gaslighting

Hi everyone, I’m new here and have done an introduction on the mighty already but not on this specific group.

I’m writing tonight because I got a string of really angry text messages from my mom tonight that have me feeling a bit down and questioning my reality. Years of therapy have taught me about her narcissistic traits and I’ve been validated for the emotional abuse I’ve suffered from her. Therapists have explained to me the concept of scapegoating which I feel I relate to, but my mom is so invalidating that it makes me confused.

Anytime I try to talk to her about an issue to resolve or better understand something, she turns it back on me… blaming me for the exact thing that I’m bringing up. Is this gaslighting? Can anyone relate to this experience? I’m having a hard time understanding and feeling certain of where I stand at the moment. 😢 The blame and guilt trips (although they used to affect me wayyyy more) are painful and difficult to process.

I don’t want to play the victim here, and I don’t want to get stuck in that mentality. Ugh how do I fix this? 😓

#ComplexPTSD #narcabuse #EmotionalAbuse #confused #Gaslighting #scapegoat

I heard the sound of dripping a little while ago. I look towards the sound, and water(?) is dripping from the ceiling onto my paper towels and in the bin they're in. I woke my boyfriend, and he pulled the bin away, telling me this has happened before. I asked him why he's never told me! I have OCD, and water (or anything) dripping into my bin is a big problem! He said he's told me, that this is the third time it's happened in two years, but I'm positive he's never told me. He's lied about many things before, even things I had proof of. He said he complained to management before (we're in a motel, for those who don't know) and they said it's condensation from the pipes, and it's no big deal. Well, it is to me! My boyfriend knows I wouldn't want my things to be dripped on, so why did he put them there? I'm so angry right now.

I’m at the point where so much is weighing on me I can’t articulate what’s wrong when I don’t feel right in one way or another. What I do know is I feel like the walking dead. I need to just vent a little about what’s been happening for me and this doesn’t scratch the surface. I got so isolated that the only person I have to talk to is my therapist once a week so fuck it I’m venting here.

On December 22nd I found the courage I needed to get cold as a rock and tell my now ex I didn’t want to continue working through things and to please not contact me. I was in an #AbusiveRelationship and had no idea. I’d survived years of #EmotionalAbuse and had been trying to end the relationship for months before finding the stone cold bad bitch I needed to be and stand the fuck up for myself. After years of #Abuse and #Gaslighting I was an empty shell of the fierce woman I’d been. I had a few moments of clarity that probably saved my life. I was able to see the man who said “I love you” for the monster he really is - no matter how many times he called ME a monster for having mental health issues.
You see, I’ve been diagnosed with #CPTSD , #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder , #BipolarDisorder , #DissociativeIdentityDisorder , and a few other things. I don’t care what I actually have, but the one thing I’ve never done is give up or stop working on bettering myself and managing my symptoms. With all that, I’m back in school at 30 with a 4.0 GPA. I’ve been killing it while being told I’m not good enough and that my issues cause all these problems blah blah blah. He knew so of this about me going into the relationship and used it all against me making me believe I was sick when I wasn’t.
Meanwhile, he started cheating on me 6 months into our 4.5 year relationship while I was in a mental health treatment program after he convinced me I needed to go to the hospital. The girl was a hooker. He literally fucked her the day after our first Valentine’s Day and then picked me up from my program. I didn’t know this until recently before I broke up with him. Over the course of the next few years he stole over $5000 from me between lying about needing money for bills and taking my half of the rent and not paying it.
I found out because I went through his phone for the first time in our relationship. I can’t tell you got many videos there were of him fucking another girl on the comforter I bought. I found this out after my mother and I built an apartment in her basement for him and I to live in. Our agreement was that what we paid in rent would pay for the renovation and he accepted that responsibility because I wasn’t working while going to school. He quit his job a month after we moved in and said he couldn’t pay. He kept telling me not to worry about money because he had a trust fund… That was a lie.
Enough venting for not. It’s exacerbated my mental health symptoms and I’m exhausted. I just needed to start putting words out there and find my voice again.

Hi, I haven’t posted in a couple years. I’m going through the toughest year I have every had. All because I commicated to my husband of a decade that we were drifting apart and I needed to start feeling more of an emotional connection or we would not make it. And a sexless marriage wasn’t working for me. All hell has broken loose. I have since been the victim of passive aggression and gaslighting. I have good evidence he is a covert narcissist or shows those symptoms do to his coping response of disassociating and the absolute refusal to feel emotions. But not just not feeling, using any and all toxic mechanisms to avoid having to. I’ve been through what most people would of left, ran. I should leave but he’s in therapy and we haven’t started couples therapy yet. I’m giving it that chance. There is a timeline boundary in place. 7 months and nothing much to show. 5 to go.
It’s just his behavior is so bad and been going on so long itaa’s triggering my depression and I’m visiting what I call the dark place almost everyday. I’m starting to hate him for this. I feel we most likely will be divorced but I have to get all my ducks in a row before I can make that move. I refuse to start meds so that I numb out and accept this behavior like I have for years. So very painful to feel his rejection almost everyday. I’m in therapy as well, it has confirmed I’m not crazy and something is very wrong with him. #Depression #Gaslighting #Divorce #narcissist #EmotionalAbuse