Not doing great today
TW: sh, disordered eating
I had a job interview yesterday which went quite well. It was my first job interview since quitting my job in May and it was for a position that fits well with my knowledge, skills, and experience.
Within an hour of the interview being over, I started rethinking everything I had said and fixating on some details. As the day went, I felt my mood significantly shift downward. It is hard for me to admit this because I feel a lot of shame, but I ordered pizza with full knowledge that it would make me feel worse (food sensitivities) and binged on it.
I kept tearing up and crying last night, and feeling like I'll never be able to handle a normal working life. I've also just started reopening some difficult things in therapy so that doesn't help.
Today, I've stayed in bed all day. My solution to not bingeing on leftover pizza from the moment I woke up was to just not eat anything. This also meant deliberately skipping my morning meds because it should be taken with food. As I started feeling terrible by 2pm, I ate some healthy food and took my afternoon meds.
I have my final depression therapy group session on Monday (week 8) and all I can think about is how I've failed. I was doing pretty well but this weekend is just so much regression and I am so ashamed and upset that I just want to wallow in it instead of using my strategies and coping skills.
I knew my reprieve of several months from the depths of depression wouldn't last, but why did a positive job interview experience lead to this?
I'm posting here because I need to resist the urge to isolate and hibernate.