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Can I actually overcome behavior patterns?

#ADHD Diagnosed as a Child at age 6. I was exhibiting angry outburst, and intense frustrations, and my thought processes were very erratic. I was placed on Ritalin. It does help slow the swirling Kaleidoscope of random and broken thoughts and ideas. I was diagnosed with it again, recently as an Adult... #CPTSD My Sister and I are survivors of Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse all of which occurred before age 5... continued until I was 11 and figured out that I did not have to allow myself to be in one on one situations with the "Uncle" that had been raping me... At 13, I was allowed to move in with my Aunt Cathy, who was my best friend, growing up... and got me away from my Step-Father who beat my Sister and I regularly, as well as the verbal abuse and telling us that we were useless and good for nothing... We had these thoughts beaten into us, and sadly grew up to be adults with low to no self-esteem... #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder I still do not completely understand this one, and it is a recent diagnosis, but when reading about the behavior patterns, it begins to make sense... I know I am not deserving of the Love and Compassion I am seeking and self-sabotage my relationships, even though I fear being alone... Yes, I know... I am a walking contradiction... #suicidal I am actually a two time Survivor. I did not make half assed attempts. My first time was an Overdose and someone found me choking on my own vomit, and took me to the Hospital I think I was 17. Second time, in my late 20s, I stepped in front of a car, and was thrown over the hood like a ragdoll and ended up with a bad limp for years, that still is visible. While I no longer have any plans to hurt myself. I still have the feelings of being a horrible burden on others and believe they would be better off without me in the picture... So the Thought Process is still inside me... I just CHOOSE to NOT act on the Feelings...

OK I shared all of that, to say this... Decades of Talk Therapy and Medications have done NOTHING to improve my Quality of Life. I still have a deeply negative self-image, low to no self-worth. When provoked, or just feeling intimidated, I go into #oppositionaldefiance and very #narcissistic behavior patterns...

I have learning disorders like #Dyslexia , but I have learned to use Audiobooks and Podcasts to try and teach myself modes of Psychology, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, but I have not had a Psychologist or Therapist to GUIDE me through ways to Utilize these things effectively...

My Family makes comments like "You are an ADULT and should KNOW better!" "You are a Grown Man, you need to start ACTING like one!" "You cannot keep blaming your Parents, for your Bad Behavior. You are an ADULT and Responsible for yourself!" FOR THE RECORD, these are very hurtful and demeaning comments that only make me feel WORSE about myself after experiencing a Meltdown...

CAN I FIND PEACE & RECOVERY from these Behavior Patterns??? Talking and Medication doesn't seem to be helping... I am now looking into Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Ketamine Inhalant Treatments have also been suggested... I am reticent to try these. But, at this point, I am starting to want to give in... Only because NOTHING else has seemed to help... and I am tired of being the way I am... My knee-jerk reactions to Negative Stimulation, (or what I perceive as attacking), I shut down and become angry and aggressive and retaliatory... I am doing everything I know how to do and I am STILL battling the same stuff I have been dealing with since I was 4... Now I am 59 and still feel Hopeless and Helpless...

41 reactions 17 comments

Understanding the Language Used

Medical kidnapping and illegal seizure are terms rarely used in the medical, psychiatric and law community, but they are real terms. You can read about medical kidnapping on Attorney Allison Folmar web site. To explain it to you in terms you may understand. For example, you take you child to the doctors and your complains are regarding their vaccinations. You explain to the doctor that your child had a reaction to the previous vaccination and you do not want to get any more for your child. The doctor does not agree with you and tells you that if your child does not get the vaccine they will cite you for medical neglect, eventhough your child has had all their other vaccines, but due to your refusal the medical personnel at the hospital calls CPS and they arrive. CPS states that since you refused medical treatment, your child needs these vaccinations and that is why they are having medical problems, you disagree, but since the hospital made the call the Social Worker states they have to take the child. This was one example of medical kidnapping.

What was done wrong? Nothing

What could the parent have done differently? Nothing

Where her rights violated? Yes

Where did the child go? The CPS worker took the child to enter foster care, while the case is being created for you to go to court.

Is this legal? No, but Medical kidnapping is crime, but many Attorneys do not practice specifically in this type of crime and do not refer to it as such. Within the medical kidnapping, you have violations of other laws that aren't followed, such as civil rights violations, the 4th, 8th and 14th amendment. Depending on the state you live in there may be other violations.

How can this happen? Financial Incentive

Everytime a child comes into state care, the federal government pays the state agency money for each child. If your child has a disability that comes into foster care, the state receives additional money; therefore, the more kids in care, the more money the state receives. Now, to be fair and honest The State of Maryland Baltimore City Department of Social Services are mandated to uphold policies and procedures to ensure children are safe, but if you don't have an administration that is abiding by the laws, policies or procedures then your rights are violated.

