gaslighting

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I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

I’m on disability and have been for 10 years. I live in a community area that is specifically targeted for seniors and those on disability who are low income. My neighbor of 3 years is bipolar and narcissistic. She has told me this herself. I have major depressive disorder, CPTSD, Anxiety, Hypersensitivity, Skin Picking Disorder, Insomnia, Agoraphobia, Self Hate, and OCD. I have 2 family members with her same diagnosis. Two of my counselors and my psychiatrist finally got me to cut the two family members out of my life for my mental health safety. It was the best thing I did for myself as they wouldn’t respect my boundaries once I started to put them in place. Unfortunately I’m not able to do that with my neighbor. I can’t even have a private conversation in my own home without her ease dropping on it. I caught her getting close to my windows as I saw her feet. I said “OMG she’s at my window as I can see her feet. I can’t even have a private conversation in my own home!” I was having a telahealth meeting with my previous counselor. He tried to get me to talk to our property manager about it back at that time. I finally did speak with our new property manager about it last week from the urging of my new counselor. I looked into moving into another unit in my complex but I can’t afford to do it. My counselor suggested putting a radio in front of the window in the room I’m choosing to have a conversation. But how do I start to set boundaries with my neighbor. I rarely saw the two family members in person. They mostly did their damage through phone calls, texts, Facebook posts and messenger. So it was easier to take care of dealing with them. But this neighbor I have to see on a regular basis. Before things got tense between us I was the one who did all of the driving to any place we went. She never said thank you, offered a bit of gas money or said I’ll buy your lunch since you drove. I drove her to her colonoscopy appointment last year when gas was over $5 per gallon. I figured it up and it cost me $62 dollars round trip to do that. She didn’t pay me for any of it, breakfast or say thank you. Someone please help me figure out what I can do to protect myself from the manipulation, guilt trips and gaslighting that I receive from her. #bipo #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #majordeprissivedisorder #CPTSD #Gaslighting #Agoraphobia #SkinPickingDisorder #OCD

Today was the second meeting of my depression therapy group. It runs from 10-11:30am weekly, and the facilitators were quite strict about attendance and punctuality in the first meeting. I entered the building at exactly 10am after a 30 minute walk to get there (bus drivers are on strike). The receptionist said that they had already gone back to the meeting room and that I had to sit and wait until the facilitator came to check for stragglers. I didn't like being characterized that way since I had arrived on time.

After waiting ten minutes, the facilitator came to get me (everyone else had apparently arrived earlier than 10am). I told her that I had come on time because I was worried that she would think badly of me since she had to interrupt the session to come get me. I asked if I needed to arrive early and she said no. I told her that the situation made me feel very anxious. The session itself went fine, but it took me at least thirty minutes to calm down enough to take it in.

I felt a bit manipulated in this situation by a "moving the goal posts" action - that is, I was told 10am was "on time" but then when I showed up at 10am, I was somehow "late". I know that I was triggered by this because my narcissistic ex used to do things like this to me all the time. It doesn't help that the facilitator was in a position of some authority - I had been on a waitlist for so long and I didn't want to lose the opportunity to be part of this group.

I've had a few of these situations happen lately and while I always maintain my composure in the moment (a lifetime of practice 🙃), I don't like the fallout afterward. I've been feeling it all through my body this afternoon.

I understand that this was a very minor issue, and that no one was hurt by it. But I feel like I am at a place in my journey where I just don't want to deal with these things anymore. "You're going to manipulate me? Fine. You don't get access to my life anymore." It's like an overreactive way to take back my power. I have felt so powerless for most of my life and now that I've learned how to get perspective, I'm just done with it. I don't want it in my life.

Realistically, though, these situations are going to constantly come up in my life because humans do these things. Even I do them to others. I am still figuring out how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.

#manipulation #Gaslighting #movingthegoalposts #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #Therapy #GroupTherapy #power #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

So, I am completely devastated right now. My daughter is married to a significantly older man who enjoys voyeurism, and instead of being bothered by it, she willingly participates in it, and then, when he got bored of watching her, she moved me up to be with her and now she's convinced me that NOTHING IS GOING ON IN HER HOUSE, MOM. Even though, I stood on the back porch, crying and using American Sign Language (ASL), to get out all my stuff, and I begged for someone, anyone, to help me get proof that I could give my daughter, so she would know, that I was being injected with some kind of immobilizer and raped every night. She called me so many names, you can't believe, and then threw me out of her house and she has basically thrown me away, in a strange city, in a strange state. I feel like just throwing everything away that she's ever given me and getting all new stuff. I'm also terrified that she's turned me over to people who are much more dangerous than she is.

