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Hi, my name is rand_aralKhonaizi527. I've been diagnosed with
Well……the wheelchair was a flop! Not literally, that would have been very bad for my body, but it has not worked out as intended.
We purchased a wheelchair two weeks ago after a year of me struggling to keep up with my toddler at weekends. Half a day walking and I’m shattered, with all of my lower extremities screaming in unison “why are you doing this to us!”.
Initially I thought I had to accept this limitation, this restriction on my freedom, but as more plans were made for family weekends of fun , I quickly realised I would need more than stubborn willpower and painkillers to make it through a whole weekend. My body, even at the age of 36, just can’t cope with being upright and moving that long, no matter how many rest breaks I take.
So we bought the wheelchair. We used it on the Sunday around a gorgeous farm centre half an hour away from our home. The sun was shining, I had been up and walking all morning and now I was ready to try out my new mobility aid.
It took a bit of getting used to, there was a certain amount of screaming going down small hills, but I felt really good. Soon I was cruising around the farm next to my husband and toddler and I felt sweaty but pretty damn good.
When we got home I had the energy to play with my little boy on the living room floor and even managed to do some cleaning up at home. Sunday night was one of the best evenings after a day out that I have had in a long long time and I felt so relieved about my decision to get a wheelchair, until we got to Monday.
I woke up Monday morning with every joint in my body feeling like it was burning and crumbling simultaneously. I haven’t felt like that since I had the flu last year. It was horrible. Everything from my toes to my fingers and my neck was in agony, movement was agony, even speech was an issue - slowed and slurred (which is perfectly normally for me on a high pain day).
I saw my Osteopath on the Tuesday and we had a very honest and frank conversation about the wheelchair, my pain and what my options were. After a thorough check over she concluded my lower half (which is normally in tatters) was excellent and barely needed any focus. My top half however (neck, shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers etc.) was in a dreadful state. I think I looked like a porcupine at one point in our session as she placed her acupuncture needles.
I now realise that my body is wildly unpredictable. One day my elbows may be flaring, the next it’s my ankle and another day my jaw. It’s like a terrible daily lucky dip where you don’t know what’s going to break down next.
Using the wheelchair part time would not allow me to build up the muscle strength and memory for my body to get used to it. Using it all the time would result in muscle wastage which is also not great, so we returned the wheelchair.
I had mixed feelings handing it back. The uncomfortable feeling of those restrictions on me again and relief that I (hopefully) wasn’t likely to have another full body flare up any time soon.
I’m now exploring my options for powerchairs but it’s been a difficult mental journey doing that. Several times a day I have found myself in a disability imposter syndrome spiral, mentally saying to myself “your not disabled enough for this”, “you should just push through”, “what will people think of you” etc.
My husband is a saint and has pulled me out of that spiral multiple times over the last week. He helped me realise that what I consider “normal” is in fact not “normal” to the majority of able bodied individuals.
For example, when I stand, my knees hyperextend backwards. That’s normal for me because it’s what my body has always done but for him it’s not normal because your joints should not be able to stretch that far. He is in essence, my yard stick, for figuring out what “normal” should look like and feeling exhausted and in so much pain after half a day walking is not normal, especially when it’s been happening for a long time.
I’m still researching powerchairs but I’m trying to be kinder and gentler with myself now. It doesn’t stop the spirals from happening completely but I’m trying to remind myself that my body isn’t “normal” and if I need a little help getting from A to B then that’s ok.
Sometimes I forget I’m a DV survivor and I often doubt that I am. I was in that relationship for 3 years and it was hell. But because it wasn’t physical I doubt myself. I doubt my feelings and my experiences and it’s awful. I keep having memories and flashbacks of it all. But my friend tells me it happened so long ago and that I’m “choosing to live in trauma”. And it makes me feel so bad. I’m just feeling like an imposter today, can I even call myself a survivor?
The Barbie movie is phenomenal. The scenery, the fun, the social commentary… Greta Gerwig deserves all the awards.
However, and I say this with a great deal of respect for the film, one part of the movie gave me pause. About half way through, as Margot Robbie descends into hopelessness over the toxic masculine takeover of Barbieland, there’s a fake commercial for Depression Barbie. The commercial emphasizes Barbie’s feelings by contextualizing them in a “real world” advertisement.
I have seen so much positive feedback on this plot point. For people who live with clinical Depression, there’s a deep empathy to the commercial. Sweatpants, ice cream, the cinematic masterpiece that is BBC’s Pride and Prejudice; these are tangible representations of the struggle to do what needs doing and be who we want to be when Depression looms large. In this respect, giving a pop culture shout out to a mental illness that’s still swimming in stigma, Depression Barbie is a game changer. While she would never be made in real life (and let’s be honest, there are some weird barbies that have come out over the years) she serves a purpose in the movie and in society.
