Gender Dysphoria

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Gender Dysphoria
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    It’s hard living as a nonbinary individual… and just trans | TW misgendering, gendered phrases/products, fetishism, lack of recognition/representation

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    This is going to be a long vent.. so I apologize.

    I thought that my preferred clinic had a nonbinary option, but I remembered that it was only on one of their forms. The other form said “m or f” so I just put nonbinary on top of it (which was the only form I was given).

    It just plain sucks. For example, earlier this year, I forced myself to change my gender marker to Male on my ID since I despise being seen as female, but even though I’m transmasc, it’s still not satisfactory. And while being there, I was misgendered as a woman a ton. 😒

    We have to freaking wait for 3 more freaking years for a gender neutral marker in the US, and I’m so sick of waiting for that long already!

    Shopping online sucks, too. Today, I was so mad that computer glasses were gendered. They’re freaking computer glasses!! And I still like some feminine stuff and being androgynous but hate that everything feminine is labeled “for ladies”. And although I know that clothes don’t equal gender, seeing those “women/girls” and “men/women” labels still trigger my dysphoria. And you may say “well, there are markets out there who make clothes gender neutral and aim for inclusiveness for those outside the binary”, but 1) most of them cost too much money that I don’t want to spend and we’re not rich, and 2) they’re not really my style of clothing.

    And I hate when companies (or anything/anyone) say or put options for those out of the gender binary, but then don’t use gender neutral language at all, like “mom/dad” or the worst one, “ladies and gentlemen”… Like we don’t just want to be included in gender options, but in everyday language, too! Especially if someone’s interested in specific topics like bdsm and doesn’t want to be freaking fetishized for being trans like come on 🙄

    I’m not a freaking fetish.

    Anyway, this is the reason why I may appear anti-social and why I have my headphones on whenever I go outside. That and I tried to not made being nonbinary not do obvious, but no. Since from being misgendered a lot no matter what I freaking look like, I’ve had it and now my hat, mask, and patches clearly state that I’m nonbinary and to not call me miss, ma’am, or she. So that those who can read can see it very obviously. My social dysphoria is that bad.

    Having to put up with this almost everyday is so tiring and annoying and just… ugh.

    #nonbinary #genderqueer #GenderDysphoria #LGBTQIA #venting #itsucks #SocialAnxiety #Autism

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    Why does my preferred clinic have to suck right now | TW mentions of needles, dysphoria, some caps, swearing, upset

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    I’m so mad at my preferred clinic for STILL not having the flu shots! Are you freaking kidding me?!

    That means that we most likely have no other choice but go to the company where shit has hit the fan for my dysphoria…… Walgreens. 😢

    Just so that I can get this over with.

    My mom said that she’ll explain to them for not calling me anything feminine and my pronouns and that everything has been updated in their system (as male, not nonbinary though.. stupid U.S. IDs making me choose binary options, and my preferred clinic has a nonbinary option!!!)… it’s a different Walgreens because fuck the other ones.

    But still, going there makes me feel like hell. I’m already crying from the thought of having to go to one again. Walgreens has made my dysphoria horrible while I was there (I was misgendered in front of everyone!!). Not to mention that one of my other triggers will be brought up because of the signs for the vaccine shots (please no one say the name).

    I’m not okay 🥲

    /vneg

    #GenderDysphoria #SocialAnxiety #sad #anger #IsThisTrauma #Upset #Anxiety #FluShot

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    This is torture | TW anger, dysphoria, some all cap text, fleas, empty inside #venting

    Not like anyone cares, why am I writing this??
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    Every time someone who I’m not that familiar with comes here, it’s torture. I have to stay in my room all day or else I try too hard to pass as masculine every freaking time I come out of my room, just so I won’t be called “she” or “miss” or “girl” (it’s a horrible feeling). But now I feel like I’m STILL not passing because I’m already feeling so horrible because of the flea problem that I APPARENTLY SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE IN MY ROOM AND NO ONE ELSE’S and now I lack the energy because I’m so furious. We can’t afford a veterinarian for our cat, either.

    And the whole someone coming over and fixing things is supposed to happen for the next 2 days as well.
    So that’s fun. (/sarc /neg)
    And I already feel empty inside just from today.

    And it’s going to be up to 74 degrees the days after that, which usually I would be excited for, but honestly the whole bug thing has gotten me so sick and tired of these nice days that I just want it to be cold already! (Not like it will kill the fleas anyway, I’m so freaking mad about learning that 😡😡)

    #sad #Autism #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GenderDysphoria #anger #empty #fml

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    Coming to Terms with Who I Am

    I am here to share my story today, in hopes it’ll reach someone else in some aspect or another. My name is Kaden. I am twenty-seven years old. I am transgender and queer. I struggle with mental illness. I am neurodivergent. I am overcoming #Trauma and PTSD.

    This past year has been a journey for me, one that I finally feel ready to share. In January of this year, I attempted suicide for the fourth time in my life. It was an aborted attempt, to which I am grateful that I didn’t not fully complete it. I reached out for help and went to the hospital to receive medical attention and spend a week in the behavioral health unit. I was not new to the psych ward, something I am usually ashamed to admit. Today I do my best to not hold so much shame. It is part of my story.

    Now, my reasons for my suicidal actions in January were not simple, no. I am a complex being, as we all are. I was dealing with #GenderDysphoria and shame around my identity. I was dealing with being neurodivergent (ADHD, Autism, Nonverbal Learning Disability) in a neurotypical world. I was dealing with #BipolarDisorder , #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder , and #Anxiety . And lastly, I was dealing with untreated trauma and PTSD.

    I was not okay. Today is different, however.

    So… what changed?

