Join the Conversation on
340 people
0 stories
30 posts
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in

    Dealing with my father who is lying to and about me

    My father and I shared a close relationship for 48 years until my mother died. I'm an only child. I had a difficult relationship with my mother due to her aggressive personality and insistence that she was always right. She died years ago and while she was dying and immediately afterwards - unbeknownst to me he established a relationship with a woman who became my mother's best friend while she was dying from pancreatic cancer. He didn't tell me about this new relationship until they had already become committed to each other. My father always had narcissistic tendencies, and his new woman (whom he married a year to the day after my mother's funeral) indulges him in these tendencies to the point where he became insufferable. I haven't seen him in seven years or spoken to him in six. It is on my heart to do something about this, but because I intrinsically knew he was lying in the beginning I couldn't accept this new relationship. Since then I have found out that he has repeatedly lied and defamed my and my wife's character to many people, while trying to contact me maintaining that he doesn't know what he's done wrong.

    Is there any point to trying to re-establish contact with my father at this point?

    #narcissism #manipulation #Lying

    2 reactions 2 comments
    See full photo

    Manipulative People

    "Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don't question themselves. They don't ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else." #manipulation #BPD #MentalIllness #MentalHealth

    16 reactions 3 comments
    See full photo

    Chronic Pain vs Narcisistic Abuse via Health

    I thought I’d share my experience as to why I waited so long to get answers for my chronic pain that ended up being #AnkylosingSpondylitis

    My grandmother (my mom’s mother) is a narcissist, abuser, and just so happens to be chronically ill on top of that. Long story short, for my mom’s entire life my grandmother has used her various illnesses as a means to control those around her and guilt them into submission. It warped my mom’s perspective on those with chronic pain or illness, so for many years she would be easily triggered by any mention of pain that you couldn’t see with the naked eye. Basically, if you weren’t bleeding or something like that, it was surely a manipulation tactic and not an actual problem.

    Fast forward to when I was ten. I started having horrid back pain. I tell mom, she says it’s growing pains. I keep telling her it still hurts. She gets triggered, I get shut down. This goes on for many years, into adulthood. I hesitated to tell her for so long that getting up in the mornings was excruciating, that I would randomly get so tired that I couldn’t function, and that everyday was a random draw of the cards - will I be on too much pain to even stand, or will I have enough energy to run three miles during gym?

    Two years ago, my mother and I finally stepped away from the family, specifically my grandmother. And we’ve been having very intense honest talks - a lot being about how I couldn’t tell her about my pain, and her realizing how much I’ve been struggling since I was 10 (my older brother with nonverbal #Autism being diagnosed with AS also contributed to the conversation really opening up).

    Ever since we’ve stepped away, I’ve felt more accepting of the fact that something is wrong and that it’s not all “in my head.” I recently got a diagnosis after all these years of not knowing, and started physical therapy and will be seeing a rheumatologist for the first time later this month. I have to catch myself from crying every time a doctor says things like “YOUR ankylosing…” or “YOUR chronic pain.” It’s so nice to be heard 😭❤️

    I do have to mention that I’m pretty lucky to have a mom that is willing to work on these things and to apologize for not handling it well. We are working together to make sure the generational trauma and cycle of abuse ends with us. But we still trip up on occasion. Now that I have gotten some acknowledgement of my pain, I’m having a hard time not making it my entire personality 😂 I’m finding the balance with time. And she sometimes will get triggered and might knee-jerk into old habits, but she’s working on that as well.

    Thanks for reading my rambling 🙈

    #Diagnosis #ChronicIlless #ChronicPain #Narcisist #generationaltrauma #Abuse #manipulation


    We all have a voice and rights to be heard

    #BipolarDisorder I'm sick to the back teeth of people in general not actually listening to what I am saying. When I say no I mean no #Family #manipulation #Gaslighting Us with bipolar are not stupid or naive we are anything but 🙏

    See full photo

    Domestic Abuse Cycle #DomesticAbuse #NarcisisticAbuse #CoersiveControl #AmbientAbuse #manipulation

