boundaries

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    My Toxic Mother

    Adapted from:

    The Mental Health Impact of Cutting a Toxic Parent Out of Your Life

    Monika Sudakov _______________________________________

    My Toxic Mother

    Going no-contact with someone is a really difficult and painful decision. Going no contact with a parent comes with even more grief and challenges.

    Society has a built in stigma against children who cut parents out of their lives.

    A toxic relationship is defined as one that is in any way hurtful or that negatively impacts your life. Often the toxic individual doesn’t realize they are toxic, and they may in fact suffer from mental illness.

    If they still are unwilling or unable to change their own behavior, the only choice one has is to remove that person from their life.

    Codependency and favoritism have made it very difficult to make that cut. I was a momma’s boy and often referred to as “the prince.” We are getting a hot meal the prince is here.” Plus, all my outbursts and hospitalizations caused my brothers to distant themselves instead of ask questions to understand my illness. Still 30 years later, it is still hard to built a solid relationship with them.

    In my case after repeated attempts at establishing boundaries have failed because even after being informed of the ways in which she may trigger me, she still does. She hits me with zingers.

    Zingers: Remarks, comments, and discussion topics that I have told her numerous times to avoid. eg Covid, politics, NEWS, her health drama

    In my own struggle to keep my distance from my toxic mother, I have been met with much angst. Mostly from my brothers. It has been hard enough to try to grieve the lack of a healthy mother-son relationship, but it has been even harder to be met with not just hesitation, but downright anger, unacceptance, and not understanding by my family This is my choice to protect my emotional health and well-being.

    What I want you to know is that nobody has the right to dictate what is right for your mental health. You know how you feel. You know the truth. Nobody else can feel that for you.

    Nobody. I repeat, nobody has the right to tell you why someone shouldn’t be toxic to you. Only you can determine what is right for you, mentally, emotionally and physically.

    #MentalHealth #Men #boundaries #selfcare

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    Reflections on social media

    Social media can be addicting... I want to be active and take part in it, but I don't want to lose myself to the temptations that feel built specifically for my ADHD. Is there a program that restricts social media? (I.e. only let's a person post twice a day or only lets you spend 30 minutes on it a day before it locks you out based on your settings.)

    If not, then there should be. Time management is a huge issue that a lot of people struggle with, especially if you have ADHD or other mental health disorders.

    I know there are apps and programs that allow you to block sites entirely, but I get lazy and tempted, especially when I'm depressed. I know I can unblock it at whim and I won't always feel like going through the hassle of turning it on and off. Maybe one of them has a timer built into it that can you can schedule for every day or week or month (interval options are important). I need to do more research, but maybe one of you good people knows and uses something they like and could save me some time?

    #social #SocialMedia #MightyTogether #Addiction #boundaries

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    Isolation / Avoidant Attachment / Boundaries ?

    The image says: "My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." -- Jessica Katoff

    My therapist offhandedly said something about avoidant attachment style a few weeks ago and it totally changed how I think of myself and made me realize how I am really experiencing the world.
    I was always the good kid who did the right thing and helped others. I wasn't wildly popular, but just a solid *nice* person. Up until very recently, I would have told you I was a "people pleaser", and really needed the approval and love of others.
    It turns out I have some serious anger raging inside of me that I never knew was there - and it is anger toward all those people I was nice to, all those people I helped, all those people I smiled at and befriended. All the people I listened to. All the people I never said "no" to. All the people who never *saw* me.
    My last boyfriend told me all the time how he had never felt so well understood by anyone in his entire life until he met me. How could I tell him that I didn't feel at all the same about him?
    I don't know how to stop this angry part of me from putting up a barrier to protect myself after decades of no one even bothering to notice that I might have reason to be angry and that I was in fact angry. I don't know how to switch my thinking from "boundaries" to "giant flaming wall" because I'm angry that I spent all my time and energy understanding other people so well and they never did the same for me.
    I don't even know if this post makes sense, but it is such a wild mind shift for me that I am struggling to know how to think or process things these days. Thanks for reading and for being there.

