Am I doing the right thing? #Depression #triggers #FamilyTrigger
Hello Mighty Fam,
I just have a challenge I am dealing with that I go back and forth mentally if I am doing the right thing. It’s a long post and I apologise, I just want to give details to avoid confusion.
Well I am 2 weeks shy of celebrating my 1 year anniversary of dealing with my depression. It took about 3-4 years to take the step. I made a decision to award myself the time and dedication I deserve to deal with it, which meant cutting out some things.
I love singing, so I was part of a choir (my cousin founded it. She is a key player in this hence my mentioning of her.) I asked to be given time off to start my journey. I turned down some events I would get invited to, I stopped going to funerals and memorials ( they were and are still a big trigger for me), I basically pulled away from everything and faced my challenge as honestly and vulnerably as I could. I told my family of my decision and reasons behind my scarcity. They have always been supportive but little did I know about some of them.
My aforementioned cousin was like an older sister to me. I haven’t made the best decisions in my life and I would at times confide in her and seek advise. During the time I was secluded, word got round to me through my best friend that she had called to tell her what a horrible person I am. That I am a home wrecker. That I seek attention and I am lying about being depressed. She told her to basically abandon me since I’m the scum of the earth. I was hurt and obviously this caused a slump in my progress.
She (cousin) now treats me like I owe her an apology for the state I am in. And my stubborn self is refusing to take it. I have been asked what I have done wrong, and it’s a question I ask myself time and again and I just do not understand how someone can personalise another persons predicament. (Maybe you can help with that).
My other family members (have been supportive) have asked me to reach out to her and try sort this out, but besides me feeling that I’m not ready to, I also feel like I don’t need that kind of person/behaviour in my life. I love and miss her so much but I can’t afford to go back on the promise I have made to myself to never allow myself to bend backwards for something I do not believe in.
Maybe I am being defensive but that’s my perspective of the situation. But I am open to taking advice and opinions about this. Please do share. 🙏🏽 #CheckInWithMe #DealingWithDepression #DepressionAndDecisionMaking