    Yesterday I had time to recover from a very intense Narcissistic Rage episode from my partner, which occurred around 2:30am. I didn’t answer his phone call that night and he took it as a sign of disrespect and then verbally attacked me for hours. I’m proud of myself for not engaging with him. Prior to my recent growth, I had spent two years reacting to his abuse with my own outrage and making myself look silly in the process. It took 2 years to learn that I cannot fight this person back and nor should I have to. So I laid in bed and focused on taking deep belly breaths and extending my exhales so that my CNS could calm itself but often my body tenses up because I didn’t know of he was going to become violent. He didn’t but his anger got progressively worse as he talked himself in circles and made himself more angry with the lack of response. (It’s bizarre to watch someone talk to themselves and then work themselves up into a fit of rage) I have begun to see the humor in the ridiculousness of it all, he’s this angry over a phone call but doesn’t want to acknowledge that he brought it on himself by being abusive. When I hold him accountable for his ways, he turns more abusive. WTH He kept going on with loaded questions
    “why are you talking to someone else Leah?”
    “Why do you hate me leah?”
    “Why don’t you love me leah?” And I just keep responding with
    “I can’t answer a loaded question.
    “I’m not stupid enough to answer that right now because I’m not safe.”

    He uses my response to questions like that to react with more rage and I just wont give him anymore ammo. I just laid there and tried to block him out and sometimes I would interject when the time eas right but my higher self kept saying
    “be quiet”
    “it’s not worth it”
    “Leave it alone”
    It’s really not worth it. To watch him try to torture me because he’s upset over a phone call. He doesn’t just yell at me though, he likes to put on a show for the neighbors too. He made sure to keep yelling by the windows and the doors that I was cheating on him and that I was sleeping with someone else. So that just in case anyone hears him yelling, at least they know it’s because his girlfriend is a cheater. Yes he is this manipulative . I can’t make this up. It’s wild to watch play out. You can’t defend yourself against crazy it doesn’t work in your favor. I finally got him to calm down by just acknowledging that I wasn’t going to fight him and he looked silly trying. I was so tired. This is who he has been for 3 plus years. It’s not new. It’s not shocking anymore, It’s just old. I see that he’s not going to change and I don’t want this to be my future. I don’t have kids with him so I’m blessed. I can get out and I’m currently working on making that shift safely. What happens when you don’t love your abuser anymore? When they finally push you too far? “When you accept who they keep choosing to be?” “When you finally see that you deserve to be treated with respect?


    Do people in your life add to your depression and anxiety?

    Do you have people who are close to you that add to your depression or anxiety? If so, what do you do? And does anyone use your illness or insecurities to manipulate you or a situation?
    #Depression #Anxiety #manipulation



    I know He gave me life and I know I should feel blessed for still being here today; it’s that fact that my emotions, situations, and the people in my life are making me lose it. My memory is going bad for some reason and now I’m pissing off my boyfriend who has a little bit of a temperament; he gets angry with me because I can’t remember saying something or that I cant recall what I found on the internet or anything really. I just came home from work and cried because my pulled or strained Lattisimus Dorsi area that happened three weeks ago, I feel like I can’t work a well paying job and I feel like I can’t even keep a relationship from going toxic. My family is manipulative towards me meanwhile my sisters both have great jobs as teachers and get rewarded for that. My life is crumbling and I don’t know if I can take this anymore. Everything is making me frustrated and I feel like the worst case scenario alway happens. I feel like I’m about to lose my job and boyfriend all because of my depression and anxiety (mostly because I feel like I’m not doing things fast enough or not doing things the way my boss wants me to do them); the past three jobs I’ve had I got injured from: hip strain, tendon release & rerelease & then another rerelease in my left wrist, now it’s my entire left side that can’t really be mobile. There’s too much to list on here. Yeah, most of y’all are probably thinking just go see a therapist: I would if I wasn’t drowning in debt from my doctors visits in the past three years or so. I feel like I’m failing at being me. #PainManagement #Godhelpme #Depression #anger #ADHD #Anxiety #Crying #Disabilities #Temptation #LivingWithYourself #manipulation

    See full photo

    Sending Extra Care for Those with Difficult Relationships with Parents.

    Many people with complicated parent relationships/situations struggle, feeling obligated, judged and pressured to get cards for parents during celebratory occasions.

    I feel that society attempts to make adult children/children and survivors of abuse
    feel like we have to forgive and give folx that harmed us another chance which is FALSE.

