering if I’m alone in this. #suicideattemptsurvivor

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    I have had the same psychiatric nurse practitioner for the past six years manage my meds. She has worked together with my psychologist, my cardiologist and my clergy… together, as a team for the past SIX YEARS! They were the first people in the world I trusted, and I still find it nearly impossible to trust anyone. She is so special to me that she came to my house on her time off and taught me how to vacumme and clean my toilet after being divorcing my husband and always having a maid. I recently had to relocate, too, but kept my team together, through zoom and telehealth, for stability. In my new area, I have tried to get mental health services. Since I want to keep my nurse practitioner, and am not willing to take a new paychiarist from a new facility, no facility will offer me any of their other services such as case management, social work, anger management, anxiety classes, social skills training, etc. There are many services availible, but in order to get them, I must drop my nurse practitioner. Because I would not agree to this, the last six months, since moving (and my dog, of ten years, died during this time), I have not had the resources to deal with the enormity of physical, emotional and mental problems I have had, I have been involuntarily placed in the hospital 5 times in six months. I realized, I will either succeed at dying or continue to be hospitalized if I don’t get the outpatient services I need. I finally agreed to let go of my psych nurse, in order to get outpatient services. I had my last appointment with her the other day. Today, I go for my new psych evaluation. I go with a heavy heart. My team has been shattered. The pain of all I’ve been through in the last six months still so fresh. I don’t recognize my life. I don’t recognize myself. I don’t want to have to start over, but I want to survive. I really want to thrive, so with all the tools I’ve gathered, I’m facing my strongest fears.. trusting anyone new, especially authority figures, being open about my painful past if I have to, being open to the idea that a new doctor is not trying to hurt me, control me, or powertrip me, stepping out of my comfort zone- once again. It seems like the unfamiliar is being FORCED ON ME, over and over and over, lately. It almost seems like a right of passage from one stage of therapy to another. That always held me back…now I’m HAVING TO PRACTICE FACING UNCERTAINTY. I don’t like it! Wish me luck this morning. That I may be open minded, honest, authentic, cooperative, trusting, and genuine. #facinguncertainty #losingaProvider #change #stressors #IntensiveOutpatientTherapy #suicideattemptsurvivor #MentalHealthComesFirst

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    Precious day.

    Goodmorning, beautiful people, I'm a newbie here. It must have been a gift from the heavens to receive a random email from The Mighty. I read about the community and the purpose behind what The Mighty had created. It was perfect timing, and I don't believe in coincidences. I am so happy to be apart of a community of people who can help each other heal and share their stories. I send my love and light to everyone ✨ 💛.
    #sexual #physical #mental #emotional #abusesurvivor #suicideattemptsurvivor #MDD #PTSD #ADHD #Anxiety #warrior


    I Regret Failing

    I attempted suicide very recently. I was found the next day and near death by the time I got to the hospital but I survived. I regret failing. I wish it would have worked.

    I’m in the worst mental place I’ve ever been with very little support. But there’s nothing left to try. I’ve failed almost every single medication there is. I’ve failed TMS, and I’m too sensitive to side effects to do ECT or ketamine infusions. I’ve been in therapy for 8 years and though I’ve made improvements, there’s just too much trauma to work through.

    Is there any hope for a better future, for no more differing? Why was I saved and why am I fighting if there’s no chance for this to get better?

    #Suicide #suicideattemptsurvivor