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Ode To My Grandfather #Old #MentalHealth #Dementia #BasalCellCarcinoma #ADHD

My Grandfather was born in New Brunswick Canada in 1924 of Irish/Scottish/English heritage. He will turn 100 years old in November.
My Grandfather is the sweetest man I have ever known. Selfless, giving, caring of others…a gentle and quiet spirit.
I saw him yesterday at his retirement home. He lived with us until the age of 97 and was in decent health…although he has had basal cell carcinoma on his head and nose from the year I was born (for 35 years.)
A bout of pancreatitis sent him to the hospital and his health (and mind) rapidly declined in 2022.
Now, he is bedridden and almost deaf…his skin cancer has become severe and he seems to have dementia although he has not been diagnosed.
I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, being 100 is not the pretty picture you see in the news. It’s ugly and sad…and if I think too long on it I get depressed because this fate has come to the most honourable of men. My Papa did not deserve this.

Let me tell you who he used to be:
A young man married with 2 children. The eldest a boy and a girl (who is my Mom.) He worked as a repairman at GM and stayed there 30 odd years retiring early due to his wife’s health. My Nana had Addison’s disease since her 30’s.
During all of this he diligently served his local Adventist Church as head elder for many years.
His hobbies included leather work/stained glass and gardening. Despite the fact that he suffered from digital tremor for much of his senior life.
He was the male influence in my life as my own father was largely absent. Even to this day in his confused state he tells my Mom that his “daughter” came to visit…while asking me who my Mom is. He has never once seen my face and not known me…

I love my Papa! If sanctification can be seen completed in the character of a human being it would be seen in him. The lovely character of Christ still shines even through all of his pain and all the deaths of loved ones including his own son…in his confusion he is as sweet and as polite as he’s always been. Never a vulgar or harsh word spoken.
He was and is my inspiration to continue in the faith…no we are never perfect in this life but we can try our hardest to live a good Christian one.

I wrote this because I don’t want the world to forget my Papa. Yes, he was/is your ordinary hard working man…but he was/is extraordinary to me.

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I'm Lost Today

Good day all. I'm wondering if you can identify. I feel lost today. I'm not quite sure who I am, how much more pain can I take, what's life going to be in 3 years or 5 years, why bother with all the self-care, why tolerate people who just can't understand, why do the cleaning, why bother with many doctor visits and tests, why, why, why bother? I am living to survive and surviving to live. I just don't know why today. I'm sure many of you have had this experience but I'd like to actually hear from someone. Have a great rest of your day. #BackPain #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #IBS#IBS #Anxiety #long haul constant pain #Tremor #Fibromyalgia

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To RISK OR NOT? sacredsavage @ The Mighty

#CheckInWithMe #Blindness #Depression #Anxiety #Diabetes #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #ted # #heart Disease #Essential Tremor #Migraine #Abuse Surthrivor

Risks are daily opportunities. Were the only species able to contemplate and analyze choices, including to do nothing, when presented with a choice. I have built my life on taking many giant, some life- changing risks, and countless smaller ones, all with the goal of improving my circumstances and health. Because I began with nothing but terror, isolation, no doctors, even authorities turned away.
Beginning medication for my mental health was one of the most frightening risks I ever took, and one of my very best choices. It took awhile to get it right, which I now know is not uncommon.
What risk do you now face, what will be the consequences you consider? And is doing nothing your best option?

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is PinkGannet46737. I'm here because I am looking for advice on how not to become overwhelmed with multiple chronic illnesses. Four years ago I was first diagnosed with Sjorgens disease. A few months later also with small vessel vasculities. Now I also have POTS and possibly Rheumatoid Arthritis, but that is not 100% certain yet. I have a tremor, numbness in my legs and lower arms, lots of joint pain , headaches, overwhelming fatigue, gastro intestinal issues mostly nausea and stomach pain, and constant anxiety. I am on Prednisone, Leflunomide, Plaquenil and Methotrexate. POTS symptoms are very severe , some days I can't get up at all, on other days it's noticeable, but not so severe that I can't do anything. I am constantly vigilant for any new symptoms, and I am worried how much worse things will get and what to do about it? The anxiety and worry keeps me up at night and I am stressed out about all of it. For any advise I would be grateful. Thanks to everyone who might read this.


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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Jul608. I'm here because I want to have community and share. I have just been diagnosed with Parkinson’s or possibly Multiple Systems Atrophy and would like support with that as well. I have a bad hand tremor, am taking weekly shots for Behcet’s, am older lady trying to deal with multiple health problems with children but no spouse. I am very grateful for my adult children’s support through this. But I know they are frightened as MSA is a fatal disease. Some of my children have bad mental health illnesses so I don’t want to scare them. I try not to think about it being MSA. The only way I will know if I have MSA is if I have the symptoms or An MRI next year. And I have to deal with keeping my Behcet’s under control too. If I get too stressed I get a flare. I do meditate every night. That helps! I do yoga when I can. But I wish I knew what I am dealing with!


