Gender Dysphoria

Tw//// slight Transphobia and Homophobia

(Words with **___** around them are words that would have been in caps, I just don't like to use them.)

So, I've been talking about my male guardian lately in my posts that aren't related to my LGBTQ group. This should be my last one, I just want to get this off my chest.

So, this happened a while ago, before I had this app, I was trying to explain to my Male guardian why I wanted to be address as a male. (We've had multiple conversations about this) and I was trying to be open minded the whole time. It didn't seem my male guardian was though.

He kept turning the blame on me saying "well how do you think **I** would feel?". Like um, okay I can think about it, but you're not thinking about how this is making **me** feel. The whole conversation was me trying to get him to understand, and him trying to play victim.

One of the times we had the conversation, He used the "But I had visions. I was going to walk you down to get you married off. I was going to be there when your first child was born." thing.

Sure, I was thinking about how he would feel, but like 1. I was still willing to let him be at my wedding; I don't have to be a girl for him to do that. But when he said get me married off, I completely changed my mind about even wanting him there. It just felt uncomfortable when he said that. and 2. I won't ever have children. I have a phobia of them so that would not make a good life for a kid. And I would never want one to suffer.

I'm not trying to play victim here, I just wish my male guardian would try to understand. He was not very supportive of my past 2 relationships, both with people of the same gender.

So, when he said he'd try to do better, I was very excited. But literally like all he did was allow me to buy a trans pride flag. he didn't buy me one, he just let me press order and then give him the money for it. Like oh. Thanks dad. And I'm not really allowed to have it outside of my room.

And you could say he just needs time. I've been out to him for about 5 years now. I've been patient. I've never forced things on him. I just needed to get this off my chest. I will continue to give him time to try to understand. I won't give up on him yet. I just wish I could have my gender validated more than it is now.

Well, thank you for reading and maybe even commenting.

#MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Transgender #LGBTQ #emotinalnegect #GenderDysphoria #Depression

We did it. Its Friday. I know right now, I don't have any members in my group, but I still want to try to post daily here.

What's one thing this week that brought you joy? It can be something small, or something big. Whatever you want to share. I'll go first.

One thing that brought me joy this week is my dog. She's finally beginning to learn how to play fetch which is amazing. She is a working dog who does so much for my community.

Now it's your turn. But remember, you don't need to answer. These questions are always optional. And remember, you don't just have to be under the trans and non-binary umbrellas to answer. You can be an ally or know someone who is as well.

For those who answer, thank you for reading and answering.

Edit: Thank you to the three people who joined the group today.

#LGBTQ #Transgender #nonbinary #GenderDysphoria #MightyTogether

Slight vent////

////

So, as people who have read past posts of mine know, I have social anxiety. Pretty bad social anxiety at that. I was diagnosed at the age of 4. I've talked about my fear of big crowds and of people with my parents before. While my youngest brother was listening.

Normally, I wouldn't have thought much about it. But an incident at Mcdonalds one day made me regret talking about it when he was around.

We were at Mcdonalds, and this one happened to have a play place. My other brother, the middle child, wanted to play there and at first, my youngest brother did as well. But the second my youngest brother saw how many people were in there, he freaked.

The thing is this has never happened before. My youngest brother is always the first to want to go into the place. Sure, you might think he might have social anxiety as well, but he hasn't done anything like that ever since. He started complaining that 'oh there are too many people in there' though that has never bothered him before, and 'oh I want to go home'.

Kid even started crying. My other brother was so mad when my male guardian, the only one with us as my mom was at work, said he couldn't go in and took us home.

And who got in trouble for my youngest brothers little fit? Me. I did. When we got home my male guardian looked at me and asked me why I had spoken about my fears. Like excuse me? Because you're my father and you should know how I feel? He told me not to talk about it in front of my little brother again because apparently it was my fault that he acted that way because I hadn't known my brother was listening to our conversations.

Thats not the only time something like that has happened. I've also told my parents about my gender dysphoria and how I felt more like a guy, youngest brother was listening, claimed to be a trans girl once (I know he's not now as he keeps talking about how he's a boy and doesn't want to be a girl) and again, guess who got in trouble for simply talking about it. Me. The look my male guardian gave me made me feel bad I told him about my feelings.

