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    Gaslighting #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #Survivor

    So, I am completely devastated right now. My daughter is married to a significantly older man who enjoys voyeurism, and instead of being bothered by it, she willingly participates in it, and then, when he got bored of watching her, she moved me up to be with her and now she's convinced me that NOTHING IS GOING ON IN HER HOUSE, MOM. Even though, I stood on the back porch, crying and using American Sign Language (ASL), to get out all my stuff, and I begged for someone, anyone, to help me get proof that I could give my daughter, so she would know, that I was being injected with some kind of immobilizer and raped every night. She called me so many names, you can't believe, and then threw me out of her house and she has basically thrown me away, in a strange city, in a strange state. I feel like just throwing everything away that she's ever given me and getting all new stuff. I'm also terrified that she's turned me over to people who are much more dangerous than she is.

    3 reactions 2 comments

    My undiagnosed illness symptoms

    Here are my symptoms at the moment:

    Weight gain

    - Previously I was always on the thin end of the spectrum now on the overweight boundary

    - Have been passively been trying to loose weight for 18 months (usually I barely have to try to loose weight)

    - Average exercise 30-60mins/ day

    - I look pregnant

    - None of my clothes fit anymore

    Brain fog

    -Can’t concentrate

    - Poor memory

    - Feels sludgy, no smooth thoughts

    - Almost constant headache

    Frequent illness/ infections

    - Getting ill once a month with a cold/ flu something like that

    - Have developed nasal polyps as a result

    - Recovery slow avg 2-3 weeks which means I’m ill 50-70% of the time

    Absolutely exhausted

    - Could sleep for England Sometimes struggle to get to sleep

    - Can easily sleep well over 12hrs but up to 24hrs at a time

    - Difficult to get up in the morning, everything heavy

    Loss of libido

    - 3-4x per week down to 1x per month

    Nipple discharge

    - Started in January 2022

    - Can be clear, milky or clear with yellow in it

    - Often spontaneous after a shower

    Numbness and tingling in hands and fingers

    - Palm of right hand feels like ice is being rammed into it. Almost feels like the nerve is exposed and cold but it doesnt hurt and there’s not anything I can find that helps

    - Left hand pinky and ring finger often go numb

    - Often comes in waves where it will be almost constant for a few days or weeks then subsides for a bit

    Temperature sensitivities

    - Often too hot or too cold and struggle to get to the right temperature without swinging too far the other way

    Loose, clicking joints

    - My ankles are always giving way and often hurt for days after a particularly bad roll

    - Many joints click when I move and I sound like a 1 man band, in particular my knees

    - The arch of my right foot clicks but I don’t think there’s any joint or anything there to click?

    Skin changes

    - Lots of bruises that I don’t know where they came from

    - Spots particularly on chest also more acne on my face than I had during teenage years

    - Fragile skin that tears if I take a plaster off

    - Purpura and pietache

    - Stretch marks on my sides and thighs

    Bowel changes

    - Swing between constipation and almost loose/ diarrhea

    Hair thinning

    Slow healing of wounds

    Recent additions

    - Longer, heavier periods (14 days and bleeding through onto clothes started 6-9 months ago)

    - Twitchy muscle thing

    - Can feel blood in my legs

    - Intermittently feels like I have a UTI for a few hrs then it goes away

    - Bone in my lower leg hurts (both sides)

    Test results

    - Normal pituitary MRI

    - Nasal polyps found on MRI

    - Normal ovaries (NOT PCOS)

    - mild anemia which worsened with heavier periods

    - Normal WBC even when ill

    - High IgA and IgM with normal IgG and recent EBV infection

    - Negative ANA

    - intermittently elevated liver enzymes, negative liver antibodies

    - Negative HIV

    - TSH mid of normal range, T4 on lower end but normal

    - CRP normal, ESR borderline

    - high Phosphate swings between high and low but usually low and rarely normal

    - Intermittently but usually high estrogen, DHEAS, testosterone, cortisol, LH

    - Low good cholesterol (slightly), all other cholesterols are normal

    - Normal vit D, platelets, urea, electrolytes, albium, calcium, HbA1C, B12

    If anyone has any suggestions of things to look into that'd be really helpful.

    #Undiagnosed #chronic #ChronicIllness #chronicallyill #searchingforanswers #Gaslighting #Answers #Diagnosis #Testresults #symptoms

    2 reactions 1 comment

    Being undiagnosed is Schrödinger's diagnosis

    I'm a physics student at the University of Cambridge and I am living with an undiagnosed illness (which I call Pete).

    For those not familiar with Schrodinger's cat, its a thought experiment used in understanding quantum mechanics. If you have a box with a cat in it and release a poison into the box that has a 50% chance of killing the cat and no way of knowing if the cat is dead without opening the box and checking then as long as the box is closed the cat is in a superposition of states where it is both dead and alive.