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#Myoclonic jerks and #Essential tremor after minimal physical exertion

Hey all

My Myoclonic jerks started around 12-13, of course I just called them twitches until I know what Myoclonic jerks are

I'm currently 28 and the Myoclonic jerks are progressively becoming more frequent with some being a little more intense than others. I cannot do really any task without a jerk happening. I can have like 4-10 in the space of a minute

The essential tremor is relatively new, only the past 5 years but has significantly got worse. If I am standing for more than 5 minutes or maybe Its a hot day and I am attempting chores, my entire body will be shaking

I had an MRI a few years back with nothing showing apparently but I don't have a Neurology appointment until April 2024 and because I'm undiagnosed I never know where to turn

I have various other health issues too including craniosynostosis and a cervical spine issue also undiagnosed

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Post procedure mess

I had an exploratory procedure on my bladder under general anaesthetic on Tuesday. It seems they didn’t find anything untoward, which is good, but I’m still left with challenges that have no answers as yet.

The other problem from the procedure is that they had to intubate me during it due to really bad acid reflux. They also gave me a drug to completely dry out my saliva which meant I could barely chew or swallow anything for the first 24 hours. It seems that they very very slightly chipped a tooth too.

It has also messed me up quite a bit & inflamed things in my throat and oesophagus. To my body, the intubation was a trauma. 48 hours later & the acid is quite bad & Ive got quite a lot of discomfort in my throat & chest & swallowing is not quite right. It’s actually pretty uncomfortable to swallow. I really hope it calms down because it’s quite distressing & fatiguing (I have fibromyalgia & M.E. amongst other things, so my body is probably responding a little bit more acutely). It’s triggering a lot of anxiety because I had a massive massive flair like this coupled with jackhammer spasms and a tremor all the way down my oesophagus for months during the lockdown in 2020. It’s not quite that bad, but there is a lot of apprehension that it could go that way. I was in such a terrible state then crying on the floor in agony & in and out of the emergency room, having to have IV paracetamol (they wouldn’t give anything stronger - mainly due to contraindications with other health problems of mine).

Over the last 2 to 3 years I was on medication for the reflux (but eventually weaned off due to worries about B12 deficiency) and a special diet which did help calm everything down. I gradually went back to eating more as I was before, but have greatly reduced a lot of triggering foods. I’m just really tired out and upset that this has all flared up. I have a follow-up in about 4 to 6 weeks regarding the procedure and my condition and I’m uncertain what the next steps might be.

This is all on top of lots of other medical and neurological things that I’m needing to deal with. I’m not even quite sure my partner quite understands the nuance & multiple layers that I’m having to manage in my life as a “spoonie” and a neurodivergent mum parenting neurodivergent young adults and how fatigued it all makes me on so many levels. I’ve been burnt out for the last few years due to a huge life change and this all adds another notch up.

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My Demons

Part 1 of 2 It was a summer day on a Saturday morning and my family, and I were going to spend the night at freeport beach. We showed up at the beach early that afternoon we had a fun time the first day going deep in the water of the beach and playing in the waves. It was nighttime and I asked my dad “Hey Dad do you want to walk the shoreline with me and check out the beach at night.”

My Sister said, “I will go with you, Sean.”

So, my sister and I walked down to the beach, and we made it to the shoreline from the beach house. We started walking down the shore and as we were walking, I looked about twenty to thirty yards in front of me and I thought I saw a figure in a dark robe I asked my sister “Do you see that?” Scaring me half to death.

Sensing my fear my sister said, “yeah I see it.”

I’m not sure if she saw it or not but we both ran and didn’t look back. When we go back to the beach house; I saw the figure again staring at me in a dark robe while sitting on the picnic bench underneath the beach house. My sister said, “I’m going to go back up”

I said “ok”.

So, she went up the stairs and I stayed in the downstairs area and the figure spoke and said, “Hello Sean my name is Athos.”

I heard him say it clearly, I have never seen something or ever heard anything more terrifying in my life. At first, I said ok that was weird and kind of brushed it off and walked upstairs to the beach house. We were on our way back home from the beach the next day we all had a wonderful time. Except for the fact that I saw and heard a voice talk to me, but it was whatever.

Soon when we arrived home it was nighttime, and I was sitting down on the stairs on the back patio when I heard a voice say “Hello Sean” I turned and looked next to me, and it was Athos from the beach.

Him saying “I want to teach you something.”

Me responding to his statement I said, “What do you mean what do you want to teach me?”

Then all the sudden the patio table shaked I would’ve never thought it was possible to shake a table I was like did I really see that questioning to myself.

He said “It’s easy just look at the table hold your hand out and say shake. So, I held out my hand focusing hard on the table I whispered “shake.” I wasn’t sure but I could’ve sworn I saw the table tremor just a bit. I was blown away questioning was that real. Ever since then I have had him talk to me in my mind sometimes saying good things and even bad things but truly, I believed that all he really wanted was a friend. So, he was kind of like my imaginary friend for a little while. He showed me all kinds of things like showing me how to make things shake which made objects appear to tremor and many other things.

