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Growing Up With a Thalamic Brain Injury: Addiction, Recovery, and Finding Competency.

When I was seven years old, my life changed forever. At an age when most children are focused on school, friendships, and discovering who they are, I experienced a thalamic brain injury. At the time, I did not fully understand what had happened to me. Neither did many of the people around me. What followed was a lifetime of challenges that often seemed invisible to others but affected nearly every part of my life.
The thalamus is a small but important part of the brain that helps process information, regulate attention, and connect different areas of the brain. Because of my injury, I struggled with things that many people take for granted. Social situations could be confusing. Judgment and decision-making were often difficult. Stress affected me more intensely than it seemed to affect others. I frequently felt different without understanding why.
As I grew older, these challenges followed me into adolescence and adulthood. I often experienced frustration, isolation, and low self-esteem. I knew I was trying hard, but my efforts did not always produce the results I expected. Sometimes people misunderstood my behavior or assumed I was lazy, careless, or unmotivated. The reality was that I was navigating life with a brain injury that many people could not see.
Like many people living with neurological injuries and emotional pain, I eventually turned to drugs and alcohol. At first, substances seemed to provide relief. They helped me escape feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and frustration. For a while, they made it easier to ignore the challenges I faced every day. But over time, addiction created even greater problems. What began as a way to cope became another obstacle standing between me and the life I wanted.
Addiction affected my relationships, my decision-making, and my ability to move forward. It deepened many of the struggles I was already experiencing because of my brain injury. Yet even during my darkest moments, there was a part of me that wanted something better.
Recovery was not a single event. It was a process. It required honesty, accountability, support, and perseverance. I had to learn healthier ways to manage stress, emotions, and daily challenges. I had to accept that my brain injury was part of my story without allowing it to define my future.
One of the most significant parts of my journey has been understanding competency. For many years, people focused on my limitations. Competency is often viewed as a fixed trait, something a person either has or does not have. My experience taught me something different. Competency can be developed, strengthened, and restored through support, education, rehabilitation, and personal growth.
Today, I understand myself far better than I did as a child. I recognize how my brain injury affects me, and I have learned strategies to work through those challenges. Recovery from addiction has shown me that change is possible even when the odds seem overwhelming. My journey has taught me resilience, self-awareness, and determination.
I share my story because there are many people living with brain injuries, addiction, and questions about their abilities. Too often, they are judged by their struggles rather than their potential. I want others to know that a diagnosis, a mistake, or a difficult chapter does not determine the rest of their lives.
Growing up with a thalamic brain injury was not easy. Addiction made the road even harder. But recovery has shown me that growth is possible, competency can improve, and meaningful change can happen. My story is not simply about injury or addiction. It is about resilience, perseverance, and the belief that people can continue to learn, grow, and contribute no matter where they begin. #BrainInjury #AddictionRecovery #MentalHealth #Neurodiversity

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is Helin. I'm curious about why frontal lobe brain injury makes life so challenging and leads to hours of sleeping

#MightyTogether

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is MrWmDavis4. I'm here because I want to share my essay on being diagnosed with 2 subdural hematomas, which were the result of a car accident.

#MightyTogether #BrainInjury

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is rmfast aka Rosalyn. I'm here as a spousal TBI Caregiver. My husband had a cycling accident a couple of years after we were married. Twenty eight years later we continue to deal withe long lasting effects of brain injury and concussion.

#MightyTogether

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Men’s Mental Health: Start a Conversation #MentalHealth #MensHealth #Depression

It’s said that men’s mental health can be a silent killer. 75% of suicides in Canada are by men. The subject seldom comes up in conversation. Media outlets make it a topic during Men’s Mental Health Month, held in June, I had to look it up.

It seems to me the best way to tackle a problem is to jump right in and start a conversation. 2017 after my accident I experienced a deep depression that was acerbated by the struggles with insurance companies. I found myself having thoughts of suicide but not just of hurting myself I wanted to bring attention to what I saw as an injustice by the insurance companies. I saw my life insurance policy as the last option to support my family.

I did see a psychologist. Our talks did help. At that time I didn’t open up as much as I should have. Feeling defeated and worried that if exposed too much I would be hospitalized. I didn’t reveal that the thoughts I had were actually plans.

There is our problem, the inability to open up. Pride, shame, likely it goes back to our inability to ask for directions. If we were able to ask for direction, maybe we could find a way to receiving the help we needed.

A psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of persistent depressive disorder with anxious distress. I was prescribed antidepressants to help even out my day.

Eventually, after two years I stopped having those thoughts. My anger with the insurance companies did not go away. It was no longer the front of my mind. There were times and there still are, mostly when I am alone, that I will fixate on them and the pain and anger comes to the surface again.

For a couple years everything was going well. I found an outlet for my anger and frustration through writing. I published my first book and had completed my second due out soon.

Out of nowhere the thoughts came back. What was the trigger, I could not say. The only thing that had changed was that there had been an increase in my headaches. More frequently and more severe. I was given a new medication to help with the headaches. The new thoughts started after I started the medication. The medication has no expected side effects of suicidal ideation. Taking a break from the medication has not stopped my thoughts from coming. They are now less violent but still there.

The biggest concern I have is that when I had thoughts of suicide in the past I wanted to expose the injustice by the insurance companies and to provide a financial support for my family. The thoughts this time have none of that attached to them. The only concern is to complete the task and how best to insure that it happens.

The first thought came to me while sitting on the deck with my dog. The sun was warm on my face and this violent thought comes over me. The thought became consuming. There was a deep sadness that came over me.

That afternoon I talked to my wife and let her know I was having thoughts. She talked to our grown children and they put a plan together. I was not going to be left alone. We played games, I sat through study sessions and we shared conversations.

A antidepressant was added, temporarily until a referral to the psychologist goes through.

I also contacted a local community health clinic for a counselling program. After my initial consultation a counselling plan was made.

Talking and being open about my mental health has come easier as time has gone on. Over the past few years I’ve been able to join in with a group of people that have survived brain injuries. They are very open about their own experiences. I had never given it much thought but they have had a positive impact on my acceptance of my new life.

Start a conversation, ask for directions.
Do you have a minute to talk, I think I need some help? There is no shame in asking for directions.

When is the best time to start a conversation? When your person says hi. When you connect on the phone, sitting down to eat, out for coffee.

Start the conversation. It is better to know that you needed help and asked than to hear you kept to yourself and you will be missed.

This time I have to focus harder on the important things in my life, the most important things that keeps me from completely a plan in the darkness. My family, their future, my future, being there tomorrow for them.

Having all of these plans in place has not stopped the thoughts from creeping in. The plans will give me tools to work through these days. Maybe I could have found my way out of the darkness again on my own. It is easier to walk the path when you are not alone. #SelfharmRecovery #BrainInjury #Recovery

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The Maze of Mirrors of

Chronic illness isn’t just what happens inside your body. It’s what happens around it too. It’s the maze of mirrors the world builds around you. You try to walk forward, but in every direction, there’s a disordered reflection of yourself. Not the kind you laugh at in a mall funhouse, but a warped, dizzying trap where every door leads to another hallway, another dead end, another gatekeeper pointing you the wrong way.

And the mirrors don’t just make you look shorter or taller — they show you as lazy, dramatic, hopeless, beyond fixing, too sick, not sick enough. And sometimes, even when you know your own truth, those mirrors convince you they’re real.

You spend months. Years. Decades. Wandering the maze. Bumping into glass. Begging someone to break it. You bump into the medical industry that silences you in polite language:

“We didn’t find anything.”

“Let’s wait and see.”

“It’s probably anxiety.”

You bump into caregivers who mean well — but trap you in their fear. Into insurance companies that tell you your survival isn’t cost-effective. Into doctors who send you down another hallway because they don’t know what else to do. You even bump into yourself — the part that whispers, Maybe it really is all your fault.

The system is built to look like it’s working, but inside it’s rotting. And people outside the maze can’t see that while they imagine you’re being “cared for,” you’re actually crawling, crying, begging anyone to stop the damage. You are surviving — barely — in a system that wasn’t designed to save you.

I’ve been bumping into mirrors for seven years. I survived neglect that so many others didn’t — not because the system saved me, but because God did. He kept me here for a reason. Maybe I don’t fully know what that reason is yet, but I do know I have a story to tell.

So I write. Even when my screen intolerance threatens to steal my voice.

I write for that people who didn’t make it.

I write for everyone still crawling through this maze, wondering if anyone sees them.

And if you’ve never stepped inside this maze yourself, maybe you’ve walked right by it, oblivious, — do you see me now?

👉 I even turned this piece into a spoken word poem. Here’s the video:

youtube.com/shorts/PpQ5dn1xCqE

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #POTS #Dysautonomia #BrainInjury #MedicalTrauma #chroniclife #InvisibleIllness #chronicillnesscommunity #chronicwarrior #chronicillnessawareness #chronicpainawareness #PoetryCommunity #poetryvideo #spokenwordpoetry #chronicillnesspoetry #InvisibleIllness

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I'm new here!

Hello everyone!

My name is Shiloh Cline. I have been misdiagnosed with a neurological condition from a Bio toxic brain injury that nearly took my life. After being dismissed and left with no answers I was left to figure it out on my own. Almost 3 years ago to the day I was a vegetable ion the floor unable to walk talk or remember my kids. I was brushed off after labs came back "normal" when my body and brain were being severely damage and shutting down. After years of fighting for my life for the truth. I now am using my voice to share and spread awareness to these conditions and a broken system that completely failed me and left me for dead.

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