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THE WORLD HAS BEEN CRUEL TO ME #Ijustwanttodie #cruelworld

Today I woke up crying, scared about my future and where it will go. I love my apartment but my landlord, the office and certain neighbors hate me. Have gone above and beyond to take me down. So how am I supposed to move when I have no family or friends. No help whatsoever. I have no money saved or any extra each month so I can't afford movers, new deposits new fees. I'm physically and mentally unable to move. And I have no help. So what do I do ? I would rather die than be homeless. I don't want to lose anything else in my life, I have lost enough. And I will never be able to get it back. I just don't matter to anyone for anything. So when I get up each day, I have no more will left inside of me. All my health problems have finally taken me down. I physically, emotionally and mentally am a goner. I don't want things to be like this, but I have no answers and I really don't know what to do anymore. If killing myself wouldn't hurt, I would have already done it. I know I'm ranting. But the world has been cruel to me my entire life. Bullied since a child and I am still bullied today and I am tired and don't want to try anymore. I wish I wouldn't wake up each day
I wish it was over for me, everything else has been
#Ijustdontcareanymore #neverbeenloved #solonely #ChronicInflammatoryDemyelinatingPolyneuropathy #HIVAIDS #GuillainBarreSyndrome #ihatemylife


I want to cry

I was supposed to be getting a really good job with benefits and I was just waiting on a start date. but I got a letter today saying that they were rescinding my offer because of my background check. I made a mistake and got a dui at the beginning of the year and I’m just...nothing seems to be going right. I really thought I was good otherwise I would’ve spent the last two weeks continuing to apply for other jobs. I’m so upset. I just want to go to work and pay my bills and stuff. I’m so sick of every single thing going wrong. I thought things were finally getting better until this #Depression #Anxiety #executivedysfunction #ihatemylife #everythingisbad


The following will not make sense to anyone but I just have to write some of it out, even if it is garbled gibberish because it has me so angered and frustrated over such a long period of time that I feel like i am going to explode. I dont know why I am going to be vague when writing about it, probably my built-in paranoia.

The person in my life who has been my main support , somewhat by default, has made a choice in their life that I find beyond objectionable and disgusting. It is nothing illegal or anything like that, so no worries there. Just more along the lines of morally and socially frowned upon or acceptable. Some people might be more understanding of the situation but it is an absolute trigger and no-no for me.
It has DEEPLY impacted my relationship with this person, and in turn has really messed up much more. We used to be in contact daily and they helped me in all areas of life, but for almost a year now our relationship has been fractured. It's either non existentnt, icy, or downright hostile. I'm not sure if they know why things have become this way, and it is not something I feel i can discuss with them. In large part because if I do bring it up, I am going to blow a gasket. Further, i really cant discuss this with anyone in my life because ours are so intertwined - we either know or share family members, social connections, and even a mental health professional so I cannot vent or seek guidance from pretty much anyone. I dont have friends because I have shut down and isolated myself completely.. I dont trust people and they are exhausting and my mental illnesses have just turned me into a reclusive loner.
I am so f*cking angry and am literally alone and I just dont know what to do. There is nothing to do. Im not looking for advice or anything because I know this is cryptic and pointless and I dont feel better having written all of this out but i just needed to put it out into the ether.

#Borderline #Bipolar #ihatemylife


What do you do when all you think about is killing yourself, all day everyday?? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #suicidal #ihatemylife #endmysuffering

I am totally alone. I have no friends or family. My boyfriend for almost 2 years never comes home, is cheating (denies it of course), and if I didn't know any better I'd swear he does things that trigger the worst side of my disorders then uses that as an excuse to get mad at me and not come home. I stay so damned depressed and literally always alone. I sit in my room and do nothing but think about all the information & photos that I can't unsee or unknow. I haven't been able to get out of bed for 5days now. I don't want to live anymore....


Does anyone else wish they had therapy every day? #CheckInWithMe #Depression #ihatemylife

It’s like it’s the only place I feel safe or like I’m doing anything remotely helpful.


I'm a loser

I hate feeling like I'm better off dead, and that I'm a loser who will never find a job that actually means something to me and makes me feel good. But alas, why would anyone want someone like me? #depressionsucks #ihatemylife