chronic illess

I want to bash my head in. I want to scream on the top of my lungs. I am so angry and I don’t want to fall back into behaviors that slowly kill me.

I can’t do this.

Any appointment I’m ABLE to get, is so complex I don’t understand. Referals, we don’t take your insurance.

No one takes my insurance!!! Medicaid doesn’t cover medications!!! Are you over 18? Then we need a million prior authorizations!! But wait!! Never mind because you’re too old for the medication, per us insurance!!

Your sick?! Need meds?! YOU GOT IT!

JUST KIDDING THEYRE NEVER COVERED!!

Have no job because you can barely keep yourself safe?!?! TRY OUR MEDICAID AND GET NO MEDICATIONS OR SERVICES YOU NEED!!

NEED TO SEE NEUROLOGY?! FORGET IT WITH MEDICAID!

NEED TO GET VIRAL MEDICATION?! FORGET IT WITH MEDICAID!!!

It’s just a big FU to anyone who can’t take care of themselves, the way the country wants.

I fucking hate it here. Why do I try? Why do I fight so hard when there’s 10,000 roadblocks in the way.

Fighting for disability, with a lawyer, who told me I’m going to get denied again. I WENT AND GOT ALL MY RECORDS BECAUSE THEY DIDNT.

I get told by my lawyer, THAT THE STATE ISNT GOING TO READ EVERY PAGE.

WHY THE FUCK AM I FIGHTING THEN?!?!

About two weeks ago, I wanted to do a post a day, to get back into the feel of writing and processing and just dealing with this lovely process of living with a chronic illness.

Then, I had a bad Friday, and I long weekend, fatigue hit hard and then an appt , then another appt….

Then, just CRASH…

All the best intentions, gone.

Now, I’m slowly coming up for air and it’s like …. Wow, it’s been almost 2 weeks.

It’s so easy to lose time, and then when you’re ready to start again … you feel disappointed…

Starting over…
And over
And over

Sooo

Here we go

Starting over

#Asthma #Arthritis #ChronicIlless #Jointpain #ChronicDepression
#TraumaticBrainInjury #TBI
#PostconcussionSyndrome
#AnkylosingSpondylitis #ADHD
#ChronicPain #
#Endometriosis #PMDD
#COVID19 #ChronicFatigue
#DiabetesType2

Hi fólks! So here is the deal: About two weeks ago I had my annual flu shot and got a slight fever ( I sometimes do ), a week later I got my fourth Covid-19 shot. Two days later I got fever 37,5°C which for me equals 38°C because my normal tempture is 36,5°C. Yeasterday, Saturday, I had no tempture, but today, Sunday, it's UP AGAIN! 😡😣😣 I am feeling a bit frustred, had some plans, had to cancel for THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK!!! ☹️☹️☹️ In my case this is a mixture of the shots, my reaction to them and the daman flu. Don't get me wrong, I'm not badly ill, just tired of staying home.

I have recently been thinking about getting back to a sport/activity I used to do before my health took a dive for the worse. The thing that I believe keeps me from doing it is the fact that I know I will need my wheelchair. This sport/activity can be done standing(which is the norm),sitting or from a wheelchair. I’m still not confident and maybe still not comfortable going out in my wheelchair when it comes to the day-to-day stuff. So I’m very anxious and nervous about possibly going back to the sport/activity. They know that I had health issues before, but as the years have gone by, I have seen that more young people have joined the club, which only intensifies my nervous about going back.

I know that I don’t owe them any explanation for why I would use my wheelchair, but I also feel maybe that I should…but I don’t know how to go about explaining that I have POTS and all that.

I guess my question is, how do you go about being an ambulatory wheelchair user and sports/activities were you probably will be looked at or that people will ask questions?

#PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #AutonomicDysfunction #ChronicIlless #Sport

I think I’m doing pretty good for the one post a day. I have almost made it a week. 😂✍️

This is progress.

I have a bunch of appts today, so I am preparing to be poked and prodded and make “nice conversation” 😂😂

It’s not the best day though, fatigue is high and I would really rather be in bed, because every moment will be a tiny mountain I have to climb.

Dealing with one chronic illness is frustrating enough, but when they start to combine on any given day, that’s when your body becomes your own personal torture chamber.

Today, it’s joint pain plus the PMDD and the spine pain… and with the PMDD there is the endometriosis… and there is always the foundation of it all , the Asthma…

You have to take it all in, balance it and then try to present yourself to the world as

“Normal”

Life , right..🤔😂

I look forward to the adventure of today. 🥰

##Asthma #Arthritis #ChronicIlless #Jointpain #ChronicDepression #TraumaticBrainInjury #TBI
#PostconcussionSyndrome
#AnkylosingSpondylitis #ADHD #ChronicPain #Endometriosis #PMDD #COVID19 #ChronicFatigue #DiabetesType2