highfunctioning

#Bipolar2 #highfunctioning Trigger warning

Woke up in a real low so put some feelings to paper

Another Middle-aged man,

He’s had enough.

Unable to meet expectations and requirements, constant pressure combined with very human needs.

Expectations to meet and exceed. Unable to earn enough to allow you to live without constant anxiety over where money is coming from to pay the next demand, you aren’t valuable enough.

Constant pushing to become commercially valuable enough to be able to afford to live. Your individual value is directly related to the value of your labor output.

Simple do something you enjoy, that gives you fulfilment, fulfilment doesn’t pay the bills

Robs time your young family so rightly need, you can never give them enough of you, teach them enough, show them enough love.

Basic needs like housing, a rent increase or a mortgage increase, more pressure, crushing, overwhelming.

Struggling to grasp how this is life, how this is society, how this is what there is, all there is.

Medicate yourself so that it doesn’t weigh on you. When it still won’t go away, how about a few electric shocks to the brain, a reset?

You’re not doing very well at this life thing, maybe it just wasn’t meant for you. Surely not everyone is like this. Surely the fact that the status quo is the way it is means everyone else is ok with it.

Society knows some struggle with this, “R you OK?”. Be careful how you respond and whom you respond to, you may get an overly emotional response that doesn’t give answers. Or you may lose your job.

Craving not having to deal with this, to get away from it. You have seen what the world you live in is. You know what you have to offer, and you know you don’t meet expectations. Why continue to disappoint? Nothing is going to change no matter how you feel.

Maybe your absence could create a conversation and if it doesn’t, your presence certainly didn’t.

Less than 2 minutes is all it would take.

Problems with the terms high functioning and low functioning to describe autism

When you use those terms you are subconsciously creating a caste type hierarchy/system where the people labeled as high functioning get better treatment and more opportunities than those who are labeled as solely autistic or are labeled low functioning, leading to the Matthew effect.

I've noticed that it has come to the point where almost everyone who is verbal claims they are high functioning because they see the people who have the labels of high functioning and Aspergers getting preferential treatment as mentioned a few sentences earlier.

There is no universal consensus of what should be considered high functioning as of today: as people like Temple Grandin (who was labeled as severe during childhood) have achieved more than some people who were labeled as mild during childhood yet never had any motivation to go to a university or trade school.

A few years ago I saw a video of Edward Snowden saying something along the lines of high functioning should be used to describe people like the "MIT whiz kids" as opposed to everyone that's not intellectually challenged, those who can hold a steady job, and those who can hold a conversation--thus showing that there is such a spectrum when it comes to people showing their strengths and masking their flaws.

#Autism #Aspergers #Ableism #Masking #highfunctioning

Why? Why do I feel like this? I am so aware of my physical self it’s crazy but the emotions overpower me. Even with all the control I have. This is why depression is real for me. Today the pain of ending it all debilitated me.

I’m going to be 50 years old in September. Up until about ten years ago, I was what was considered “high functioning”. I owned and operated an administrative support and organization management company with small to midsized business clients from all over the world. I was even awarded the 2010 Emerging SBA award. I also had a wonderful man who loved me and asked me to marry him. But I wanted a different life. I didn’t want to be tied down. I broke up with him, shut down the company (even broke contracts), and decided to look for work as a bartender. Up until then, I was always rising up through the ranks at a comet’s pace. I had been ever since I was 19. I was tired. I lived through decades of trauma, then in my early 20s, shoved it all down and focused on work and my daughter, in that order. Episodes popped up here and there... Flashbacks, uncontrollable sobbing, night terrors... but I just kept shoving it back down. Last year, I admitted myself to a psyche hospital. I did inpatient/outpatient for four and a half months. Just about everything has now risen up to the surface. Every day feels like a struggle. Every day I am reaching into my healing toolbox to find something to keep me going until tomorrow comes. With all that’s going on in our country right now, all that I want to say is buried so far beneath my trauma, I literally feel dumb... like lacking any intelligence. Instead, I feel a tremendous amount of frustration, without a single way of releasing it in sight. I used to be the person organizing others, rallying others, leading others... Now I’m the person driving and living out of a semi truck, feeling utterly useless.

Is there anyone else out there who can identify? What is the opposite of a unicorn because that would be me. #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #highfunctioning #frustrated

Any ideas about breaking the habit

So, work today we lost two clients. One client caused yrauma and hearimg about it triggered me. Lucky me... I forgot my meds so I went home early. But I was able to fake it half of the shift like everything was fine. Sometimes I feel like a fraud for being able to put a mask on. #highfunctioning #Anxiety #CPTSD

I’m high functioning, which means you would probably never notice all my issues. I lead a very normal life, I’m about to finish my master’s degree, and I have my own family. None of this would have been possible if my mom and dad hadn’t seen that I was struggling and gotten me help at a young age. I would not be #highfunctioning if I hadn’t received treatment. In fact, I doubt I would be alive. So, thank you mom and dad, for helping me when I couldn’t help myself. I know you won’t ever see this, but just know that I am grateful.