invalidation

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How dare you validate me?!

That’s how I feel as my therapist explains how there’s still a version of five year old me inside myself that’s hurt and scared by my fathers angry verbal outbursts. “But I was never hit” “he said worse to my older brothers” “it happened a long time ago it’s not important” all these thoughts and more swirl in my head as she talks. I was the baby girl, the favorite. My older brothers and even my father consistently reminding me how much easier my childhood was compared to theirs. So what right do I have to struggle? Nothing was ever that bad.
My therapist wants me to try taking the mountian of a baby step to accept that my experiences are valid and they were hurtful. But, I can’t? I panick when I think about it and the internal script of invalidating comments just gets louder and louder.

#Depression #Anxiety #ADHD #validation #invalidation #Therapy #DBT #parentalverbalabuse

2 comments
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CPTSD and relationships #CPTSD #Relationships #CheckInWithMe

Hi. I am struggling with the termination of a relationship. It didn’t end in a way that was volatile or unhealthy. It just ended.
I am hurt because he emotionally cut himself off a few months ago. So it feels like I am catching up with his indifference. It is really hurtful and invalidating because even if he did “emotionally cut himself off weeks ago,” we dated for 2.5 years. One would assume that he would still be upset.
But this post isn’t even about that. It’s about my other relationships with friends. I feel like I’m constantly defending myself to them. I’m rationalizing why his response is so irrational. I don’t care that he cut himself off weeks ago- it wasn’t like we were in a short term relationship. I cannot deal with the invalidation and the feeling that my friends are supporting him when he was the one who lied and broke promises.
How do you find people who have your back? #CPTSDinrelationships #CPTSD #Relationships #invalidation #CheckInWithMe

5 comments
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Invalidation and Anger

Invalidation makes me feel pushed around and walked on. I feel my dignity being stripped of and my self respect declining.

Invalidation confuses me and makes me wonder what I am facing in front of me. Whether the person in front of me is a kind or unkind person, whether they are a good or bad person, whether they enjoy being in a healthy relationship with me as a relative or friend.

Invalidation makes me worry about my ability to be safe in my relationship. It makes me feel sad and hurt. It makes me confused and terrified of the future. It makes me feel alone and isolated in my feelings of shame.

Invalidation makes me feel confused and ultimately, triggers an autistic meltdown for me.

#invalidation

5 comments
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invalidation & the Bible (lol. I make it sound so bad ..)

I'm quite sure I don't need to illustrate what invalidation looks like to the community here, but for context and common ground, to give an example -- it's like when someone says,

"Yes I see that you think/feel XYZ. *But* don't you think you _should [or should not]_ ..."

So the "but ..." and the "should/should not" is the element of invalidation bc it (1) negates the validity of the experience, & (2) creates superiority as a third party as to the "rightful" course of action the affected person needs to take.

And now we contextualize church (and the Bible haha)

It IS also (factually 😅) true that in the Bible, God's Word tells us to forgive those who trespass against us/that He first forgave us/that we are imperfect and keep praying for God to shape us into perfection (I'm lazy, find the references yourself).

So all that/both being true, when you encounter these:

(1) "People will always hurt us in this lifetime.. but let's just pray that God will help us to remember how much he first forgave us and forgive too.."

(2) "But I think we all need to check ourselves as well! Even if we are self aware, and we hope others will be, if we are annoyed / angry with others, can we pray that God will change our thinking and our hearts?"

... is it justified to feel invalidated after encountering the above responses?!?!! Telling me to pray when others have hurt me through their lack of self-awareness feels so .. trite and textbook-style-of-Christian-answer. But I can't technically argue against it cos its biblically true haha. I personally think a validating response is to acknowledge what has happened to me, without all the "but God-" or "even if ..., can we pray ..." - like say, "that sucked/was hurtful, sorry it happened!".

But what the Bible says is also true. (This is gonna be a completely wonky connection and link, but natural hahaha) -- does this make the words of the Bible invalidating to our hurt because after all Jesus suffered the most hurt on the cross?!?!!!

