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    Are you Dis-abled? Are you Handicapped? How do you see yourself? How do you think others see you? How do you wish they would see you?

    I often think about how I see my situation, how to label myself…am I handicapped? Am I disabled? and what the reality is. To be honest I often worry about how others see me too. It takes a lot to process my limitations and how much my life is affected by my plethora of health challenges…

    …on any given day: I may have my feet & legs burning in pain due to the Neuropathy I got from my first HIV drugs; I may need to be in the dark with no sound due to an unrelenting migraine; I may stumble putting on my clothes or fall getting up out of a sofa due to my balance problems; I may drop food on the floor from a shaking fork due to my essential tremors; I may not be able to hear someone unless they are close and facing me … even with my hearing aids on; I may only see blurry images and words without may glasses on; I may find it very uncomfortable to sit in a normal chair due to pain from my back problems; I may get lost searching for words numerous times in a discussion due to brainfog; I may have to refer back to get spelling of a word, going back and forth writing every syllable due to my memory problems; I may be deeply depressed or have exaggerated feelings in what I call my Bipolar Brain; I may get incredibly nervous before being around other people due to my anxiety; I may find myself feeling the pull of my addiction.

    Whether it’s one of my multiple physical health problems and/or one of mental health struggles, they are all just part of my daily challenges. So have I “earned” the ability to park in a handicap parking spot? What do I think? Does it bother me when people stare? I have learned I have to do whatever it takes to take care of myself. I have learned to not worry what other people think. It might be a day dealing with one of my “invisible illnesses” or things I am struggling with inside. I look just fine on the outside with what you can see. (except when I’m walking with my trekking poles so I don’t fall), I may be dealing with challenges that they can’t see, can't be seen, and things they can’t even be aware of.

    So it's hard for others to know what it's like for me to live with such challenges! Because I am embarrassed and hide them so nobody can know about them, nobody can judge me because of them … but then nobody can understand, nobody can love and support me. I hide them all alone and it’s a very heavy load to carry!


    I just spent a whole weekend with my friends on vacation. They were kind and concerned and often offered a hand or reached out to help me …but I declined…

    ,.. because I have got to practice. I have got to be able to get myself off the floor if I fall when I am home alone. But I think it is also because having them support or assist me means I am unable to take care of my challenges myself, unable to do so because I’m dis-abled! A tough label to own and accept!

    #MentalHealth #Disability #Depression #Anxiety #Migraines #COVID19 #BipolarDisorder #RareDisease #MightyTogether #BipolarDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #TheMighty #mighty #Selfcare #Selflove #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #PTSD #HIVAIDS #BackPain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #MemoryLoss #ParkinsonsDisease #Tremors #balance #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #DistractMe #PeripheralNeuropathy

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    Friends, I am thankful to be here now, with all of you, and your presence is a blessing in my life as the leaves change and the nights get cool. Enjoy

    Autumn Equinox, the 3rd harvest, balance, gratitude and preparation. This is a time to prepare to turn inward, to look at what we have harvested this year, to be thankful that we have enough for ourselves and enough to share with our loved ones.

    This is the time when we let go, like the autumn leaves. We release all that no longer serves the highest good, and that which is in the way of our soul's purpose. We choose what to keep and what to let go of. Our inner cycles are a mirror of the cycles of nature.

    Rabbi and writer Harold Kushner in The Lord Is My Shepherd suggests that when we contemplate fall's changes, we grow more appreciative of all the beauties that surround us. He writes: The poet Wallace Stevens once wrote, 'Death is the mother of beauty.' What those words say to me is that we cherish the beauty of a sunrise, of a New England autumn, time with family, a relationship, of a child's hug, precisely because those things will not be around forever, and neither will we be around to enjoy them.

    This is the anniversary of my Dad’s passing and I rejoice in his spirit and memories of our times together. I send you blessings for peace, prosperity and good health!

    #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Selflove #Selfcare #Disability #PTSD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RareDisease #COVID19 #Migraine #balance #ParkinsonsDisease #BrainFog #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #DistractMe #Hope #happy #Joy #Hugs #TheMighty #MightyTogether

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    Getting out of my own way takes practice.😉

    #balance #peace #Selflessness #Joy

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    It makes sense!

    Almost everyday I have trouble sleeping unless I take a medicine for #Insomnia . Trying to find the #balance has really been a struggle. There are times where I do not want to go to sleep at night because I feel like sleeping is wasting precious awake time of life. Then there are times where all I would want to do is just #Sleep . I feel bad sometimes...

    I miss my Dad a whole lot. Him not being here has been very difficult. Therefore this picture makes me laugh, but it also kind of makes me think deeply about the nights where I struggle to sleep and the mornings that I struggle to wake up. Then there are times where I struggle just to make it through the day. However, I think that I am doing much better than I was before.

    I lost my job when I became physically ill with the flu on the 14th of April. I am currently looking for another job and I have had two interviews, and one more tomorrow to attend. I am hoping that this will be the right fit. Maybe I can sleep much better at night once I have something else other than the 4 walls, waking up and coughing, and then occasionally crying at night unable to sleep.

    #Findingjoy #Depression #BipolarDisorder #ANewDay


    #AllNight My Mind Wanders

    At night, I get such horrible anxiety. I think most of us in this forum do have this same problem. I wondered if it was because during the day, we are so focused on things going on around us, and then once the day is over... the mind is still running.

    Sometimes we come to a point or realization that the world is full of a mix of pleasure and pain. Yet, we mostly only hear about the painful things and not so much about the pleasurable things. We see more news about people dying, than we do about people being born.

    #DeathAnxiety is not something that will go away. Even with therapy, the body still has these issues at night with the mind battle. I have to focus on the bed, the sheets, the blankets. #Mindfulness

    It is very difficult for me to shut myself down, especially being a person who has #BipolarDepression and #Anxiety disorder.

    I have worked hard to get to where I am right now in life, but thinking about my Dad's health right now (new diagnosis of Liver cancer) has not been letting me have a peace of mind.

    As a Christian, I pray. I have to empty my mind from it's thoughts and allow myself just to melt into the bed. However, it is almost like having a full time job to try to go to sleep. I have this whole routine just to try to make myself in the proper place to sleep with ease.

    Drinking tea, a hot bath, lavender spray and lotion, all these things help but it does not always make things perfect. Sometimes over the counter medicines help on the nights where it is really bad. #Unisom Hangovers are horrible. I do not always like taking over the counter medicines, but sometimes it helps.

    I think you just have to write your journal, talk with a friend, watch a boring movie, and focus on something positive.. but then sometimes the waterworks happen. It is all about having a #balance .

    I hope that if you made it this far in this message, that I have made it a little easier for you to sleep. A big hug from me to you.

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    Rest When Weary

    So much time spent balancing the need to rest and the press to be and do. I find my need to take a break, retreat and just feel safe and warm in my own bubble has increased. So much to process and keep hearing the chants of fellow warriors. For me, Clean sheets and soft pjs with my fav blanket is the best feeling and i retreat when needed into this safe zone. #rest #superherowarriorsneedresttoo



    wat do I do wen
    my balance gets on my one last nerve?



    Finding the right tone is extremely weird. When I am in a certain environment or have a particular position/ station in life I tend to commit to it. Those not familiar with that side of me may view my behavior as different when I am in those spots. Easily, misplaced and used, I can become a "manager" instead of a friend. The intention is pure and good...but my rhythm is off. Find your voice, tone, and intention. Also, sometimes you just have to not give a hoot. Just let "it"pass.