Who advocates or speaks up for the child and parent? Y.O.U

If there are specific questions that need to be answered, please provide them. #Abuse #SocialServices #FosterCare #cps #medicalkidnapping #parentalalienation #narcissistic #triangulation #manipulation #Children #MentalHealth #lawyer

In the next part of this journey I will provide certain laws and terminology used, so you can understand them.

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What was it like growing up with 2 narcissists parents?

I for one will tell you 1st hand that it sucks! A lot of my followers know that I have bpd, due to mentioning it very often in my post. My dad was all about bragging on what he spent on someone else to get them out of a financial jam and bring it up continuously to make you feel inferior, and my mom wanted to elevate herself above everyone, competing to her kids to the point of invalidating them, yep this was my life growing up. So, for those that have a longer life span on you meaning you've lived a bit longer, well when Wal-Mart was transitioning for a retail store to food and retail now called the supercenter my mom took a frozen chicken and hit me over the head with it and started laughing. this was a joke to her, and I was in a bit of pain... Shocked more than anything because she did it so everyone could see it that was shopping in the store. My mom would make us cry by hitting us or manipulating us then tell us to shut up as if she didn't cause us to cry. My mom played more mind games than you could imagine in the run of a week. #narcissistic #Bipolar #mentaldisorder #BPD

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Parental Discipline

Choose one
517 days left
Parent(s) whupped me out of anger
Parent(s) whupped me out of love
Never got a whupping, whipping
5 reactions1 comment

Possible Sibling Rivalry

4% ●
I'm a woman and can't stand my sister
0% ●
I'm a guy and can't stand my brother
17% ●
I'm a woman and love my sister very much
8% ●
I'm a guy and love my sister very much
4% ●
I'm a guy and dislike my sister a lot
17% ●
I'm a woman and dislike my brother a lot
13% ●
I Was abused by my sibling(s)
17% ●
The best way for us to get along is to stay apart
13% ●
My sibling is Mean & Nasty
8% ●
I look up to my sibling like a parent
24 votes
24 votes3 reactions1 comment

Narcissistic Parent(s)

22% ●
I would cry of course
8% ●
It would emotionally destroy me
10% ●
I would be happy I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore
17% ●
Relived / Stress Free
7% ●
Hope they let me some money
7% ●
Be really hurt for my other siblings, not for me
20% ●
I already prepared myself in advance for them passing away
10% ●
Even though it would hurt a little / I would be very happy
60 votes
60 votes32 reactions16 comments
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Did your parents ever force you to wear shoes that didn't fit as a child - teenage years?

My Narc mom was mean and cheap. My father would give us money every year for shoes for school and my mom would steal the money from us by not putting the money all on our shoes but split the amount in half and buy us some cheap shoes that would last about 6 months. So, I got hip to that I would tell her I didn't want any shoes and start crying and then when dad would come home, I would tell him where I wanted to go to get shoes and he would take me to the store and I never wore Nikes or reeboks until I was 16 years old all the other shoes, I wore were generic. The best shoes I got from them were PONY sneakers and I would be so happy like I had Jodan's or Airmax or something equivalent. But when I got my own job at a restaurant at age 16, I bought my own shoes. #BPD #narcissistic #OCD #Autism

1 reaction 1 comment
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Do Narcissistic Women and Borderline Men Attract each other?

People with Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality Disorders can find one another attractive and may actually forge more stable relationships with one another, at times, than they can with people without personality disorders. #BPD #narcissistic #MentalHealth #MentalIllness

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Narc Mom & BPD Kids

Select all that apply
520 days left
Siblings are mean towards each other
Siblings are just sibling with a mental disorder or not
Sister tried to blame me to mom for stuff she did
Sister was just vindictive
Brother was manipulative
Sister always acted like a Narc
Sister was so jealous of me
Always had panic attacks when around my sister
My brother treated like I wasn't part of the family
My sister treated me like I wasn't part of the family
7 reactions3 comments

BPD Adults can display Narcissistic Traits

Select all that apply
523 days left
Mom was very manipulative
Dad was very manipulative
Mom Never Told Me She Love Me
Mom Never hugged me without me hugging her first
Mom was Jealous of me
Dad was jealous of me and was so competitive
Emotionally Abusive Parent(s)
Parent(s) made me the Surrogate Spouse
Mom was always mean / strict around the house
Parent(s) were overly possessive of me
8 reactions2 comments