And and and, I think the person is genuinely confused as to why I feel invalidated (!!!) and I don't know how to explain why "but" and "should" are invalidating language -- so in that vein if anyone can point me to something concise (like, prefer instagram graphic post than full-fledged 10min read blog post) that explains this, it would help! ❤

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Church #invalidation

14 comments
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I'm tired of being invalidated

I'm tired of people telling me the reason I'm Bipolar is that I don't work out enough or I'm not involved enough with different activities. And I'm really tired of people assuming that I haven't taken my medication when I get a little bit angry or sad about something that I have a right to be angry or sad about. #invalidation #BipolarDisorder

5 comments
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Invalidation

It’s like I’m not allowed to get angry! I hate a lot of the things people do to me and yet when I try to stand up for myself and say that I didn’t like it, and enforce boundaries, I’m always made to feel that I’m wrong for feeling the way I do and I’m “selfish”. I hate when people point out things about my body or tease me about something I’m insecure about, and they just go “well, it’s the truth!” as an excuse for saying things. It should be common sense to just not do that! I honestly also don’t like things that typically aren’t “bad” but I just personally hate, like being called “cute” because I find it patronizing, basically, no matter what the intention was of the person saying it. You can tell me all you want about it being a good thing or what not, that’s actually just going to make me feel worse and I’m always going to hate it and I hate that I have to argue with people when I say I don’t like something. I’m so sick of hearing “you need to have an open mind!” Or “it’s just a joke! Have a sense of humor!” Or “you’re too sensitive” or “it’s a compliment! There’s nothing wrong with it!” They always try to turn it on me and make me in the wrong for my feelings! I’m sure there are other people who feel the same as I do, but my whole life I’ve just been surrounded by the type of people who are inconsiderate, like to invalidate, gaslight, etc., even my parents do this, so I’ve been conditioned to feel I’m in the wrong even though I don’t want to be wrong about my feelings, and I can’t help but even play devil’s advocate with myself and tell myself I’m wrong, and I hate that I do this to myself! It just makes me feel that I’ll never feel heard or that my feelings will never be respected, I’ll always be wrong for how I react to things or how I feel about things, I can never open up to anyone no matter how much I’m suffering inside. #Depression #Insecure #Selfimage #Selfesteem #invalidation #boundaries #Gaslighting #manipulation #misundersood #disrespect #EmotionalAbuse

4 comments
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Frustrated!

I had a phone appointment with my doctor today. I had my husband with me to reinforce everything. I told him that my brother had been diagnosed with EDS- hypermobility, my grandfather was reportedly very double jointed. My symptoms are getting worse. My daughter's are getting worse and I don't want her to hit the same hurdles that I am.

His after notes: "She insists that she's not a hypochondriac"

Then he diagnosed me with Hypermobility Disorder.

I am so tired.

#ehlersdanlossyndrometype3
#Depression
#invalidation

6 comments
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Judging #MightyPoets

When you tell your stories about
How faith and hard work pulled you through
You make me feel invalid
For failing to do the same

When you tell me how TV has caused
A mental health crisis in today's youth
You shut down the chance
For meaningful connection

When you criticize my life rhythms without
Knowing who I am and where I've been
You perpetuate the stigma
And only silence me further

#MentalHealth #silence #Judgement #invalidation #Stigma

1 comment
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When people ask you whats wrong and then you tell them whats wrong and then they come back with a "but everybody has that" retort, what do you do?

What do you do so you don't punch them in the face #idiots #Empathy #invalidation

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Thoughts kept to myself

One of the most isolating and irritating aspects of having irrational thoughts caused by anxiety is feeling like I have to keep it all to myself. It's rare that I can express an irrational fear out loud without someone over-explaining to me how much that particular thought doesn't make sense or even worse when someone gets up on their high horse and berates me for "not being confident enough". Having anxiety isn't about low self confidence(although at times it can be). Having someone smirk and smugly proclaim how "sure of themselves they're at all times" is not only unnecessary and pompous but it's just making the whole thing about them. When someone confides a personal anxiety in you, your first reaction shouldn't be to laugh and start ranting about how much more "well adjusted" YOU are. It's important to validate THEIR fears by acknowledging that it still affects them no matter how irrational it is and that you are there for them in that moment. Most people aren't asking for their anxiety to be "fixed" when they express those thoughts out loud... I think that most people just need to be heard. Sometimes it's better just to say the thought out loud to release it's power from inside your mind.

#didiaskforyour2cents
#Anxiety  #IntrusiveThoughts   #phobias   #invalidation #Isolation #SensoryProcessingDisorder #wanttodie

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