Join the Conversation on
51 people
0 stories
5 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in

Why I stopped listening to music #ithMe #Suicid #onalityDisorder #anxiety #dep #sion ##Chro

Before I got clean and sober 2 years ago I never liked to listen to music. Music was the enemy for me. It was painful how it brought back painful memories. so imagine… switching the channel immediately out of fear, fear because every time I heard a song while I was using it brought me back to a time that I did something stupid to me. It brought back a memory of a time I embarrassed myself or hurt the people I love or abandoned people I love, like my daughter. I just stopped listening out of what feelings it brought up.. guilt, shame, pain and bad memories. However, when I got clean, things changed with music and it became part of my recovery. No more did it cause pain. In fact, it became essential for physical pain control and simply smiling, laughing and having fun. I even did an experiment to see if soft rock could get me through a root canal and it did! Music is everything to me now. It is always on. I am always dancing, signing off key and loving it. No longer do I feel emotional pain, shame or guilt. I don’t allow it to take me back to a painful memory, I only allow it to form a new memory. It is an amazing tool to heal a creature throughout and I could not live without it.
.#SuicidalThoughts #ChronicDepression #ChronicIlless

9 reactions 5 comments
See full photo

Still ... searching for myself ...

I was so self-assured. I knew what I wanted. I knew how life would turn out. I knew where I was going. I knew how I would get there. I was sure that the world was my oyster and all I had to do was pluck out the pearl. I was confident, strong, mighty, even a little arrogant.

Those were the days of youth and youthful arrogance and confidence. Life was good! Or so it seemed. But that picture never came into view, not even close!

Even then there were signs that all was not well, that life was not headed in the direction I thought it was. There were hints deep inside ... the fatigue, the constant sinus and bronchitis infections, the gastrointestinal problems, my lack of focus, the increasing brain fog, and the recurring periods of battling through it all. Still, I was confident that all would work out in the end.

Then the diagnoses came. Now it was real. There was no "fixing" me. All I could do was manage being ill. I could not ignore it or deny it any longer though I tried mightily for years. Now I more readily admit I am ill, but still only to a guarded group of trusted family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances.

I do not even know who I am anymore. What happened? How did I lose myself along the way? How did I end up in this foreign, nasty world of chronic illness?

So, after searching for myself, I ask, "How do I find myself again, how do I reconcile with myself again, and how do I love myself again?"

#ChronicIllness #CheckInWithMe #Depression #RareDisease ##Chro nicFatigue #ChronicPain

See full photo

Therapist vacation

Don't you hate it when your psychologist goes on vacation? I mean who does he think he is? Yes logically I understand he works hard and god knows I wouldn't want to listen to someone like me all day but really? He'll be gone for five weeks. I act nice. He did give me his number in case I truly needed him. I appreciate he needs time to be with his family, but inside I'm crumbling. Inside I'm scared and devastated. It's only now that I realize how dependent I've become to our weekly visits. I'm going to try to be strong and not call him. Also try not to lean on my husband so much. Maybe his vacation will be a good thing for me. Doubtful.

#Schizophrenia ##cFatigueSyndrome ##Chro ##ChronicDepression ##Anxiety ###Chro ##ChronicIllness ###Disability ###DistractMe


Pins and needles ##Chronic pain #

This tatoo pulled at my heart. I've had chronic pain with crohns  disease for 40 years, add the surgeries and arthritis,  the shots in my joints, this describes what I could never say.  But I'm still here..  Still alive, have 4 children and 1 grandchild.  At 64, life has been  difficult, but When I look to the sky, It's worth it.  Stay strong, and thank you for the art.


Dating with chronic illness/ chronic pain...

I’m a queer 32-year-old lady, and I’ve kinda given up on waiting to manage my pain/illnesses before seeking a relationship. I’ve been out of the dating game for years, and would really appreciate any advice or suggestions on how to get back in. #ChronicPain