bullshit

I read these 'thoughts'.... These questions and stories' people post.... Then I read the comments that are left behind. ((Very few I might add I'm sure many people are surrounded by blood right now just waiting for someone to comment on their post, waiting for someone to follow them or push the little heart button option. Just waiting for someone to give a fuck about them... Anyone, anywhere. When they sit in their room alone it made sense that no one cared at least, but now they're on the internet... The World is watching . The entire world could comment or could give a fuck but I see posts like "I'm going to kill myself" that were done a week ago... Not one comment...,no one even stopped long enough to hit the like button.)) Lol..... Aahhh..now back to the comments that ARE left behind. They make me laugh and roll my eyes. So generic.... So candy coated....You come to this place to find truth, answers...To try to get thoughts out of your head that keep spinning around and around and around and AROUND, driving you slowly insane .... It''s just another fairy tale full of bullshit.. #haha Long nights go by so fast. #bpdandmeth

I feel so spent, and I don’t have any more F’s to give. Not for my job, my ISP, my parenting/working balance, all the broken things that need fixing, the tight budget and lack of any sort of adventure. I am not a fan of my life right now at all. I want a three month vacation from everything, because it all feels completely shite right now.

On Thursday I paid a eviction service to serve my live-in narcissistic abuser with a three day notice to pay or quit. His abuse has been emotional, financial, and and gaslighting.
All so he could exploit me, lie to me and bleed me for cash. So he could enjoy a double life, pretending to love me, pretending that he was willing to get a job, and live like an honest, decent person, while behind my back on the sly, using his drug of choice, pretending he was willing to get clean but instead spending his days doing nothing or sleeping off his last binge. Four months ago he also decided there was no reason to pay rent, either.

They served him with the 3 day notice yesterday, posting it on our front door.

This morning he threw the notice on the floor in front of me and declared that the date on it was wrong. Then he left and slammed the door.

I am so emotionally tired. Never in a million years, did I imagined I’d have to evict a person that I cared for. A person that I am now trying to understand, never loved me in the first place.

I am so heartbroken.

I guess I just needed to tell someone.

No Time to Die - Billie Eilish

I should've known
I'd leave alone
Just goes to show
That the blood you bleed
Is just the blood you owe

We were a pair
But I saw you there
Too much to bear
You were my life
But life is far away from fair

Was I stupid to love you?
Was I reckless to help?
Was it obvious to everybody else?

That I'd fallen for a lie?
You were never on my side
Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?
Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

I let it burn
You're no longer my concern
Faces from my past return
Another lesson yet to learn

That I'd fallen for a lie
You were never on my side
Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?
Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die
No time to die
No time to die

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?
Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

#DomesticAbuse
#narcissistic Abuse #emotional Abuse #Gaslighting #exploitation #Perspecticide #financial Abuse #Deception #bullshit

#52SmallThings

I just wrote a piece of my deepest honest thoughts n it glitched and disappeared 😭

A lot of people, particularly those who have little to no understanding of what recovery actually is, believe that once you have "recovered" you are better or not sick anymore. This is definitely a grey area because recovery is different for everyone. You can get better and then fall back into unhealthy thinking patterns or experience new symptoms in relation to your mental illness. You don't always know when something is going to trigger you.
I was diagnosed with #PTSD about six years ago and there are days when I still struggle with anxiety and depression although I was discharged from therapy after a little over a year. I have heard things like, "But you don't have PTSD anymore, you were discharged..." and, "You can go to work and have a boyfriend, so you can't really be depressed.", These types of things are so frustrating to hear and so discouraging. This is the type of negative #bullshit that reinforces the notion that recovery is black and white.
I did start therapy again about six months ago, and while I did feel defeated at first, I do feel a sense of renewed hope for the future. I have accepted the fact that this isn't something that will ever leave me, but I have also accepted the fact that things DO get better, and that it's all about learning to deal with what you are experiencing.
#Recovery