disrespect

Hi
Warning-
Nothing positive here. I just need to B*tch . Something abt putting my thoughts out to where other ppl may see them is a step above bitching to myself.
I feel like I hav no rt to complain. I feel hesitant to say anything at all. My daughter has ripped my head off abt me expressing my feelings to her- & now when i tread with trepidation around her, she verbalizes that i must hav PTSD from my sisters!!
This from the girl who literally screamed inches from my face- "Are u F*cking Crazy???!" Or "You're a self obsessed Narcissist"- me who spent my career in the helping fields.
This young woman who, after begging me to tell her if i ever felt suicidal- left me- after I mustered the ooomph to tell her I Was Suicidal, to go pour coffee at a Barrista job. This same girl who refused me sleeping on her couch when i was evacuated out of my home for 19 days due to Wildfires. This same girl who left me when I was afraid I might OD on some hash oil a friend had given me for insomnia. - when I was too messed up to move or use a phone- much less find a phone. This woman who threatened to leave me places, miles from home, never bothered to even call when i was stuck in 5 feet of snow in the mountains, with no heat for 12 days- this girl who has repeatedly stolen from me, gaslighted me, bullied me, lied about me- & destroyed the relationship between my son & I- THIS GIRL- Now suddenly loves her Mom????

I call BullShit- & just another set up to be kicked in the teeth.

She has destroyed my Family & very nearly Me- & she denies every last bit.

NOW she just had her 1st daughters birth. Of course I was there all thru it- but really it's the same old story-

It Hurts. & there are NO good answers.

Thanks to her, my son has nothing to do with me. He also gaslights & bullies if he's able.

As a Mom, I feel like I cant win. Anyone who hasnt been on the sidelines directly either Accuses me of being a. Monster Mom- or being a mealy mouthed Wallflower.

I assure you I am neither. But Im done defending or explaining myself to Anyone-

I dont know if the Gashing Wound thru my Heart- caused by my children's Cruelty, Indifference & lack of Love, Empathy or Concern will ever stop gushing Blood- much less heal.

AND NOW- the Ultimate Actress "doesn't remember" any of the truly horrific things she's said & done & wants to play "Devoted Daughter."

Well thing is, I DO Remember. The Wounds are still there. Some days it's hard to just breathe In & Out-

Like I said, nothin positive in my post today- but I just needed to "say it out loud" if u will- to somebody- AI, Virtual or whatever.

I’m so overcome with a flood of emotions. I’ve been trying to get full time at my work place and they keep turning me down. Mind you, I was full time before my chronic illnesses and had to be part time until my doctors gave me full time clearance. They hire younger people who don’t want to stay for the long haul and here I’ve been loyal for 10+ years and get excuses. It makes me so angry and depressed. I really need to hear something uplifting today because me and my family are struggling to pay bills because of this.😭

It’s like I’m not allowed to get angry! I hate a lot of the things people do to me and yet when I try to stand up for myself and say that I didn’t like it, and enforce boundaries, I’m always made to feel that I’m wrong for feeling the way I do and I’m “selfish”. I hate when people point out things about my body or tease me about something I’m insecure about, and they just go “well, it’s the truth!” as an excuse for saying things. It should be common sense to just not do that! I honestly also don’t like things that typically aren’t “bad” but I just personally hate, like being called “cute” because I find it patronizing, basically, no matter what the intention was of the person saying it. You can tell me all you want about it being a good thing or what not, that’s actually just going to make me feel worse and I’m always going to hate it and I hate that I have to argue with people when I say I don’t like something. I’m so sick of hearing “you need to have an open mind!” Or “it’s just a joke! Have a sense of humor!” Or “you’re too sensitive” or “it’s a compliment! There’s nothing wrong with it!” They always try to turn it on me and make me in the wrong for my feelings! I’m sure there are other people who feel the same as I do, but my whole life I’ve just been surrounded by the type of people who are inconsiderate, like to invalidate, gaslight, etc., even my parents do this, so I’ve been conditioned to feel I’m in the wrong even though I don’t want to be wrong about my feelings, and I can’t help but even play devil’s advocate with myself and tell myself I’m wrong, and I hate that I do this to myself! It just makes me feel that I’ll never feel heard or that my feelings will never be respected, I’ll always be wrong for how I react to things or how I feel about things, I can never open up to anyone no matter how much I’m suffering inside. #Depression #Insecure #Selfimage #Selfesteem #invalidation #boundaries #Gaslighting #manipulation #misundersood #disrespect #EmotionalAbuse