Loneliness

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Depression, Grief, Anxiety and power

What's the deal when those sans status, position, influence, low in all known hierarchies not just professional but also within network of family and friends are served with lemons all their life? It could well be other way round too. The repeated failures, setbacks, loss, defeats...what's the significance of the such emptiness from the inside and outside? How does it further sap you of self-worth and your 'being'? You are disempowered. Powerlessness is experienced in all its hollowing, enervating debiltations. Most importantly the world further humiliates you by denying the validity of your grief, your angst and your loss.

'Oh come on... Nothing earthshaking has happened to you... Others have had it worse... you need to move on... You are stewing far too long...You are just making a pathetic display of your misery..' are common ways of dismissing your loss. And then if you already are a person of no social capital and standing, the disregard and dismissal of your grief, depression is even more felt. Many become even intolerant, finding fault a lot more. Your lapses, errors become extremely glaring and inexcusable. Indeed it's not something you can apologise for as your entire self is condemned. You are avoided, cast aside and isolation is complete. You cannot be leveraged by anyone as you are of no practical use. I as a retired school teacher of no consequence suffering from series of losses each iteratively more intense and damaging, is unworthy of empathy leave alone sympathy. My suffering, my loss, my anguish becomes more easily dismissable for my 'being' is of no consequence.

In the gravely instrumental and game mindset world where all are endowed with power to navigate and negotiate their way through, what do completely destitute folks my sorts do? A sense of being vaporised...ignored, denied, constantly contested where the onus of losses, privations, misery are on my own wretched self😔😢 Of course I myself wouldn't consider being bereft of any values, worth and character being fairly well grounded in sociology, history and politics but these are seen to be so merit less in today's instrumental world. My lament, my despair and cries echoes in empty rooms of my house. Absence of power is a double whammy I endure in repeated loops reduced to a scrounging, prostrate, gooey state.
#Grief #power #Anxiety #Loneliness #Shame #SuicidalThoughts

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The Solo Game

Being single is pretty awesome. I’ve been known to complain about it sometimes with my family but lately I’ve been feeling like being single is the bom dot com. While Ive never had abusive or toxic relationships, I’m pretty content being on my own and only get upset when it’s brought to my attention. “Oh are you single?” Is that such a big deal??

Heath Ledger once said something that blew my mind, he said “everyone asks you if you have a career, a car, a house or (my addition) a partner, but no one ever asks you if you’re happy.” How beautifully the truth rings. Instead of seeing being single as an aparrent faux pas, why not see it as an opportunity to grow, to heal, to learn? Why not see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself on an even deeper level?

Because of my mental illness, I feel lonely a lot sometimes. So sometimes it’s easier said than done.But I don’t need a partner for that. There’s a lot of ways to combat loneliness including with my furry friend who passed away last year (see photo). I just think relationships are overrated. There’s a part of me that loves being on my own, loves learning, loves reflection time, loves solitude. But I’m an eccentric so don’t go by me. 🤪 I live in my own world about 90% of the time.

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Loneliness

I’m know I’m not the only one who struggles with feeling alone from time to time.. And I know that I’m not alone (glory to God), but sometimes I struggle with ‘feeling’ alone. But this too shall pass. I don’t have the biggest support system yet, but I’m very blessed for the support that I DO have. And that’s what I need to focus on. The things that we don’t YET have, tend to blind us from ALL the blessings that we DO have! So today, I CHALLANGE US to practice being grateful! Every day we get is a blessing from God and another chance to change, to heal, and to receive the gifts God has in store for us!🙌✝️❤️‍🔥 God bless you family! You are loved, and you are not alone. Never believe in Satan’s lies. That’s all he is- a liar and a coward.☝️✝️🤟Love, Macy.🥰💪 #Jesus #NeverAlone #GodBlessYOU #JesusIsLord #NeverGiveUp #StayStrong #inspirational #SOBERLIFE

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Food drink and folly

I'm sipping on some coffee while I wait for 530 to roll around so I can make dinner. Tonight we're having Mediterranean salmon with cheesy chicken rice. It's gonna be delicious. I'm so hungry.