    Being undiagnosed is Schrödinger's diagnosis because it is both

    Curable and incurable Cancer and bengin Something serious and not Treatable and untreatable Progressive and constant That scary thing you read about and something much less sinister because you don't know which until someone actually takes the time to investigate properly and diagnose you. It's scary and it's lonely.

    #ChronicIllness #chronicallyill #physicist #Undiagnosed #fightingforanswers #fightingforadiagnosis #Gaslighting #Uncertainty #Waiting

    10 reactions 3 comments
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    Have you ever had a doctor gaslight you?

    Good morning! We have another question from the one-and-only Maya Lorde. While this topic can be a bit challenging, it’s one that, unfortunately, I’m sure a lot of us can relate to. I know I do.

    Here's Maya's question and what she has to say on this topic:

    Have you ever had a doctor gaslight you (deny your reality/discount your symptoms)?

    I have had doctors try to tell me that what I am experiencing is all in my head and that I should talk with a psychologist. I knew there was an underlying cause that was being overlooked because the doctor was too lazy to look or was trained to think women’s illnesses are all in our head.

    Has a doctor gaslighting you led to your PTSD? Do you feel unheard at your doctor appointments? Does it make you scared to go to the doctor?

    #PTSD #CPTSD #MedicalPtsd #MentalHealth #Gaslighting

    34 reactions 21 comments
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    Would You Give Up The Knowledge You Gained from Being Sick?

    I don’t know about you, but being sick has taught me many things. Yes—it’s come at the cost of my health, and I can’t say what my life would look like without being chronically ill, but I’m not sure I’d trade in the things I have learned these many years.

    Being sick has, I think, broadened my understanding of the world and myself, in ways I could never have imagined.

    I don’t think I would understand so well the struggles of others, if I had not faced adversity myself. I have become more politically conscious, because I know (too well) that there are choices being made by my government that affect the healthcare and support I do—or don’t—receive. I’ve come to better understand myself, who I am, and what matters most to me. I’ve sifted through the regrets of the past so many times, that I’ve been able to make peace with my demons. It’s only taken 40 something years, but I finally feel at home in the body I live in. Of course I wished it worked better, but I also understand that my childhood traumas made me prone to getting ill, and that I subjected my body to many harmful things in the fruitless pursuit of trying to ‘fit in’.

    There are things I’ve learned that I would not wish on my worst enemy. That in my lowest point of health, I realised that if I was an abandoned dog, I probably would have received a world of care compared to the medical neglect and gaslighting to which I was subjected. I’ve learned that most people, including those sworn to do no harm, are capable of inflicting the worst kinds of harm against others.

    Even more so when you are vulnerable, and at your lowest point.

    When you have nothing left to give, you find out who your truest friends are, and in my case this doesn’t include most of my family. But I think of how much energy I would have carried on wasting, continually trying to win and keep the approval of my dysfunctional family. Like a puppet on a string, dancing and giving of myself on command for nothing real in return… other than a few empty words of praise designed to keep me dancing and giving.

    I regret the wasted years of good energy on trying to take the best Instagram photo, instead of just living in each moment. I regret wasting energy trying to impress people I didn’t even know. I regret trying to curate my life, instead of appreciating fully, all the good I had—particularly in times of better health. I have learned to cherish more the life I have in this moment, because I now know just how much worse things can get. I have come to appreciate how much damage every one is carrying around with them, and how this effects the way we interact with each other, that seldom leaves a bridge for kindness and understanding. I’ve come to understand that the world has taught many to hurt others, before the world can hurt them.

    Being sick has taught me all this and more, and though it feels like good health is wasted on many of the healthy, I don’t think I’d give up all that I’ve learned. How about you?

    #MightyTogether #ChronicIllness #CPTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #Childhoodtrauma #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #InvisibleIllness #MedicalTrauma #Gaslighting

    9 reactions
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    The Long and Winding Road *TW*

    As someone with a chronic illness, and after having sat vigil for several nights by my father’s bedside keeping him company so that he would not be alone when he died, these lyrics by Waylon Jennings has always carried some significance for me:

    “If you see me getting smaller, I'm leaving, don't be grieving, just gotta get away from here. If you see me getting smaller, don't worry, I'm in no hurry, I've got the right to disappear.”

    Today was both surreal and a challenge.

    While catching up with a friend, in chatting about my illness and the lack of progress or any meaningful medical support, I casually mentioned that I have allocated in my mind a bit of a timer. In that if from some years from now if things do not improve and my quality of life decreases any further, I will consider my options and my own right to disappear.