    NOT forgiving someone, DOES NOT impede individuals from healing. Healing is the process towards working on the PTSD, anxiety, depression and anger etc.

    You are ALLOWED to have boundaries and exclude individuals out of your life that harmed you, gaslights you, attempts to manipulate you or take advantage of you. Regardless of if the person[s] is a family member.

    I do have a suggestion regarding cards,
    if warm, mushy manufactured cards are
    NOT the relationship/situation with your parent[s]. Purchase blank cards. I have several packs of blank cards with designs I like that can be used for neutral occasions.

    I wrote a poem in the inside of blank cards for my mama and stepdad. My biological father, I’m not in a place to give him a card, call or text him for Father’s Day. #Survivors #Abuse #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #Parents #manipulation #dysfunctional #Healing #boundaries #FathersDay #MothersDay #CelebratoryOccasions

    1 comment

    These "Lonley" Men Sending DMs...

    Since I've been on The Mighty, I've had several requests for DMs. The conversations never went anywhere, and I didn't think anything about it. Then I was on here and read an article about emotionally predatory men (yes I'm sure there are women too) who come on here, scan for who seems #Vulnerable , then proceed to try to talk to these vulnerable people in an effort to #manipulate said people for their own nefarious reasons. I was floored. I thought about it, and I have NEVER had one single woman send me a DM. It's always been men. Then it occurred to me that when I said "Hey what's up?" Virtually all of them said "I'm just looking to chat with someone because I'm #lonley ." Yet when I tried to talk about mental or physical health or anything appropriate for The Mighty, they had nothing to say. When I looked at these men's profiles, virtually all of them had made zero comments, no real bio, were not in any groups, but we're following like 30 Mighty members, who allllll happen to be female.
    I feel really angry with myself for not catching this sooner, but I'm working through that anger. So now, when I get random DMs from some guy, I always say "Hi, what were you needing to talk about?" Not ONE of them has even replied. At all.
    Just remember to be careful. Emotional predators are real, and they are everywhere, including The Mighty.
    #EmotionalPredator #unsafe #manipulation #EmotionalHealth

    See full photo

    This is an important lesson for all women (and people) of all ages:

    If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or pressured into doing something for *their* comfort and happiness... Get away from them as fast as you can.

    I learned this lesson the hard way - I was groomed and molested throughout my childhood for well over a decade by a close family member - I learned how abusers (and their enablers) use our emotions and empathy against us to get their way. So if my nightmare experience throughout childhood can help save at least one person from being abused by a so called family member or friend... Good.

    Also, never be afraid to speak out and tell the truth, especially when they try to silence you. The shame doesn't belong to you, the shame belongs to the abuser, and to those complicit enablers who help protect the abuser by keeping you quiet.

    Those people I should've felt safe with guilt tripped and manipulated me with religious "forgive and forget" tactics. They used my faith and loyalty against me to insure my abusers future. Now, I know better than to have trusted them, because there is no way I would do that to a victim of abuse. Especially if they were my child. Why should I be considerate and keep their flimsy reputations intact when my abuser didn't exactly have any consideration enough to stop traumatizing me all of those years ago when I said, "No!" Only the abuser and their enablers benefit from your silence - so be loud.

    Trauma should never be ignored, it has to be addressed and worked through or the scars will never heal. I still have PTSD from my traumatic childhood experiences, and because I didn't have the support of family that I should've had then, it's been a difficult journey towards healing. But I am no longer afraid to speak out. I didn't ask to be abused, but I did ask for help from my family... They chose to protect the abuser. And so, after years of feeling numb, worthless and broken, I eventually chose to protect myself by setting boundaries and cutting ties with those who were complicit. That was my choice, and I don't have any regrets.

    If you've been abused and assaulted, you have every right to hold the perpetrators accountable for their transgressions against you - or not. Abusers choose to be abusive, so never question bringing their shame to light. And don't ever feel obligated to stay in touch with an abuser, or their complicit enablers simply because they are family members, or so called friends. Your health, happiness and safety is more important than being nice to them. And you are worth protecting with personal boundaries. Prioritize your safety over being 'nice'. Always.

    #metoo #abusesurvivor #gaslight #manipulation #EmotionalAbuse #post Childhood Abuse #PTSD #CPTSD #adolescent sexual molestation trauma #religious Trauma #childhoodtraumasurvivor