Here are my symptoms at the moment:

Weight gain

- Previously I was always on the thin end of the spectrum now on the overweight boundary

- Have been passively been trying to loose weight for 18 months (usually I barely have to try to loose weight)

- Average exercise 30-60mins/ day

- I look pregnant

- None of my clothes fit anymore

Brain fog

-Can’t concentrate

- Poor memory

- Feels sludgy, no smooth thoughts

- Almost constant headache

Frequent illness/ infections

- Getting ill once a month with a cold/ flu something like that

- Have developed nasal polyps as a result

- Recovery slow avg 2-3 weeks which means I’m ill 50-70% of the time

Absolutely exhausted

- Could sleep for England Sometimes struggle to get to sleep

- Can easily sleep well over 12hrs but up to 24hrs at a time

- Difficult to get up in the morning, everything heavy

Loss of libido

- 3-4x per week down to 1x per month

Nipple discharge

- Started in January 2022

- Can be clear, milky or clear with yellow in it

- Often spontaneous after a shower

Numbness and tingling in hands and fingers

- Palm of right hand feels like ice is being rammed into it. Almost feels like the nerve is exposed and cold but it doesnt hurt and there’s not anything I can find that helps

- Left hand pinky and ring finger often go numb

- Often comes in waves where it will be almost constant for a few days or weeks then subsides for a bit

Temperature sensitivities

- Often too hot or too cold and struggle to get to the right temperature without swinging too far the other way

Loose, clicking joints

- My ankles are always giving way and often hurt for days after a particularly bad roll

- Many joints click when I move and I sound like a 1 man band, in particular my knees

- The arch of my right foot clicks but I don’t think there’s any joint or anything there to click?

Skin changes

- Lots of bruises that I don’t know where they came from

- Spots particularly on chest also more acne on my face than I had during teenage years

- Fragile skin that tears if I take a plaster off

- Purpura and pietache

- Stretch marks on my sides and thighs

Bowel changes

- Swing between constipation and almost loose/ diarrhea

Hair thinning

Slow healing of wounds

Recent additions

- Longer, heavier periods (14 days and bleeding through onto clothes started 6-9 months ago)

- Twitchy muscle thing

- Can feel blood in my legs

- Intermittently feels like I have a UTI for a few hrs then it goes away

- Bone in my lower leg hurts (both sides)

Test results

- Normal pituitary MRI

- Nasal polyps found on MRI

- Normal ovaries (NOT PCOS)

- mild anemia which worsened with heavier periods

- Normal WBC even when ill

- High IgA and IgM with normal IgG and recent EBV infection

- Negative ANA

- intermittently elevated liver enzymes, negative liver antibodies

- Negative HIV

- TSH mid of normal range, T4 on lower end but normal

- CRP normal, ESR borderline

- high Phosphate swings between high and low but usually low and rarely normal

- Intermittently but usually high estrogen, DHEAS, testosterone, cortisol, LH

- Low good cholesterol (slightly), all other cholesterols are normal

- Normal vit D, platelets, urea, electrolytes, albium, calcium, HbA1C, B12

If anyone has any suggestions of things to look into that'd be really helpful.

#Undiagnosed #chronic #ChronicIllness #chronicallyill #searchingforanswers #Gaslighting #Answers #Diagnosis #Testresults #symptoms

I'm a physics student at the University of Cambridge and I am living with an undiagnosed illness (which I call Pete).

For those not familiar with Schrodinger's cat, its a thought experiment used in understanding quantum mechanics. If you have a box with a cat in it and release a poison into the box that has a 50% chance of killing the cat and no way of knowing if the cat is dead without opening the box and checking then as long as the box is closed the cat is in a superposition of states where it is both dead and alive.

Being undiagnosed is Schrödinger's diagnosis because it is both

Curable and incurable Cancer and bengin Something serious and not Treatable and untreatable Progressive and constant That scary thing you read about and something much less sinister because you don't know which until someone actually takes the time to investigate properly and diagnose you. It's scary and it's lonely.

#ChronicIllness #chronicallyill #physicist #Undiagnosed #fightingforanswers #fightingforadiagnosis #Gaslighting #Uncertainty #Waiting