    I will start by acknowledging my privilege, my access to treatment. I am grateful my family has been able to help me in that area. I found new therapists after the incident; I started talking to a gender therapist and an EMDR/trauma therapist. Both of them helped me to come to terms with who I am… to perhaps even love myself. I think I finally love myself. Not every day of course. It’s not easy; the world is not built for trans people. The world is not designed for Autistics and ADHD-ers.

    That said, I’ve been lucky! My treatment is helping me. A lot. I take medication for my mood disorder, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. I go to therapy twice a week and do EMDR to tackle my traumas. I’ll soon be doing a course of TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) for OCD and PTSD. I have accommodations in graduate school. I have a job suited to my needs and abilities. My family and friends have all been accepting of my coming out as transgender and bisexual. I even have a loving partner too.

    I feel blessed. But I do emphasize, that just because I am doing well on the surface and am supported, that life is still not easy. I still mask a lot; I still have flashbacks and dissociate; I am still struggling with OCD and anxiety; I still have internalized transphobia.

    This is my story for today. I’ve come a long way since I first started writing for the Mighty in 2015. Back then, I outwardly identified as a cis, straight woman (not who I felt I was on the inside however). I also had less diagnoses, however I was less stable and more self-loathing. I struggled more with bipolar mood swings (my medications were not stabilized yet). I didn’t even realize how much trauma I had back then. My self awareness since then has increased ten fold, since I was twenty-years-old.

    I am proud of who I am. I am proud of where I’ve come from.

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    TW Dyshporia, mentions of needle shots, one swear #venting

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    I really wish there’s a way to just take the flu shot at home. Or just any shot at home for that matter.

    Almost everytime I go to get it, I get misgendered. Because of it, I absolutely despise Walgreens because before they didn’t want to change my name or legal gender (even though I’m really nonbinary, have to wait three freaking years to get our mark even though the bill passed in 2018, what’s taking so long?!) in their system. Because of that, and the last time I went for the booster shot and when I was being called to take the shot, I called “Miss” ‘last name’ in front of everybody.

    My mom says that everything should be changed now, but honestly I don’t really even want to enter another Walgreens anymore. That’s how crap I’ve felt. Me and my mom are going this weekend (hopefully) to another clinic other than Walgreens.. and I still don’t feel good about this. Especially if we’re getting restaurant food to take home afterwards, I’ve often been grouped with her as “ladies”. Ugh. 😔

    This damn society..

    (Just in case - please don’t mention - or censor - the words c*v*d-19 (o, i), c*r*na (o, o), p*nd*mic (a, e), or q**rint*ne (ua, i) in the comments.)

    #GenderDysphoria #ihatethis #SocialAnxiety #LGBTQIA

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    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is NCgal94. I'm here because I want to support others and learn more

    #MightyTogether #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #GenderDysphoria

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    I got misgendered from behind | TW dysphoria, mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, one swear #venting

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    Sometimes I really hate being trans and nonbinary. I wish I was just born masculine.
    It’s not fun. It happened as soon as I came to the bus stop, too, and I immediately just went back home. Clearly all society sees is a girl. No matter what I freaking do. I have long hair, but I’m not a freaking girl.

    Why can’t this stupid society see that I’m not a girl? Every time I get misgendered now, thoughts of being off dead get into my head, oftentimes even having a plan right then and there. And I went back to self harm today, but I’ll try not to do it again.

    I hate this.

    So fuck it. I’m not going back outside. Not even to eat (which is why I would even be outside). Not even to pick up something from the door if someone’s standing there. Not if everyone is just going to misgender me as a girl like this, even if they usually don’t mean to hurt me. It still freaking hurts. This is why I can’t even just dress how I want to dress. I try to, but stuff like this often gets in the way, and this is why I sometimes avoid wearing skirts (which I guess didn’t even freaking matter today anyway).

    Oh, and just for clarity’s sake, I don’t identify as a human. It’s nothing pessimistic or degrading, but it’s more in a spiritual nonhuman way. So I ask to please not call me a human, thanks.

    #LGBTQIA #sad #GenderDysphoria #SocialAnxiety #SuicidalIdeation #ihatethis #fml #imnotagirldamnit

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    I can’t even order food without the fear of being misgendered in person | TW dysphoria #venting

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    It’s the only reason I always eat out to the same places that at least know me over and over again. Otherwise it’s just “okay ma’am” “yes, miss?” Or “okay ladies” when I’m with my mom and/or sister. It’s so annoying and invalidating!! I can’t even order food to here because I’m usually not in my androgynous clothes or binder, and I still feel very insecure if my chest is still obvious even with my binder. So that means that if I ever do, I would literally have to dress too masculine for my tastes just to go outside and pick my food up from the delivery individual. For like a 5-10 second period!! That makes no sense!!

    But I refuse to be seen as a woman who lives here. That’s not happening. No way. It’s either a man or nonbinary, and even though I’m really nonbinary transmasc, it just going to seem to work dressing too masculine for my tastes. Social dysphoria’s that bad. This state sucks. Well, society sucks in general.

    #GenderDysphoria #thissucks #sad #SocialAnxiety #LGBTQIA

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    I have something to say

    I am proud of you for making it here this far. It takes so much to keep on going, and that’s truly an amazing thing. It will get better. As hard as that may be to believe, bad days won’t last forever. Good days will come. Please, be there to see them. Keep on trying. Please 💛🎗

    #Autism #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth #Grief #SuicideAwareness #Suicide #dontgiveup #YouGotThis #LGBTQIA #KeepTrying #GenderDysphoria #PTSD

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    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is dmtfranklin. I'm worried about my teenager who has major depressive disorder, suicidal ideation, gender dysphoria and anxiety.

    #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety