disrespect

I’m so overcome with a flood of emotions. I’ve been trying to get full time at my work place and they keep turning me down. Mind you, I was full time before my chronic illnesses and had to be part time until my doctors gave me full time clearance. They hire younger people who don’t want to stay for the long haul and here I’ve been loyal for 10+ years and get excuses. It makes me so angry and depressed. I really need to hear something uplifting today because me and my family are struggling to pay bills because of this.😭

It’s like I’m not allowed to get angry! I hate a lot of the things people do to me and yet when I try to stand up for myself and say that I didn’t like it, and enforce boundaries, I’m always made to feel that I’m wrong for feeling the way I do and I’m “selfish”. I hate when people point out things about my body or tease me about something I’m insecure about, and they just go “well, it’s the truth!” as an excuse for saying things. It should be common sense to just not do that! I honestly also don’t like things that typically aren’t “bad” but I just personally hate, like being called “cute” because I find it patronizing, basically, no matter what the intention was of the person saying it. You can tell me all you want about it being a good thing or what not, that’s actually just going to make me feel worse and I’m always going to hate it and I hate that I have to argue with people when I say I don’t like something. I’m so sick of hearing “you need to have an open mind!” Or “it’s just a joke! Have a sense of humor!” Or “you’re too sensitive” or “it’s a compliment! There’s nothing wrong with it!” They always try to turn it on me and make me in the wrong for my feelings! I’m sure there are other people who feel the same as I do, but my whole life I’ve just been surrounded by the type of people who are inconsiderate, like to invalidate, gaslight, etc., even my parents do this, so I’ve been conditioned to feel I’m in the wrong even though I don’t want to be wrong about my feelings, and I can’t help but even play devil’s advocate with myself and tell myself I’m wrong, and I hate that I do this to myself! It just makes me feel that I’ll never feel heard or that my feelings will never be respected, I’ll always be wrong for how I react to things or how I feel about things, I can never open up to anyone no matter how much I’m suffering inside. #Depression #Insecure #Selfimage #Selfesteem #invalidation #boundaries #Gaslighting #manipulation #misundersood #disrespect #EmotionalAbuse