My qualm is there’s a group of us that felt left out at that moment. And it’s not because we didn’t feel a deep connection and familiarity with the depth of Margot Robbie’s despair. The fact is, we feel like Depression Barbie, we see the world through her hopeless mindset, but we don’t look like her. We look like Stereotypical Barbie… although probably without the heels and monochromatic wardrobe. We put on our masks and go about our lives as if nothing is wrong. In this narrative, imposter syndrome runs rampant and we white-knuckle through our days, looking forward to the moment we can crawl back into bed and let our shields down. And sometimes, we do a pretty good job of fooling not only other people, but ourselves. I know there are a ton of us because we even have a name for it: hands up all my High-Functioning Depression peeps out there.
So why does this matter? Did I want a different portrayal in the movie? No. Do I think the scene does a disservice to those of us who struggle with our mental health? No. Do I have some sort of rating system for severity of depression based on productivity? Absolutely Not! Am I reacting to this more strongly than most? Probably.
I think we all have our own story. None of our experiences look exactly the same. It’s a small detail in the grand design of the movie, but it’s a meaningful point of clarification for me. As someone who struggles to validate my own experience, this inspired a reminder that High Functioning Depression is still Depression. I’m no better or worse than anyone else in the trenches with me; comparison has no place in mental health care. And if I’m not in sweatpants eating ice cream, I still deserve to be kind to myself. I don’t have to look a certain way to earn care or rest.
To use the movie analogy – my version of Depression Barbie is going to look different than yours.
1. Know the signs.
We often overlook the signs of impostor syndrome that come up in our day-to-day lives. However, recognizing these signs is the first step toward overcoming them.
You might suffer from impostor syndrome if:
-You feel like you "got lucky" when you actually prepared well and worked hard.
-You find it hard to accept praise.
-You apologize for yourself when you didn't actually do something wrong.
-You hold yourself to incredibly -- sometimes impossibly -- high standards.
-You find the fear of failure paralyzing.
-You avoid expressing confidence because you think people will see it as overcompensating or obnoxious.
-You're convinced you're not enough.
2. Know you're not alone.
When you have impostor syndrome, some of the most important encouragement comes from realizing how many hugely successful people, both male and female, have built amazing careers even while regularly coping with it.
3. Distinguish humility and fear.
There's taking humility in your hard work and accomplishments, and then there's feeling overcome with fear because of them. Sometimes, simply being good at something can cause is to discount its value. But as Carl Richards wrote in a New York Times article, "After spending a lot of time fine-tuning our ability, isn’t it sort of the point for our skill to look and feel natural?"
It all boils down to feeling unworthy. I like how Seth Godin put it in a blog post: "When you feel unworthy, any kind response, positive feedback or reward feels like a trick, a scam, the luck of the draw."
But it is possible to feel worthy without feeling entitled, and overcoming impostor syndrome is all about finding a healthy balance between the two. Godin goes on to write, "Humility and worthiness have nothing at all to do with defending our territory. We don't have to feel like a fraud to also be gracious, open or humble."
4. Let go of your inner perfectionist.
I recently wrote about how perfectionism, while helpful in certain contexts, can be a major roadblock for productivity. Turns out it can be a major roadblock for overcoming impostor syndrome, too.
Many people who suffer from impostor syndrome are high achievers; people who set extremely high standards for themselves and are committed to doing their best and being the best.
But perfectionism only feeds into your impostor syndrome. When you feel like a fraud, it's usually because you're comparing yourself to some *perfect* outcome that's either impossible or unrealistic.
5. Be kind to yourself.
"Take the pressure off yourself and stop trying to be the expert on day one." advises HubSpot marketing manager Jennifer Stafancik.
Impostor syndrome often manifests itself as a voice in our heads, berating us with negative messages like "you're not smart enough" or "you're a fraud."
Negative self-talk is a bad habit, and it can heavily influence our stress and anxiety levels.
6. Track and measure your successes.
When you feel like an impostor, one of the hardest things to grasp is how much of a role you have in your own successes. You might default them to luck or others' hard work, when in fact, your own work, knowledge, and preparation had a lot to do with it.
To help show yourself that you're actually doing well, keep track of your wins in a private document.
There are a lot of different ways to track these successes, and the metrics you use will depend entirely on your job. If you're a blogger, you might keep track of your posts' monthly average page views and watch them go up, or compare them to the team average. You might also keep a separate tab to paste kind words people have written to you via email, Twitter, blog comments, and so on.
