boundaries

I saw this question in my Wife’s office this week and I instantly thought how profound and powerful it was.

“Why am I saying yes to this?”

How many times and situations would thought have been helpful. I hate saying no to people because I don’t want to disappoint them. Yet, often by saying yes I am disappointing myself.

I intend to start asking myself this question, often.

Pause for a moment and think about all the things that are being asked of you. When we give all of our selves to so many other people and things, we are often left with no energy, time and love for ourselves. Protecting your own needs is a critical part of honoring your self worth.

It's not only "okay" to say no to things that do not serve us, it is our obligation to our own self-care and peace to decide how to use our energy, time and resources. Boundaries are self-care in action.

#selfcare inaction #boundaries

Do you have some people in your life that are a bit “too much” to be around? They maybe a friend who demands a lot of attention. It could be a co-worker who has one drama after another. We used to say “that person has so many issues, they need a magazine rack.” LOL! Maybe your family member is jealous of your new apartment, your new smart phone, your new boyfriend, your new fill-in-the-blank.

I have someone in my life who is “too much”. During the first 5 or 10 minutes of the phone conversation, I feel as if I have been hit by a Mack truck. This person just talks about one thing after another, so fast and furious that I do not even know if she is taking breaths. I have even told her to breathe just to give my ears a chance to rest.

Boundaries

Boundaries are important in relationships. They define where you end and the other person begins. Sometimes people cross those boundaries. When that happens, sometimes it opens us up to triggers that could send our mental illness into a downward spiral.

I have heard the term “energy vampires” for people who suck the very life out of you which initiates poor mental health triggers. The examples of people above are energy vampires. They are the types of people who make you feel like you need a recovery nap after being with them.

Setting up appropriate boundaries with these people will keep you from experiencing triggers and keep your mental illness from spiraling out of control. The boundaries I have erected around myself to protect my fragile mental health from being sabotaged from the person I mentioned, keeps me sane.

What types of boundaries do you have in your life to protect your mental illness or mental health from energy vampires?

Call to Action

1. Assertive Communication. Reminding the energy vampire that you are part of the conversation too by reiterating something you said earlier and saying you didn’t want it to be missed.

2. Asking for Space. It is okay to ask for space if you are doing life together like at the office. You can politely say their huge personality is a bit much to handle at the moment and you need a break.

3. Say No. It is okay to say no. Let me say that again, it is okay to say no. You are not a door mat for someone to walk over or to take advantage of.

Your Stories

#If you have any ways you handle these energy vampires, please email me at lifeconquering@gmail.com or simply put your ideas in the comments.

References

www.boundariesbooks.com

“What Is an ‘Energy Vampire’ and How to Protect Yourself”

#boundaries #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness

Adapted from:

The Mental Health Impact of Cutting a Toxic Parent Out of Your Life

Monika Sudakov _______________________________________

My Toxic Mother

Going no-contact with someone is a really difficult and painful decision. Going no contact with a parent comes with even more grief and challenges.

Society has a built in stigma against children who cut parents out of their lives.

A toxic relationship is defined as one that is in any way hurtful or that negatively impacts your life. Often the toxic individual doesn’t realize they are toxic, and they may in fact suffer from mental illness.

If they still are unwilling or unable to change their own behavior, the only choice one has is to remove that person from their life.

Codependency and favoritism have made it very difficult to make that cut. I was a momma’s boy and often referred to as “the prince.” We are getting a hot meal the prince is here.” Plus, all my outbursts and hospitalizations caused my brothers to distant themselves instead of ask questions to understand my illness. Still 30 years later, it is still hard to built a solid relationship with them.

In my case after repeated attempts at establishing boundaries have failed because even after being informed of the ways in which she may trigger me, she still does. She hits me with zingers.

Zingers: Remarks, comments, and discussion topics that I have told her numerous times to avoid. eg Covid, politics, NEWS, her health drama

In my own struggle to keep my distance from my toxic mother, I have been met with much angst. Mostly from my brothers. It has been hard enough to try to grieve the lack of a healthy mother-son relationship, but it has been even harder to be met with not just hesitation, but downright anger, unacceptance, and not understanding by my family This is my choice to protect my emotional health and well-being.

What I want you to know is that nobody has the right to dictate what is right for your mental health. You know how you feel. You know the truth. Nobody else can feel that for you.

Nobody. I repeat, nobody has the right to tell you why someone shouldn’t be toxic to you. Only you can determine what is right for you, mentally, emotionally and physically.

#MentalHealth #Men #boundaries #selfcare

The image says: "My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." -- Jessica Katoff

My therapist offhandedly said something about avoidant attachment style a few weeks ago and it totally changed how I think of myself and made me realize how I am really experiencing the world.
I was always the good kid who did the right thing and helped others. I wasn't wildly popular, but just a solid *nice* person. Up until very recently, I would have told you I was a "people pleaser", and really needed the approval and love of others.
It turns out I have some serious anger raging inside of me that I never knew was there - and it is anger toward all those people I was nice to, all those people I helped, all those people I smiled at and befriended. All the people I listened to. All the people I never said "no" to. All the people who never *saw* me.
My last boyfriend told me all the time how he had never felt so well understood by anyone in his entire life until he met me. How could I tell him that I didn't feel at all the same about him?
I don't know how to stop this angry part of me from putting up a barrier to protect myself after decades of no one even bothering to notice that I might have reason to be angry and that I was in fact angry. I don't know how to switch my thinking from "boundaries" to "giant flaming wall" because I'm angry that I spent all my time and energy understanding other people so well and they never did the same for me.
I don't even know if this post makes sense, but it is such a wild mind shift for me that I am struggling to know how to think or process things these days. Thanks for reading and for being there.

#Isolation #avoidantattachment #boundaries #Relationships #Therapy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #spiritualabuse #EmotionalAbuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #Family #angry