Then I went to my moms and the symptoms became violent. I was hearing voices all the time and a lot of voices were negative. There was one night when I heard a voice in a deep grungy voice talking to me that said “BOO!!!” It scared me so bad I tried hiding under the sheets and I spoke and said “who are you”

The voice answered “I am Satan”

I was so scared I was thinking great the devil is in my house then I peered out from under the sheets, and I saw him standing in front of me he was a tall muscular figure with red skin and horns. He kept telling me negative things saying to hurt people or kill people I tried not to listen to him. In my head I was seeing images of my family getting hurt by this person and sometimes seeing me hurt my loved ones as well and I said to myself I must do something So, in a panic, I went downstairs to tell my mom about what happened

She said, “Seriously Sean.”

I Said “Yes Mom I am so scared.

Her realizing how scared I was saying “Don’t worry we will get you help.”

Then Months went by with those crazy thoughts and finally, my mom said, “We found you a place to go to help you with your crazy thoughts and voices.” So Super nervous I went to a mental hospital. I was only 15 and there were a bunch of adults in there that were just crazy, and the voices and illusions didn’t help either. Then there was a certain voice in my head, and it was Athos and he said “So you finally decided to get help did you” I said yes in my head so people wouldn’t think I was crazy.

I asked him “Was this a good idea”

Him in a reassuring voice said “Who knows only time will tell.

Then they called for me in the conference room and they were asking me all sorts of questions like what do the voices say to you I told them I see things and hear things that aren’t their voices telling me good things and bad things about what I should and shouldn’t do. Also, I hear the voices of people that I talk to in a conversation, and sometimes as I’m talking to them, they would say exactly what I was thinking they would say in a conversation. So, after that, they told me they would have to do so


I don't know how much more I can endure.

I can't seem to find a way out of this dark hole that keep pulling me down.

My relationship of 9 years ended with him cheating and moving on with someone 10 years younger. That alone was devastating. On the 9 year anniversary, my mom came over to tell us she decided to have all life sustaining medications stopped for my stepdad, who was an amazing man and wasn't ready to go, but she chose that rather than have him come home and have to take care of him. She waited 24 hours to tell us, so by the time we got to the hospital to try and reverse anything, they already had him off his anti rejection meds and on morphine, and couldn't have signed power of attorney over. Tomorrow is his funeral.

My ex, who hasn't talked to me since May text Tuesday about wanting to come over and get some things. There's nothing here left of value, and it really just hurt more than anything to be bothered.

Yesterday I found out my company may go on strike Monday, and I might be out of a job. Due to my POTS, EDS, depression and anxiety, I have no idea how I'm going to find another job if that happens. I'm starting to tremor worse as it is and am having issues typing.

I'm worn out. I feel like it's been one hit after another. I have no one to turn to other than my children because the family is fighting over the death, my ex is a jerk, and I don't get out much because of my illness. I don't know how much longer I can sustain like this.

#PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Grief

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Someone special maybe in the future

To the woman that could be my life partner,

I want to apologize. My life traumas, PTSD, bullying and parental absence has left me terrorized to approach anyone, even to say hello, much less ask anyone out to enjoy an event.

I have low self-esteem that constantly tells me you couldn’t be interested in me. And that low self-esteem would annoy you because I would always be afraid to be my true self around you.

My traumas have reinforced my low self-esteem. Bullies left me always second guessing my worth, and doubting that anyone could want to be my friend, much less than a life partner. My parental absence for the majority of my life has left me seeing the world like this: If I wasn’t good enough for my parents then how can I be good enough for anyone else. Much of my parental abandonment has been healed because I reached out to my mom and had her kick the Benzos that were causing her to sleep all day and basically ignore me for more than a decade as I was growing up.

My depression started at age 7 and has never gone away. Medicines help treat the symptoms but the depression and constant negative self-talk reinforce my low self-esteem. I have always wondered how someone could be friends with me. My depression and anxiety cause me to cancel plans at the last minute because I am terrified of disappointing the people I am joining. Even going somewhere alone left me scared. Sometimes I could face my fears and often my fears were reinforced. I shop at night because I have less of a chance to see people and fewer people. Crowds of more than 5-10 people leave me extremely uncomfortable sometimes to the point of having to leave to quell my anxiety.

My PTSD is due to the number of unresolved traumatic events along with my decision to go numb and stuff my emotions for more than 25 years. I broke with reality. I started believing the negative self-talk. I developed a tremor in my right hand that serves as an anxiety/stress barometer even to this day. My right-hand shakes unrelentingly when I am under stress.

I continue to work on resolving my low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I see some hope that I will live a full life and feel good someday. Perhaps you will still be there and find me then.

Perhaps someday I will be able to show someone who I am. Until then I will continue to wear my public fake happy face.

I remain hopeful and yet guarded.

#PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #Bullying #Hope

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