7. Talk about it with a mentor and your manager.
No one should suffer in silence. Sharing your thoughts and experiences with someone else will make you better equipped to deal with your impostor syndrome. We recommend sharing them with both a mentor and your direct manager.
Your mentor will be able to help you talk candidly about your struggles with impostor syndrome, while giving you a more objective point of view -- especially if they work on a different team or at a different company. When you share your experience with them, you might ask if they've ever felt that way, or if they know someone who has.
8. Say "yes" to new opportunities.
It's impossible to say "yes" to everything, especially when you're feeling stressed or spread thin. But it's all too common for people who have impostor syndrome to turn down career-making opportunities because they don't feel like they'd do a good job.
When you're presented with a new opportunity, it's important to distinguish between the voice in your head saying you can't do it because you're not worthy and the one saying you can't do it because you have too much on your plate. The former is your impostor syndrome speaking.
But remember: Taking on challenging new work and doing well at it can open a lot of doors for you. Don't let your inner impostor turn down these game-changing opportunities. They can do wonders to help you learn, grow, and advance your career.
9. Embrace the feeling, and use it.
It's really hard to get rid of impostor syndrome completely -- especially if you've had it for years and years. The fact that hugely successful people like Maya Angelou and Don Cheadle feel that way after all they've accomplished is evidence that it can sometimes be a lifelong condition.
You can refer to this:
Recognizing that you have Impostor Syndrome is often the hardest part of overcoming it. Many people believe that the alternative is to be boastful and self-important, but this needn't be the case.
If you think you have Impostor Syndrome, the following strategies can help you to overcome it:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step is to acknowledge what you're feeling, and why.
Start by keeping a journal. Whenever you experience feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy, write them down, and be specific about why you're feeling this way. The chances are that seeing your thoughts written out in black and white will enable you to see how harmful they really are – and, most importantly, to challenge them!
Remember that, while feelings are important, they are just feelings – and do not necessarily reflect reality. Feeling unqualified doesn't mean you actually are.
For example, in your journal, you might write, "I gave a presentation to the board and, although they said I did very well, I could see that they weren't impressed." If you reflect on what you've written, and on how the board members actually reacted, you'll likely see that their response was sincere, and that your fears were groundless.
Then use Cognitive Restructuring to counter automatic negative thoughts and feelings. Write down some positive statements or affirmations that neutralize negative self-talk. For example, you could say, "I am a confident, capable professional," or ,"I will be successful because I know what I'm doing."
2. Talk to Others
Reach out and talk to people you trust. You might be surprised by how many of your friends and colleagues can relate to how you feel. Listen to the people you respect in your life and let them show you how your fears are unfounded.
3. Develop a Quick Response Plan
Dealing with Impostor Syndrome takes long-term effort, but sometimes you need tactics to deal with it at particularly stressful moments. When the negative self-talk takes over, try to confront it by distancing yourself from the emotional power of the voice.
Think of yourself in the third person. Instead of thinking, "Why did I do that?" try thinking, "Why did they do that?" This will help you to gain a more objective perspective of the situation, and of your thoughts and feelings.
Counter feelings like, "I'm not good enough," by taking on more risks. This may at first seem counterintuitive, but by taking calculated risks – and succeeding – you can build a case against your inner critic.
4. Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Build up your confidence by becoming more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Conduct a Personal SWOT Analysis to discover what you're best at, and to think about how you can minimize your weaknesses.
Once you have a deeper understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, you won't have to spend so much time worrying that you're not qualified for certain tasks, projects or roles. Develop a support network of people who motivate you and who you can trust to help you counter your negative inner critic.
5. Overcome Perfectionism
Overcome perfectionist habits by taking regular breaks, using relaxation techniques, and focusing on the bigger picture.
Learn how to set yourself realistic, challenging and achievable goals. At the same time, remember that mistakes are a part of life, and that, if you don't hit a particular goal or get something in on time, it's not the end of the world.
In fact, mistakes demonstrate that you're not afraid to take risks and push yourself to try new things. Instead of seeing your mistakes as things to be ashamed of, treat them as learning experiences that will help you to perform even better next time.
