Image and Quote by Morgan Harper Nichols ~ Joy will find you again be open to it when it comes and remember to look for it in the every day in the little things and that ‘Joy is not a crumb’ ~Mary Oliver #Joy #Hope #brighterdaysahead
I just needed to get this out there for someone other then myself to see. It’s about a family member (ex grandmother) who moved us across the country for “a better life and a promise to gain her company to “help our future””... and boy was that a bad idea but here is the update after about a whole year of listening to her lies and following her narcissistic control.
I have two daughters. My toddler now is in counseling because of this girl (she doesn’t deserve to even be called a woman because she is far from it). The things my toddler witness was not ok by any means but we couldn’t leave... we had no where to turn to (or we thought we didn’t) she made us believe we had no where to go. She kicked us out and then watched another man she had living in her property about punch my fiancé as he was holding our toddler, and punch me (I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time). She watched this and still accused us of being in the wrong . But claims to “love” my daughter. She put her hand around my throat that same night and my toddler screamed and cried because she was so afraid... and yet we where in the wrong they weren’t... it is something my toddler still talks about and she is three... this happened 2 1/2 months ago... my toddler is afraid of “the monsters, grandma and papi”... they mentally hurt my child but will sit there and claim to “still love her”. So there’s a little back story but here is the update 2 1/2 -3 months later...
Looking at life now... I don’t ever want to go back. It’s so great right now. We finally for once in our lives are financially stable. We have a home, like a home home (it’s still hitting me that it’s really ours). We have two beautiful little girls who are generally overall happy and healthy. We are finally making more friends. We are finally getting our lives back but we aren’t just getting our lives back. We are getting our lives back that is even better then before. We are finally in control. We aren’t listening to others and what they are telling us to do. We aren’t letting them control our lives. We are in control and let me tell you what it feels amazing. The weight of the past year has finally been replaced with freedom. This past year has been rough and has taught us a lot. But oh man let me tell you what, it is absolutely great now. So to the ones who brought us out here. thank you for the lessons learned and the opportunity you offered but we will pass on it... FOR GOOD. 😊🤷🏼♀️ I’ll take what the Lord is offering us and take it with all it entitles because I know at the end of the day he won’t turn his back on me and my family like you did. 😊 #Narcissiticabuse #PTSD #physicalabuse #overcomings #brighterdaysahead
Rejection is something I fear and have always feared. I continue my journey of loving myself enough to not feel rejection but sometimes I have days and nights that I just struggle. I’ve always been surrounded by people wether it was friends and family and for the first time in my life I am learning to fully depend upon myself. Days are getting easier but as I said it can be troublesome to think how much of a transition my life has become and to learn its not the same chaos I always lived. I’ve always found myself getting so attached to people wether it was guys or girls. I just have always been looking to be loved. In moments like these I just have to re direct my focus and love myself harder on the tougher days and rembeer my wort. I have made so many steps to put myself first that I wouldn’t change where I am at in my life. I just have to continue to have faith and react to what I believe in and what feels right. I know whatever person is brought to my life it’s for a reason even if does have heart break to follow but the heart breaks get lesser as i am learning everyday more of my worth and to not find myself getting attached to those who can’t see my worth. This is the reminder of how far I have come and just to remind myself I am human and at the end of the day everyone wants to be loved. Change is hard and that includes loss ones, it’s okay to be sad it’s okay to mourn over loss of friendships and relationships. Grieve over your trauma, let go and become at peace and no life can always be different if you allow it. This is what builds courage in your heart and know your true strength you have. Be honest with yourself and others, they may surprise you!
I wake up early as I usually do. This morning is chilli, so I have pumpkin pie, coffee with hit chocolate mix. I'm listening to Janácek's Glagolitic Mass, and looking through Pinterest. I guess I'm not looking, just thinking about what to expect, say, and do. When I get home, how am I going to be?
I just pray that the Gods, Goddess', Archangels, my Guardian angel, and spirit guide come and be with me.
#Sadness #greif #counceling #becomingaware #brighterdaysahead #healinghereIcome #GuardianAngel #Higherpower
TRIGGER! As I sit here at 12:30 am , my thought process is, how I’m embarrassed to admit (family, friends, you ) I seem to be going into the hospital more and more. I was in from Sept -Dec, then Mar-Apr and before Sept a 4mth stay. My good days are far and few in between. I went to Emergency, two days ago, oh Yhea! Had to wait 7hrs, because MENTAL ILLNESS is not taken seriously enough, I was in tears. The only way i can see my pdoc(psychiatrist) on a daily basis, is to be admitted, I hate it....My next appt. is June 20th, too long to wait. I fear the worse as my thought process is in dangerous waters, negative mode and I’m very impulsive.
I started the pill form of ketamine, (while in the hospital)it was a miracle, my suicide ideation lifted in one day and depression in three, I’ve never had either or lift so quick. The sad part, it only lasted six weeks. I’m going to try to get the Ketamine infusion, at “The Canadian rapid training centre of excellence” CRTCE in Toronto. The infusion goes directly to the brain, where the pill form has to go through all other organs before it reaches the brain, so this means a very very small part of the pill hits the brain. I believe Ketamine is the next best thing to meds and ECTs. Wishing me brighter days ahead! Thanks for reading. ...... ##brighterdaysahead #keeponfighting
TRIGGER! As I sit here at 12:30 am , my thought process is, how I’m embarrassed to admit (family, friends, you ) I seem to be going into the hospital more and more. I was in from Sept -Dec, then Mar-Apr and before Sept a 4mth stay. My good days are far and few in between. I went to Emergency, two days ago, oh Yhea! Had to wait 7hrs, because MENTAL ILLNESS is not taken seriously enough, I was in tears. The only way i can see my pdoc(psychiatrist) on a daily basis, is to be admitted, I hate it....My next appt. is June 20th, too long to wait. I fear the worse as my thought process has a lot of suicidal ideation, I’ve already attempted numerous times, I’m very impulsive. I started the pill form of ketamine, it was a miracle, my suicide ideation lifted in one day and depression in three, I’ve never had either or lift so quick. The sad part it only lasted six weeks. I’m going to try to get the Ketamine infusion, at “The Canadian rapid training centre of excellence” CRTCE in Toronto. The infusion goes directly to the brain, where the pill form has to go through all other organs before it reaches the brain, so this means a very very small part of the pill hits the brain. I believe Ketamine is the next best thing to meds and ECTs. Wishing me brighter days ahead! Thanks for reading, if you have any questions on Ketamine, please feel free to message me mailto:kellyleger62@gmail.com....... ##brighterdaysahead #keeponfighting
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