Citalopram

I feel as if a great fog is clouding my brain, it numbs my senses and it makes it hard to function and focus. My brain is less busy with thoughts and that little constant critisicing voice is quieter. I feel alone even when I’m with people, I am not a participant in the world , I watch people living and I am unable to join in. I long to be in that state between dreams, not asleep because of the nightmares but that peaceful place where I’m not present in this world and my brain is quiet. My brain is ungrateful for the life it was lucky to be given, this makes me feel guilty as I am aware I should feel fortunate to be alive, I want to exorcise these thoughts, they invade my mind like a parasitic demon that constantly looks over my shoulder. I fight this battle every day and no amount of bravery can conquer it, no one can save me from myself, every day eithier I or it wins, it is tiring, I am tired. I am stuck in a war within myself it’s and the scars are taking there toll. I arm myself with pills and meditation but it always fights back, I am covered in scars and tattoos. Visual reminders of the time my fight. I am a warrior my shield is my love, for my family, I fight for them when I’m not strong enough to fight for myself. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #deppression #Citalopram #Anxiety #depersonalisation