I told a past therapist about it but all she did was say 'okay' and seemingly shrugged it off. Thats why I wanted to talk about it here. My male guardian is good about helping with my physical health but is pretty emotionally neglective towards me. But I just needed to get this off my chest as its been really bothering me.

#SocialAnxiety #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #SocialPhobia #neglect #MentalHealth #emotinalneglect #MightyTogether

Slight vent////

As I said above, I don't know how I got so lucky. In what way might you ask? Well, to put it simply, my relationship.

My current relationship it's the longest I've been in. a year next month. And I don't know how they still want to be with me.

I have ADHD, Depression, Anxiety (social), Gender dysphoria, Pedophobia, Abandonment issues (Anxious attachment style), and trust issues which can make relationships hard for me. I get easily attached to people, with that lingering feeling that I'm going to be abandoned. Not very fun.

I've had people (mainly friends) just randomly stop talking to me with no reason. And I mean like, most of my friends ever.

My first relationship was pretty toxic, but I stayed with that person because I felt reliant on them. My next relationship went pretty well until they broke up with me and decided then that everything was wrong with me.

So going into this relationship was slightly scary for me. But I am very, very glad I did. I would not change a single thing about my partner. They love me, for me. We are both aromantic which is nice because I don't feel forced to be romantic. We are both Lgbtq in some way which is also very nice.

We are long distance, very long distance, but they still find time to talk to me. We talk almost 6 hours a day when I'm at school. I know them, they know me, and we respect each other. We understand each other's problems and whenever I need reassurance or validation (which I see myself needing a lot of) I know I can reach out to them.

I feel pretty emotionally neglected by my male guardian, which I hate to admit as he tries so hard to make sure I'm healthy, but is just not very good at helping with my emotional problems and always tries to change the subject or say "Well I know exactly how you feel because ....." and I hate saying this but that doesn't help me at all? Is that okay? Or am I asking for to much?

But I know I can turn to my partner for any emotional validation I need. I've never felt that way with someone.

#Depression #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #SocialPhobia #Pedophobia #ADHD #abandonmentissues #trustissues #neglect #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #GenderDysphoria

My #MentalHealth has been pretty low today. But right now I feel better. My partner made me a big pot of noodles for dinner. I always feel good when she cooks for me. And I made her a bowl of cheesy scrambled eggs. She loves my eggs.

But I'm in a situation... My gender dysphoria is bad right now so I need to wear a hoodie but I'm sweating a lot so I need to take off my hoodie. It's snowing pretty hard but it's hot in here.

I'm sipping on some coffee from earlier today. It's pretty good. She used the Nutcracker Sweet flavor coffee. I mixed it with my pumpkin caramel syrup and some oat milk.

December 21st is the winter solstice. It's a pagan holy day called Yule. It's my winter holiday. I exchange gifts and have a nice feast.

#Depression #GenderDysphoria #coffeeadventures

I have this love hate relationship with my body. I don't have bottom dysphoria cuz I've never wanted dangly bits. I am on norethindrone to stop my period. But I've got a really big chest. I don't have a proper binder. I use sports bras. But I still obviously have boobs. If I could afford top surgery I wouldn't want nipples. I'm weird. Id get a big chest tattoo. Maybe someday.

Well. As the holidays roll around (Thanksgiving and Christman for me) my emotions are all over the place. I am happy for like food on Thanksgiving and gifts on Christmas, but I also dreed those events.

I have to go to my Omas (Grandmas) for both events. And to my misfortune, there are so, so many people. All very religious people. I am not religious at all, well not all the way. My religion is a bit weird to others. So I don't like talking about it. But I hate family gatherings. They talk way to much.

"How have you been doing?" "How's school going?" "Are you still in Spanish?" "Thats a pretty dress." I hate when people, mainly family, ask me stuff like this. My Gender Dysphoria is always at its all-time high on these days. Its hard living in a family that thinks Lgbtq people don't exist. Thats hard a Transfluid, AroAce (More specifically Cupioromatic/Cupiosexual)

I am lucky for my Aunt (Who is supportive and also doesn't like big groups of people) because when things get too overwhelming for me, we can stand out. And I mean my mom is good also, helping me when I need it. But I wrote this not to rant, but to ask for help.

Any advice on how to like try to control my anxiety? Like any recommended coping skills? Any help is appreciated.

Thank you all and have a great day/night.

(Update: Thanksgiving is over and it didn't go well. I got sick a few days later.)