I'm quite sure I don't need to illustrate what invalidation looks like to the community here, but for context and common ground, to give an example -- it's like when someone says,
"Yes I see that you think/feel XYZ. *But* don't you think you _should [or should not]_ ..."
So the "but ..." and the "should/should not" is the element of invalidation bc it (1) negates the validity of the experience, & (2) creates superiority as a third party as to the "rightful" course of action the affected person needs to take.
And now we contextualize church (and the Bible haha)
It IS also (factually 😅) true that in the Bible, God's Word tells us to forgive those who trespass against us/that He first forgave us/that we are imperfect and keep praying for God to shape us into perfection (I'm lazy, find the references yourself).
So all that/both being true, when you encounter these:
(1) "People will always hurt us in this lifetime.. but let's just pray that God will help us to remember how much he first forgave us and forgive too.."
(2) "But I think we all need to check ourselves as well! Even if we are self aware, and we hope others will be, if we are annoyed / angry with others, can we pray that God will change our thinking and our hearts?"
... is it justified to feel invalidated after encountering the above responses?!?!! Telling me to pray when others have hurt me through their lack of self-awareness feels so .. trite and textbook-style-of-Christian-answer. But I can't technically argue against it cos its biblically true haha. I personally think a validating response is to acknowledge what has happened to me, without all the "but God-" or "even if ..., can we pray ..." - like say, "that sucked/was hurtful, sorry it happened!".
But what the Bible says is also true. (This is gonna be a completely wonky connection and link, but natural hahaha) -- does this make the words of the Bible invalidating to our hurt because after all Jesus suffered the most hurt on the cross?!?!!!
And and and, I think the person is genuinely confused as to why I feel invalidated (!!!) and I don't know how to explain why "but" and "should" are invalidating language -- so in that vein if anyone can point me to something concise (like, prefer instagram graphic post than full-fledged 10min read blog post) that explains this, it would help! ❤
#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Church #invalidation