Ijustwanttodie

Today I woke up crying, scared about my future and where it will go. I love my apartment but my landlord, the office and certain neighbors hate me. Have gone above and beyond to take me down. So how am I supposed to move when I have no family or friends. No help whatsoever. I have no money saved or any extra each month so I can't afford movers, new deposits new fees. I'm physically and mentally unable to move. And I have no help. So what do I do ? I would rather die than be homeless. I don't want to lose anything else in my life, I have lost enough. And I will never be able to get it back. I just don't matter to anyone for anything. So when I get up each day, I have no more will left inside of me. All my health problems have finally taken me down. I physically, emotionally and mentally am a goner. I don't want things to be like this, but I have no answers and I really don't know what to do anymore. If killing myself wouldn't hurt, I would have already done it. I know I'm ranting. But the world has been cruel to me my entire life. Bullied since a child and I am still bullied today and I am tired and don't want to try anymore. I wish I wouldn't wake up each day
I wish it was over for me, everything else has been
#Ijustdontcareanymore #neverbeenloved #solonely #ChronicInflammatoryDemyelinatingPolyneuropathy #HIVAIDS #GuillainBarreSyndrome #ihatemylife

Made it through the day but I wish I hadn't i still keep going round and round in my head about everything. I still feel like my youngest brother hates me for being the way I am. That he and the rest of my family don't love me and never did. This is so different then ever before I don't want to kill myself to make my dad or mom or any of my abusers pay, now its just cuz there isn't a place for me in my own family let alone the world. The saddest part to me is it's not that I couldn't have been saved it's that no one ever cared enough to save me. Ixtab is calling me whispering sweetly in my ear "come with me there is no more pain here" I can feel her warm embrace comforting me. I don't even know why I am bothering to post this because #noonnecares on here either. I'm just so tired. Tired of giving well others take. Tired of caring when no one cares. But most of all tired of being brave and soldiering on just to keep doing it, maybe that's my purpose maybe I'm just the sacrifice so that others don't have to feel this pain. Anyway I'm going to go sleep. I hope I don't wake up tomorrow. #suicidal #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #CPTSD #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #alone #tired #Broken #NoOneCaresAboutMe #Ijustwanttodie