disordered eating

TW: sh, disordered eating

I had a job interview yesterday which went quite well. It was my first job interview since quitting my job in May and it was for a position that fits well with my knowledge, skills, and experience.

Within an hour of the interview being over, I started rethinking everything I had said and fixating on some details. As the day went, I felt my mood significantly shift downward. It is hard for me to admit this because I feel a lot of shame, but I ordered pizza with full knowledge that it would make me feel worse (food sensitivities) and binged on it.

I kept tearing up and crying last night, and feeling like I'll never be able to handle a normal working life. I've also just started reopening some difficult things in therapy so that doesn't help.

Today, I've stayed in bed all day. My solution to not bingeing on leftover pizza from the moment I woke up was to just not eat anything. This also meant deliberately skipping my morning meds because it should be taken with food. As I started feeling terrible by 2pm, I ate some healthy food and took my afternoon meds.

I have my final depression therapy group session on Monday (week 8) and all I can think about is how I've failed. I was doing pretty well but this weekend is just so much regression and I am so ashamed and upset that I just want to wallow in it instead of using my strategies and coping skills.

I knew my reprieve of several months from the depths of depression wouldn't last, but why did a positive job interview experience lead to this?

I'm posting here because I need to resist the urge to isolate and hibernate.

#CheckInWithMe #letstalkdepression #Work #jobinterview #DisorderedEating #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #Isolation

so lately i just haven’t had an appetite for anything and i’ve been nauseous and puking when i do eat. i’ve noticed that even when i ate like two hours ago the food still appears undigested. does anyone know what that could be or how to stop this from happening? it would be appreciated.

#DisorderedEating #Dysphagia #RuminationSyndrome #GastrointestinalDiscomfort #Gastroparesis

I never wrote anything like this before, so bear with me, please.

3 years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disoreder, it was a relief knowing that what I was going through was not me “going crazy” or just “being crazy” since my teenage years, but it had a name.

However, it opened my eyes to some challenges.

I honestly don’t know how relevant this is to what I am trying to say, but I just felt the need to put it out here, for once, to be able to tell it to someone who might understand.

But getting back to my point…
I have a pretty difficult time with decisions, one in particular.

I got this job offer and for some reason I went to the interview. I got the job, it pays way better than my current job, it has a lot of benefits (financialy and professionaly). However, its very different from what I am doing at the moment, the new job being in management. At the moment I am a psychologist, k9 conducuctor and dog behaviorist. Tbh in my country it’s paid pretty badly, I can barely make ends meet and it’s putting a lof of stress on me and at times I feel like I am unrevelling.

And now, I am faced with this decision: old job or new job?
Doing what I love (for little money, with no possibility of advancement) or do what it’s right for my health and stability?
#Decisions #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DisorderedEating #dep 🫣 #Anxiety #help

Hello everyone, my husband and I are hoping to get some suggestions from you. My husband has been working through a bunch of things: disordered eating, intrusive thoughts, fear of getting sick and beneath all that is some form of trauma. The journey to recover from these things have not been straightforward or easy but over two years he has made progress in healing.

Unfortunately, his parents have not been able to understand the situation no matter how much we try to explain it. They keep asking him every week "Are you better yet?" even though we've made it clear it may take years to recover. They also push for medication because they "don't see progress" even though my husband has explicitly explained many times that it wasn't right for him.

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle such expectations? Have you gone through such an experience and what did you try?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

#PTSD #CPTSD #DisorderedEating #IntrusiveThoughts

the hardest part about eating healthy is gaining the weight #DisorderedEating

so to add to the mix of my anxiety/phobia-ridden life, presently symptomatic in-part as struggling to eat adequately -- ... we add ...!

BITE! BLOCKS! ... or which I call, teef wedges. 🙃 It's like a doorstopper, for teeth! 🙃 I mean I've heard of them before anecdotally, but I didn't think it would apply to me 🙃 1001% unexpected 🙃 how long do they go in for ... I thought it was 1 adjustment but Google said possibly 6-9mo halp 😑🙃

Apparently it's for bite issues? But my ortho said something about how my gaps are not closing equally so it's disproportionate (by now the lowers are 99% closed, uppers less so and I can't see as clearly but I can def still feel the [albeit smol] gap) .. so we put bite blocks! I have two, one on each side.

... help, it's like spacers (but wedged) all over again. Does the I-feel-it-there -ness ever fade? + with night time elastic wear, I definitely feel the elastic pressure on the side where the bite block's pressure also feels stronger.

This means ... yesterday's lunch was 5 chicken nuggets (omg sounds like a kids' meal don't judge but I really didn't even dare to try a burger) + iced matcha latte. Yesterday's dinner was black beans cooked (soft) to Asian-style soup, with rice - yes I note my no-meat-no-veggies life but HOW? I basically give up on fibrous/leafy veg, & chicken/beef is stringy, help. I usually eat prawns with fried rice now. Not cos I like choosing "expensive" options, but because dang teeth.

Skipped breakfast, had lunch with a friend today - had a ham steak/sourdough toast (2slices, what was I thinking) set with 2 eggs. Ate most of it but couldn't quite finish, partly cos I took so long I got full + the food got cold. I left about 3/4 piece of sourdough toast & half a sunnysideup on my plate. Ate the same dinner as yesterday, minus rice. Managed to *somehow* also eat one slice of apple (I'm legit so proud hahahaha) ... in the same time a regular person might have eaten 2. Or 3. But okay 🙃

... help. Might need to start buying canned cream soup again - life as it is; I bought some when I first started my braces journey last year. Left 2 cans unfinished bc I learned to eat proper food with time (😅), realised one can had a dent the other day - threw away - and I just opened the last one over the weekend. So I have no. more. canned. soup 😑

Soup tomorrow, maybe. I need canned tuna that I can make salad with (for toast? 😋) ... no meat/no veg** life, help 🙃

** I do _try_ my best though. Like if my parents cook or buy back stuff that definitely includes some kind of meat/veg, my current refrain is "will try, but not gonna take a 2nd serve/piece .. "

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Selfesteem [?] #DisorderedEating [?]

So I've been unemployed for abt 4 months now after my company "downsized to management" (using their exact phrase + clarify I wasn't terminated) and as time goes by, I feel an increasing sense of shame abt it.

Anyway, so initially I think I put on some weight, like x pounds. It FREAKED ME OUT bc if you believe in BMI, let's just say as an Asian that amount pushes my BMI into not-great territory hahaha it made my BMI higher than ideal.

As time went by (I swear I wasn't trying intentionally to lose weight, more like "if I'm not even working do I really need food"), I .. felt less deserving of food 🙃 Not to make things too triggering, but some days I'd only have 2 meals, and I'm not proud to say some days it dwindled to 1. 🙃 It just felt like ... I wasn't sure I deserved food heh.

ANYWAY. So as I said, it would take losing x pounds to put me back to regular BMI. Today I stood on the scale after breakfast(! So its not like first thing in the morn kinda) and realised I only have x-4 pounds to gooo. Like ok I'll be fully upfront and say I don't think the 4 pounds were actual proper healthy loss, so there's that.

That and I havent got my period and I'm definitely not preggo so ... 🙃

Idk, should I be concerned. I'm not sure if like, I'm just late or Aunt Flow skipped the month 🤷‍♀️ IDK ok I sound like an awkward teenager in a weird phase and I'm aware how stupid I sound cos I'm twice that age but uhhhh idkkkkk.

Anyone else relates to any of this?!?! & does this sound like an eating disorder 🙃 or am I just a weirdo heh?

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Selfesteem #DisorderedEating [?]