#CheckInWithMe: Give and get support here.

Today started really good. I've got no pain, I got snacks during the group and then I went to the pharmacy and they gave me another snack, I got to see a few support people who I really like, and I got to share a long term goal with the group. They said it sounds really nice. The group is for 8 weeks and then you can work on whatever physical health conditions you want for a few more weeks one on one. I wasn't sure I'd like the group but it was really nice.
Now I'm just sitting on my couch with Pauley and I'm sipping on some vanilla orange mango flavored sparkling water. When I was waiting for transportation my psychiatrist came out looking for his clients and he saw me and said "don't I see you tomorrow?" And I just smiled and said "hi Jeff, I'm here for group. Our appointment is tomorrow."
I've got about 6 huge pimples on my chin and one very painful abscessed pimple on my back. Pauley popped most of them but they respawned.
Pauley is a human cat. The kind who gets a fancy cat tower and jumps in the box it comes in. I got her a bag of white cheddar popcorn and instead she's eating plain tortilla chips.
I'm very hangry. I got a lot of groceries last night and my freezer and fridge are full. Unfortunately the grocery store was out of potato smilies. And the popcorn chicken from Meijer is really yucky. But I got about 12 cans of Campbell's chunky soup. For brunch I ate a can of clam chowder. It was a little spicy. I love clams and mussels and oysters and shellfish 🦐. I love seafood.
I find myself wanting to call my mom to tell her about the group but I am not talking to her right now. I'm taking a break from calling her. I just really need someone who cares about me to talk to on the phone. I crave actually talking to people.
I really want to go to GoB. I need to get a deck of Munchkin.
#CheckInWithMe

I am sitting here crying cuz my mom is just such a negative hateful spiteful dense as a brick person. I once asked my dad how he proposed to mom. He said alcohol was involved. Then I asked my mom how dad proposed and she said alcohol was involved.
So I gotta consider the source.
I texted my mom asking if she was home and she responded she was going to kohls and she would call me soon. So when she called she asked what's wrong and I said nothing. I just wanted to talk. So she started berating me and telling me I'm wasting her time. So I replied "if this is how you're gonna talk to me I just won't call anymore" and then I hung up.
She told me I'm faking being sick for attention. Nevermind the tests and imaging and treatments that prove I'm really sick. My mom actually told me I'm manipulating the tests. Because of course I have magical abilities to do that.
When I was in high school my sister asked my dad why only men got prostate cancer. She thought it was part of the brain. My dad looked at me and we both were fighting back laughing. My mom chimes in with "don't make fun of her, it's not like that is common knowledge". So I turned to my dad and asked him why he married her and he said he couldn't remember and he said they have nothing in common.
She's just so dumb. And transphobic.
I called her a homophobe and she responded "I can't be something I don't know what it is!" Apparently later she asked dad what does homophobe mean. She came to me that night and said "dad said I'm not homophobic cuz I'm not scared of gay people!" I nearly choked on my tongue.
So yeah. That's how I am today.
#CheckInWithMe #Depression