You can refer to this:
Although I don’t know my story,
It doesn’t hold me back from trying to achieve glory,
I may not know who I am nor where I am from,
That won’t hold me back from what I am to become,
Dream & Aspire,
Because right now, circumstances are dire,
Chest is on fire
The vision is lit,
Even if you don’t feel yourself to be fit,
Go ahead with that risky hit,
Life comes only once,
So, don’t spend it all in the corner like a dunce
Go get it girl
Though you may not know how to dance,
Still, give it a try and twirl
On your mark, get ready, set and go
Take a chance and advance #Hope #Inspiration #Motivation #passion #dreams #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Anxiety #Depression #insecurity #SelfDoubt #ImposterSyndrome #Confidence #Believe
Sometimes when I’m happy for a while or calmer than usual at least it’s almost like I doubt my anxiety/depression. Like obviously all the hard work I put in as I can I hope will help my recovery and balance/ feel better and calmer as I can / happier but at the same time then all of a sudden you wonder if you’re that depressed or anxious afterall. It’s weird maybe it’s because I’m more used to being on one end than the other sometimes and when it’s on the other extreme of more positivity and good things happening it’s like suddenly all the rest is gone but I’m also waiting until it dies down and I go to my depressed/highly anxious at times self.
It’s weird not sure if anyone gets this with their struggles or diagnosis if you have one /multiple ?
Obviously I know it’s normal we have ups and downs and both are equally valid it’s okay for your physical or emotional pain to not be so extra exaggerated in symptoms or in thoughts at times when you’re doing better, and also fine when you aren’t doing so good, you need to have both. But I guess just something random I’ve noticed recently, not sure if anyone else can relate?
Also totally inappropriate and maybe offensive though I don’t mean to but sometimes I meet new people or friends/ people online I read on as well and if they struggle with mental health they usually have many/multiple disorders, anxiety, adhd, ptsd, bpd, bipolar or at least some or most people maybe nowadays who struggle with mental health have like 2-4 diagnosis or more.
It’s silly and obviously I’m grateful maybe I don’t have as many, and I wish those people well of course wether you have 1 or a million or nothing diagnosed but u know u have it/struggle with it.
But yeah makes me feel like ah somethings wrong with me why I’m not like that too, or like the more you have the better like an ironic proud badge I can handle more struggles and disorders than you! Obviously totally not but I guess your inner critic is like ah
You can barely handle one or two you aren’t putting in enough work or don’t have it that bad compared to those who have like 5 or 6 of physical and or mental health conditions etc.
Anyways totally not true and don’t mean to offend anyone at all, there is no right or wrong just learn to cope and love yourself no matter your struggles it’s not a number how many or how little it’s just taking care of yourself that matters.
But I guess just expressing things I’ve noticed with my inner critic. To see if anyone else has had something similar or even if different perspectives feel free to shar, I appreciate it :)
Imposter Syndrome is the overwhelming feeling that you don't deserve your success. It convinces you that you're not as intelligent, creative or talented as you may seem. It is the suspicion that your achievements are down to luck, good timing or just being in the 'right place at the right time.' And it is accompanied by the fear that, one day, you'll be exposed as a fraud.
The destructive cycle of impostor syndrome is illustrated in the diagram.
-Low self-belief disempowers through self-doubt and low self-esteem which…
-Hits self-confidence causing stress, lack of conviction, and other self-sabotaging behaviors leading to…
-Inauthentic behaviors and subtle body language cues and voice tremors that convey to others the inner turmoil being suffered despite their best efforts to hide it. This drives…
-Uninspiring leadership, low trust, poorer decision-making, procrastination and hesitancy with less gravitas and charisma delivering worse results which are magnified by…
-Self-criticism and conformational bias including self doubts based upon upbringing, gender, age or ethnic/BLM discrimination – that all reinforce the original impostor syndrome belief into an accelerating downward spiral.
You can refer to this:
Based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (American Psychiatric Association, 2013), Impostor Syndrome is not classified as a mental disorder. For this reason, psychologists refer to it as the Impostor Phenomenon (IP). Thus, it is important to destigmatize this phenomenon by not using medicalized language of “syndrome.”
Impostor Phenomenon is a psychological pattern whereby an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a fear of being exposed as a fraud.
This term originated in the gender studies context and was first used by Clance and Imes (1978) in their research on high-achieving women.
Signals of Impostor Phenomenon include:
-A belief that one has fooled others into overrating one’s abilities
-The attribution of personal success to factors other than one’s ability or intelligence, such as luck, misjudgment, charm, networking, presentation skills, or a lowering of standards
-The IP cycle: “Impostors” start tasks with extreme overpreparation, or with initial procrastination followed by frenzied preparation. If the task is achieved successfully, a person with IP would experience a feeling of accomplishment and relief. The new cycle begins once a new achievement task is encountered, and feelings of self-doubt and anxiety recur. The chart below illustrates this cycle.
You can refer to this: