jobinterview

TW: sh, disordered eating

I had a job interview yesterday which went quite well. It was my first job interview since quitting my job in May and it was for a position that fits well with my knowledge, skills, and experience.

Within an hour of the interview being over, I started rethinking everything I had said and fixating on some details. As the day went, I felt my mood significantly shift downward. It is hard for me to admit this because I feel a lot of shame, but I ordered pizza with full knowledge that it would make me feel worse (food sensitivities) and binged on it.

I kept tearing up and crying last night, and feeling like I'll never be able to handle a normal working life. I've also just started reopening some difficult things in therapy so that doesn't help.

Today, I've stayed in bed all day. My solution to not bingeing on leftover pizza from the moment I woke up was to just not eat anything. This also meant deliberately skipping my morning meds because it should be taken with food. As I started feeling terrible by 2pm, I ate some healthy food and took my afternoon meds.

I have my final depression therapy group session on Monday (week 8) and all I can think about is how I've failed. I was doing pretty well but this weekend is just so much regression and I am so ashamed and upset that I just want to wallow in it instead of using my strategies and coping skills.

I knew my reprieve of several months from the depths of depression wouldn't last, but why did a positive job interview experience lead to this?

I'm posting here because I need to resist the urge to isolate and hibernate.

#CheckInWithMe #letstalkdepression #Work #jobinterview #DisorderedEating #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #Isolation

I have a job interview at a coffee shop today and I was really excited but after the scary-ass hurricane & tornado warning early this morning (thankfully it didn’t come close to me) and barely sleeping I don’t feel good about it. I physically don’t feel good, I’m anxious, I just don’t feel my best. I tried talking to my mom about it and she said “don’t cancel, it’s unprofessional…. Yes lastnight was scary but you aren’t the only one who went through it.” You aren’t the only one… that is probably one of the WORST things you can say to someone. How invalidating. That’s not how you make someone feel better, like fuck off. Now I’m mad at her ontop of all this. Ugh I wish this wasn’t happening today….

Just had a job interview over the phone. There ended up being 5 people running the interview. Mentioned that I have health issues as it may pertain to the job, and their response was basically that they were thankful that I was open about it and that it will not have any impact on whether I get hired or not. If I am hired, then we will have a conversation about how to set up any accommodations that may be needed.

It was all completely positive. I just have no idea why I find myself crying on and off. I’m not happy or sad or really any emotion, I just keep finding myself all of a sudden crying. Maybe it’s relief that the interview is over. Maybe it’s finally feeling overwhelmed/stress/anxiety that I didn’t know I was even feeling. I wasn’t even really looking for a job, I got a message on LinkedIn that progressed all the way to this interview. Tears are just happening and I have no idea why.

#ImposterSyndrome #Anxiety #Disabled #Scientist

For example I had a job interview last Monday and I left feeling like a complete failure. Tried as I might I just couldn't seem to communicate effectively with the interviewers (who happened to be the whole staff I would be working with). I felt completely detached and awkward. For all of last week I've been kicking myself about this interview and I would love some solidarity to know it's not the end of the world. #worklifebalance #BPD #Borderline #jobinterview #Anxiety