I dont know if its all the pain Im going through but im missing my mom (passed away from stage 4 liver and lung cancer 2014) so much. Still cant believe she is gone.
I’m not going to lie. The last few years have been pretty tough. I’m wondering whether others can relate and have any tips.
I am starting to feel like I’m running out of options and am a bit overwhelmed and a little scared. I am suffering derealisation and am having extreme trouble focusing and being consistent.
I started getting answers about my mental health a bit more than 10 years ago. A drug I took to stop smoking cigarettes precipitated a hypomanic episode which landed me in with a psychiatrist. After many sessions I left with a diagnosis of CPTSD and BPD ‘traits’. The diagnosis helped me make sense of my whole life.
I have luckily been relatively high-performing, and so I continued on with a stressful career in public relations - so many short term jobs where I valued and then devalued people before moving on. In hindsight I can see this career choice was the worst I could have made as it is triggering and completely exhausting. Why did I choose such a difficult career! (Probably prestige and no help from my alcoholic narcissistic parents).
Just before the COVID pandemic I broke up with my partner, then went through lockdowns, and then when things seemed to start becoming stable, I suddenly became the primary carer for my older brother who spent 16 months declining with lung cancer before he passed away. I was the only person in the family prepared to help like this. My caring role was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it raised every conceivable triggering issue I have with my family and my parents.
When my brother passed I took some solo travel in the US and Europe and had a great time (though I did meet a vulnerable narcissist which was not so good). Here is a photo I took in Venice - such a pretty place!
So now I’m back in my home country, 50, unemployed, struggling to even think of work and feeling more exhausted than I’ve ever felt before.
I’d be interested in how others navigate complex life situations.
I did book a session with a psychiatrist but not much else planned.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my Ted Talk. I hope others are doing better :-) #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD
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I’m struggling with finding a balance so that I can go out and be with friends and family. I so often am
feeling like I can’t keep up or just not fun to be with. Being diagnosed and on medication for lung cancer the side effects keep knocking me down & I’m #fomo with having so many other illnesses #Fibromyalgia #Osteoarthritis #LungCancer #ChronicPain #lumbarspinepain #severefatique
#ics #bps #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS
My mom passed after about 2 year battle I took care of her till the end. My heart is broken my best friend and wonderful mother is not here anymore. My question that I can't stop asking is where is she? Where did this majestic soul go? Did God need her more than us??? I miss her so much it. Hurts...why does this happen to good people? I am broken now...my daughter is broken and my mom is gone 😢😢☹️