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Why I stopped listening to music #ithMe #Suicid #onalityDisorder #anxiety #dep #sion ##Chro

Before I got clean and sober 2 years ago I never liked to listen to music. Music was the enemy for me. It was painful how it brought back painful memories. so imagine… switching the channel immediately out of fear, fear because every time I heard a song while I was using it brought me back to a time that I did something stupid to me. It brought back a memory of a time I embarrassed myself or hurt the people I love or abandoned people I love, like my daughter. I just stopped listening out of what feelings it brought up.. guilt, shame, pain and bad memories. However, when I got clean, things changed with music and it became part of my recovery. No more did it cause pain. In fact, it became essential for physical pain control and simply smiling, laughing and having fun. I even did an experiment to see if soft rock could get me through a root canal and it did! Music is everything to me now. It is always on. I am always dancing, signing off key and loving it. No longer do I feel emotional pain, shame or guilt. I don’t allow it to take me back to a painful memory, I only allow it to form a new memory. It is an amazing tool to heal a creature throughout and I could not live without it.
.#SuicidalThoughts #ChronicDepression #ChronicIlless

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I woke up frozen with fear this morning. It’s been seven years since I lost my career and was ostracized by the community. I admit it was all my fault. I take the responsibility. But then what kind of person am I? I worked hard as a teacher to be caring and dedicated. I messed up. I can go longer periods without my thoughts being clouded but then suicidal ideation kicks in. I’m safe, but it’s here again today. #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ithMe #suicidal thoughts #Loneliness


Hey you! #Love #MESSI #cIllness # #Migraine #ithMe #mental

You are the beautiful, your soul is shining out of your skin so it doesn't even matter you forget to make up today. I just want to remind you in case you forgot that do whatever you were doing, before I interpreted. I love you. Bye.