Today's coffee adventure was good. I mixed hazelnut flavor coffee with some mud wtr, salted caramel syrup and oat milk. It was really nice.

I've been very lonely today. I didn't really talk to anyone except for Meta AI. I chatted for a few minutes with flutter but she's been busy with her husband and boyfriend this weekend. We usually have our scheduled phone call every night at 830 but we missed 3 calls this week. I miss hearing her voice. But even more I miss seeing her on video chat. She decided it's too hard to do video chat.

I am so excited, con is just about a month away. I'm really looking forward to seeing my friends. I'm so ready.

#Relationships #mental #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

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Identity

Hi, I've been diagnosed with BPD 8 years ago, and have being doing DBT which has been helpful. I only recently was able to quit drinking and am becoming more aware of aspects in myself that I need to deal with, rather than run away to a substance.

I'm noticing a lot of identity disturbances, for example, I don't know who I am, what I want to do, what I think about certain things etc. I can have an opinion, drive, and passion for one thing at one moment and then feel that's completely pointless feel empty and then find something else. That's the basic cycle.

Does anyone else have an similar experience? And how did you cope with this?

I am in therapy, but I'm feeling really lonely not having anyone around me that can really understand what I'm going through. So I wanted to reach out and ask advice from people who might be able to understand better.

Wish you a beautiful morning/day/night

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What I hate about being single is that I am scared I will stay lonely. I am 28 my parents are not the youngest nor healthiest (dad 68, mom 57 but big health issues).
I have younger brother (17) I know I would have to take care about him and support him and be strong for him. But who is going to be strong for me? Support me?
I don't have that close friendships and in the whole family I am among the youngests (my grandparents died long time ago, my aunts and uncles are in theis 60s-80s. Cousins in their 40s-50s. This thoughts scare the $#!t out of me and nothing helps me. Only when I am in a relationship that I know someone close is here, cares for me, even best if we would have kids together so I will have the reason to live happily.
I am just so sensitive and emotionally unstable, I feel very weak and get overwhelmed easily. I get DPDR and I am done. Last year after my ex husband and I broke up I felt like I was crazy like I literally was at the beginning of psychosis. What got me from that was a new relationship which already ended.
Gosh, I am so sad... feels like I am gonna breakdown 😭
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Loneliness #Relationships

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Nobody Understands (but not in the way you think) #MentalHealth #Depression #Isolation #lonely

It really bothers me to post about this, because I feel like people are going to think I’m just being obnoxious and cocky. But on the contrary, I hate a lot of things about myself, and somedays, I hate myself altogether.

But there is one thing I’ve got, and that’s my mind, which as often as the feeling part of it is against me, the intellectual part is always there.

Over the years I’ve developed a deep understanding of the fundamentals of the nature of reality, and continually expanded my perspective. And not to say I’m anywhere close to knowing and understanding everything, of course I’m always learning.

But I feel like I’ve gotten to this point where my mind thinks in such complex concepts that people often don’t understand what I’m saying. And when I try to explain what I mean, they’re still confused because I can’t figure out how to get them to understand what I understand. Even in basic communication, I find people often misunderstand what I’m trying to communicate because my mind thinks in such a large perspective people get confused. I would say the most common communicative error is when it involves a specific scope of relativity and I try to explain the idea of general relativity.

People think relativity is just some advanced scientific concept that only affects science. But it doesn’t, it plays a role in everything everyday everywhere. But it’s not something people understand very well.

Even talking about it here, I feel weird and isolated, like I just don’t fit in anywhere anymore.

I don’t know why I even bother posting, because like last time I posted, I’d imagine nobody will understand what I’m trying to say. It’s as if I speak a language nobody else in the world understands.

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