    #Isolation #avoidantattachment #boundaries #Relationships #Therapy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #spiritualabuse #EmotionalAbuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #Family #angry

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    Oh boy!!?? #hardmarriage #Fights #boundaries

    Oh boy is right!! Things here are up in the air like they’ve never been before! Ya know what I mean? Lemme ask you all a serious question!? How do you all fight? I don t mean “physically” (but do any of you end up resorting to that (NOT saying that’s right or ok just asking!!) Do certain comments from your spouse cause you to have knee jerk reactions ? What are some of those comments?? How do you resolve these issues? Why on earth does our past s have SO much impact on our present s and our futures? I know!! Lotsa random questions this morning g! Just looking for some answers, some advice, some new angles in learning g to life a different way!thank you all for your support and comments! Have a great day everyone!!

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    So overwhelmed by ‘normal things’ during hell week. #AnyoneElse #PMDD

    When I’m in the week before my period I lose all control at very routine things that I can usually manage fine! It makes me feel ashamed and incapable.

    Last night my landlord asked to carry out some maintenance at the last minute. The thought of someone working in my house while my PMDD symptoms are very bad, just horrified me. The worst feeling was that instead of being able to say ‘I am feeling extremely mentally ill today due to my chronic illness and can’t cope with your request’ I found myself grappling around for excuses, trying to keep him away.
    This led to a very bad PMDD breakdown.

    I think this is one of the worst aspects of dealing with this chronic illness that is little known, often not physically visible, with the added societal taboo of being connected to the menstrual cycle. It’s very hard to talk honestly (especially to people you are not close to) without judgment or a complete lack of understanding.

    How do you explain to people (those not close enough to know all about your condition) when you have to cancel or decline events? Do you have any coping methods or things you say to keep away the things/people you can’t cope with at this time?

    #PMDD #ChronicIllness #boundaries

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    Protecting your own mental health

    Listen to the interview here ---> accordingtodes.com/101

    #boundaries #MentalHealth #MentalIllness #EmotionalAbuse #Abuse #parentwithmentalillness #mentalhealthpodcast

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    Boundaries! I need some help with this topic!

    Hi my Mighty Firends, I need some help from you. I was wondering if anyone knew of any good books to read about boundaries? I get a little confused on what they are exactly in the realm of mental health. I want to learn what they are, how to create them, enforce them, maintain them and not chicken out when someone crosses them or questions me about my boundaries.

    I really appreciate any help on this matter, so thank you in advance! 💜

    #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #boundaries #TreatmentresistantDepression

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    How to set healthy boundaries

    I confess. I have been historically terrible at setting and maintaining boundaries. I grew up with a parent who had no concept of boundaries and that enmeshment made me feel as though I wasn't entitled to any kind of autonomy. This blur of where they ended and I began set me up for a life where asserting my needs, wants and what I will and will not tolerate felt selfish. Learning to establish boundaries and to not let others walk all over them has been a ginormous work in progress. I still often battle with guilt for putting myself first. It feels selfish, when in reality not only is it the ultimate form of self care, it's being kind to all parties involved.

    Read more about boundaries here: If You Struggle With Setting Healthy Boundaries, This Guide Is for You

    Do you have difficulty setting and upholding boundaries? What does that look like for you? Do you have any tips for how to be a boundary ninja?

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #boundaries #selfcare

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    There are always a few

    I shouldn't let it get to me, but it is. To the people who judged me for the way my last post was worded: WOW It wasn't even CLOSE to the whole story, it was the last straw. There's a lot more I've put up with from him in my 34 years than a few social media posts, NONE of which is your business. I've contemplated the decision for DECADES. He can absolutely contact me if he wants. He doesn't. he reached out recently apologizing and saying he could do better, and a few months later, here we are with his wife now attempting to insert herself. True colors have shown, boundaries are drawn and they may change in the future, but for now this is what I need. And you had no right to judge. #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #boundaries