    She did not take this well and came at me from every angle to dissuade me from even considering this path. It was a difficult conversation to have but in some way I’m grateful for it, in that my conviction on the subject is undeterred. In Waylon’s words, I feel I have the right to disappear. And as Nina Simone famously sang “if I die and my soul be lost, Nobody’s fault but mine.”

    I’m borrowing a lot of other people’s words today but in the words of Forrest Gump; “And that’s all I have to say about that.”

    No sooner had I finished this phone call, I got a call from my doctor and found out from him that when the hospital reached out to him to ask for information about my medical history, they were trying to get him to agree that I suffered from a psychosomatic disorder. Never mind that I was in fact suffering from chronic hyperthyroidism, and the very first thing I found when I googled ‘inverted T-waves’ was that it is most often associated with thyroid conditions—instead of getting an endocrinologist to review my case, the first thing they reached for is that I must be crazy.

    As much as I continue to fight for answers and advocate for myself, I do not have endless resources at my disposal. So while I continue to hope for and try my best, I do not think it is unreasonable to consider the worst case scenario given how many doctors I saw while in hospital, all of whom failed to consider or identify that my cardiac symptoms were thyroid related despite me suggesting this on numerous occasions.

    This whole day has provoked some soul searching and I find these words from The Castaway by William Cowper echoing in my mind:

    “No voice divine the storm allay'd,
    No light propitious shone;
    When, snatch'd from all effectual aid,
    We perish'd, each alone”.

    Of other people’s opinions on my health journey and to circle back to the Paul McCartney penned song from the title of this post—and a serendipitous nod to name of this group—I’ll end this post with these borrowed words that I think rather effectively summarise what it is to live with an invisible illness; “Many times I've been alone, And many times I've cried, Anyway, you'll never know, The many ways I've tried”.

    #Grief #GriefQuotes #MightyPoets #MightyMusic #Thoughts #medicalgaslighting #Gaslighting #MyCondition #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue #InvisibleIllness

    9 reactions 3 comments

    I don't even like this term
    My daughter who is young but a adult is expecting her first baby 😀❤
    I'm excited to be Grandma.
    Anyway... her Dr. Is Horrible and makes my daughter uncomfortable.
    It's too late to switch now, she's due next week.
    The doctor threatens a psych hold because she didn't see a dietitian.
    What in the world?
    Everything and everyone around the pregnancy has been healthy and happy.
    So this Dr. Makes me mad.
    At least we won't see her again soon.



    As the obstacles

    Between us dropped away, you walked

    To the horizon.

    You never looked back.

    Your silence skinned me alive,

    Laying bare all that

    I thought I had done

    Wrong. Your vague letters salted

    My wounds as I loped

    Toward the sun, my

    Vigil unending because

    I loved you.

    We were together

    Still when you wed someone else

    As a joke. I could

    Not laugh after weeks

    Of hearing nothing from you.

    Not even that it

    Was over. How did I

    Become the bad guy, when you

    Ghosted me?

    I now stand vigil

    Over the place where I hurt

    Feeling nothing but


    #Depression #Trauma #Gaslighting

    6 reactions

    Complexities, invisible scars and getting the help you need #TPN #MALNURISHMENT #Gaslighting #behcets #Ileostomy #help

    I suffer from multiple illnesses. The main one being a rare vascular disease called Behçet’s that I was diagnosed with over 15 years ago.. It has destroyed my body inside and out. My entire colon was removed and afterward I’ve developed one problem after another. At one point, I was on a ventilator undergoing 6-8 hours of dialysis a day after I went into kidney failure. I spent year being mistreated by doctors. I have been called crazy, hysterical, accused of seeking pain meds, subjected to absolutely horrific abuse from medical staff and it ultimately caused a spiral in my mental health. For the past 6-7 years, I’ve had a great team of doctors(finally) until now. I went through 6 months of chemotherapy for the Behçet’s. It was very difficult, but it has helped the disease tremendously. Unfortunately, it has caused more problems with my gut. Over the last year I am only able to eat extremely bland food with no nutrients. Now it’s becoming difficult to eat at all. All of my doctors think I need to start TPN right away for severe malnutrition, but referred me to the GI doctor to prescribe it and follow me. The GI doctor refused ANY kind of supplemental nutrition. He was rude, hateful and gaslit me during the whole appointment. I am wasting away. I am too weak to shower, drive and sometimes too weak to walk into the next room. My life is in complete shambles and once again, my mental health has taken a dive. Most days I can’t even digest my medication. I’m completely lost and have no idea where to turn, as my other doctors have begun to step away because I’m so “complex”. I’ve researched where to go for help for the extreme malnourishment and I get nowhere. Can anyone help me and:or offer any suggestions? I’ve faced some really difficult times, but I’m seeing any way out of this. Please help!! #behcets #Ileostomy #malnutrtion #haslighting #help