grievingapet

Sometimes things just don’t get better. 2021 is, for me, no better than 2020.

Yesterday I unexpectedly had to say goodbye to my cat. He hadn’t been showing any signs of being ill up until 24 hours before. He was rushed to the vet yesterday and given a terminal diagnosis so we had to make the decision to stop his suffering.

I’m broken. It was so difficult to say goodbye to him, especially with how unexpected it was. I’ve been crying most the time and sleeping with his toys because he used to play with them so much, and they’re the closest thing I have to him now.

It all seems so wrong. It hurts me to explain though because it makes it more real.

On Friday I had contacted the doctors about my depression and told to contact them again on Monday and now this has happened. When it rains, it pours I guess.

#Depression #Cat #grieving #pet #petloss #Mourning #bereaved #MentalHealth #grievingapet

I must admit, this week's small thing has been the hardest so far for me. Writing a Valentine sounds easy, but I have found it to be a nearly impossible task this week. For me, Valentine's Day is just like any other day. I know lots of women who expect gifts of flowers and candy, but gastroparesis limits what I can eat and the scent of flowers gives me a migraine. So today, I laughed when the delivery truck stopped at my house and I told my mom I got a Valentine delivery. She asked what I had received and I proudly announced, "The UPS driver brought me IV Fluids!"

When I saw the small thing for this week was to write a Valentine, I knew it was going to be a challenge for me. When I saw write a Valentine to your pet and I almost cried. My friend Pepper has taken great care of me the last eight years. He somehow learned on his own to recognize when I was sick and in need of help and he would go get someone. Last year, he saved the lives of mom, dad, and me. Thanks to Pepper recognizing something was different about me, we survived carbon monoxide poison. Any other year, I would have been able to write a letter of admiration and gratitude to Pepper without thinking twice. However, I awoke Sunday morning, to find Pepper's battle with lymphoma was over. Being an adult woman with several chronic health conditions, and without a husband or kids, my pets are more than pets, they are my babies. For the first time in 12 years, I went to bed Sunday night alone. I woke up Monday morning without a dog barking to be let outside. Although I don't feel like getting out of bed most mornings, Monday morning was different because I didn't have a reason to get up. I did get up though. While I might be heart broken and grieving, life goes on. So here's my best effort at writing my pet a valentine.

Pepper...your smile was contagious...even on my darkest days you always found a way to cheer me up. I'll never forget the way you barked only one quiet bark to indicate you needed out...the way you made that little sneezing sound when you wanted your way...the way you refused to go for walks because you preferred riding on my mobility scooter...the way you would lay by my knitting like it was your project...the way you could wake everyone in the house with your snoring...or the way you met me at the door wagging your fluffy tail when I had been away from home. You could do things no one else could, like the day you convinced Dad to get out of his recliner and let you have it for your afternoon nap. Everyone who met you loved you and claimed you as their dog, but you knew you were mine. Whoever said “a dog is man's best friend” knew what they were talking about. You loved me and protected me. You were a part of the family. You were our hero. Roses might be red and violets might be blue, but I know that no day will ever be the same without you. Happy Valentine's Day, Buddy!