Broken
I'm sorry for posting so much, but untill I found you guys I had so much built up that I was scared to express to others, but y'all are jus so awesome I feel like I can tell y'all anything. It's jus years of build up that is finally jus all coming out. I talked to the girl I told y'all about that I loved so much an still do. She messaged me apologizing for leaving an breaking my heart an failing me in what I needed an deserved. By god idk what made me msg her back an telling her that she didn't fail me. I failed myself for not letting go an lying to myself for so long thinking it was gonna work when it wasn't. It hurts so bad knowing I tried forcing love in the wrong way. So I did feel like I failed her an myself. I feel selfish, After 23 years of leaving my hometown as a child my mom asked me an my sister if she could drive us back to our hometown next weekend to go do a few things we did as kids when we were at our happiest in life. We agreed, I guess wish us luck that maybe it will help me an my sister find ourselves again an what we had always loved to do, see if maybe going back to some of these places we did as kids remind us of what we wanted to be as adults an find ourselves to chase those dream. Even tho me an my sister our in our 30s we agreed that it's not to late to Try. Even tho recently we lost our brother we also do believe this is something he would want us to try an chase atleast! The cutest thing tho, my disabled nephew with a brain injury speech an balance issues, said Uncle an Mom go do it an have fun u guys deserve it an do it for uncle Jorey. I did have to turn around for a moment cause I don't like him seeing me cry cause I want him to know his uncle is strong an strong for him! Even tho I Kno he sees me cry sometimes not to long ago he said Uncle it's ok to cry I don't fully understand but u can do it, still sucks tho when I have my times where I'm not sure if I can. He is a big reason why I'm still alive but sometimes I don't feel strong enough for him an it beats me up bad 😭