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Started seeing a therapist trying to figure out what's wrong with me and I'm starting to feel crazier then I was. Why does the path to healing have to be so hard, I just want to feel better. Hoping this is a place I can find some clarity. 💔


If I don't TRY, I won't DO

Psychotherapist was here outside. She is a very compassionate woman, with her own challenges and pains, I feel them. During the session I remember feeling very confused and overwhelmed, distracted. Outside of myself. Bright lights. Other voices in the forest.
Two things are still with me that she said. The wording isn't exact, but basically the idea that I'm not trying and to stop saying try or but. She said that I'm DOING.
She said I need to reprogram.
I have been reprogramming all my life navigate challenges that come up. I am not new to this.
I feel sad to dismiss trying.
If I don't TRY, I won't DO.
I am aware, open to energies, affirmations, optimism AND I am a realist.
Deception is not a tactic I've used to reprogram. I have healed through many challenges. There is a reason this one is bigger. It will come.
Optimistic affirmation/ positive thinking vs. dismissive reprogramming.
I teach my children that trying or acknowledging trying is good. Knowing that I can try helps me stay here. Alive. Trying is GOOD.
Trying. Each day to push myself, challenge myself, heal. The more I try what I could not do yesterday and succeed, the more empowered I feel. Each day I try a bit more. Many times, I have to stop. Physical or mental distress, both. I try again.
Task not completed, but started. I did something, because I TRIED.
I know ME. This works for me.
I think at one point she held a pen up told me to try and take it. I could be wrong. I question what is real but I felt annoyed. I thought that was unkind. If I wanted the pen and she wanted her example (DOING) to work, she would hold it lightly or let me take it. I would just take it, in a good moment, with coordination and strength.
In a moment of less coordination and strength, her example would fail intention.
In good moments I DO. In challenging moments, I TRY. Sometimes = DO.
I won't dismiss triumphs that come from trying.
The other thing I remember is feeling reprimanded for seeing spirit. Swiftly reprimanded.
Something to the effect of it being rude without permission.
I felt insulted, confused, without words coming together then to explain the chaos in my own head trying to understand this and the emotion said in.
I try many things in my healing day to day.
Seeing auras, spirit, feeling presences, hearing, smelling and sensing spirit is not something I TRY. Catches me off guard.
I have resisted it all my life. Evenso it has happened more, got stronger, after each accident.
A per on I knew once quoted often "what you resist persists". Maybe that's why.
I've did not realize I could stop these encounters. Funny because when spirit has upset my daughter I've told her she can tell them to go away.
I hadn't given myself that out. I have since she was born thought my daughter to be powerful. More than me. More than me. That changes today. "I am strong." #TraumaticBrainInjury #spirit #TryTryTryAgain #BrainInjury #empath #feelingcrazy #do #Empowerment #CarAccident

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Getting out of the house ... #Depression #Anxiety

It’s been 7 days since I did go out with someone else then family. And actually getting out of the car. No one noticed yet that I’m avoiding being away from home for more then an hour. I don’t have a job yet cause I’m doing my driving license so for class I have to be out 1h a day during the week. It’s been since Thursday that I didn’t put real cloths on, make up or stuff. Bathing is actually were I relax the most so at least I’m clean. I’m anxious at home afraid someone will try to get into my house and anxious to be out cause I don’t fucking know.
It’s unbearable. I’m turning crazy being alone with my pets. I want a life but I’m unable to go out without getting so anxious that I hurt my self to hold on, to take my mind away from worrying. #anxious #stuck #feelingcrazy


Questioning myself and my life

I have been struggling with seizures, headaches, dissociation, chronic fatigue for awhile now(3 years).... After being spoon fed I was faking my seizures, and that I am causing myself to feel this way. I went to therapy, got on medication for anxiety and depression because the culprit was thought to be severe anxiety.... to my surprise it wasn't when the seizure activity began flaring up again.... we began looking into actual medical practices to help me.... but these issues have me working barely 2 days a week (I can't handle more), dropping out of school, and constantly lying in bed with 0 energy.... I wish we could figure this out I feel so lost and I feel 900 times worse when I hear "your tests came back and they're normal...." to some that's great but to me.... it's another reason to feel crazy..... I have had to think why would I do this to myself? I have finally realized. I am not. This is not what or how I want my life to be. That there may be something wrong with me... and they haven't found it? If anyone out there has felt this struggle please let me know because lately I have felt so alone and there is nothing I can do but cry.... Thank you for reading and have a great day #lost #confused #needhelp #alone #feelingcrazy