ChronicFatiqueSyndrome

Or do you even try? I struggle with it even though I KNOW a strict routine helps me. #routineneeded #Sarcoidosis #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatiqueSyndrome

This is something I wrote regarding my latest trip to the ER. The "doctor" didn't even listen to me or know a thing about my disability. He called me fat both times he spoke to me even though my weight gain is a result of my condition. When I told him I haven't been able to hold down water without vomiting it back up he blamed my anxiety. He kept talking over me when I tried to explain my symptoms. I'm so upset with doctors. They're awful. I feel awful about myself
. #ChronicIllness #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatiqueSyndrome
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I see you. You stare at me with your condescending gaze and your know-it-all attitude. I can hear your annoyance as I list off my symptoms and tell you that I know my issues aren’t psychological. Your words cut into me like knives and cut every shred of self-confidence I once had away until I’m nothing but a shell full of broken-hearted tears and anguish. I see you. Your snide remark of being overweight each time you came back told me everything. “Your words mean nothing.” “Your feelings mean nothing.” Your years of schooling will never exceed the knowledge I have of my own body, mind, and spirit. I never chose to be sick I used to be an athlete. I was in marching band for two years, lifted weights, went jogging with my dog, walked and biked for miles because I was bored and wanted something to do. Then chronic illness came like a thief in the night and stole all my cherished possessions. The things that made me who I am, who I used to be. You’ll never know how I cling on to my healthier self like a raft afloat in a rageful sea. You’ll never know how I wake up each day and feel like a failure because I can’t do what I love. I love to exercise, I love being active, but with each step, I take my body resists until I’m so exhausted from fighting myself that I no longer have the energy to be human. I look at myself in the mirror and see a stranger looking back. This person is ugly, and I hate them Their hair is matted and dirty, their teeth yellow from missed brushes, their body filthy. They haven’t bathed in days because their body is too tired to live. My body is too tired to live. Each and every day is a fight and It’s a fight that I constantly lose. I miss my life. I miss living. I’m tired of just existing, I want to live -Monet McCain

I spent the whole weekend in a panic trying not to be anxious and to recover so that I could make it through work all week. I’ve been starting to miss work more often and to the point where I foresee it being a problem. (I lost as I missed today.)

So I make in to the job site hurting and tired— everyone else is “tired” though theirs is obviously different. Anyway, I’m from St. Louis, MO and everyone is crazy about baseball and hockey— the Blues could win the cup. I don’t drink and I don’t get too excited for much— sports included.

So I sit down at the break table and the foreman starts asking if people are going to show up on Thursday— due to the Blues playing on Wednesday night and the assumption they may be drunk or too tired. After several coworkers saying they wouldn’t be there, it got to me and I was like— Why would I not be here Thursday?

Anyway people upset me. Not to mention having to listen to the crazy amounts of money people part with for these things. I have a family to support. Got screwed out of pay for years. And could tell someone where I am without any help offered and worse yet— they almost all have the nerve to say they understand or “me too”. #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatiqueSyndrome #SocialAnxiety #MissingWork