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I talked to myself many times, and yes, I answered to myself. I wonder how many of you have conversations with yourself. No doubt I feel lonely and isolated many times, and I wonder if will find MY PERSON one day.


I LAUGH A LOT! And I like that about myself because I have fun with myself, I AM PROUD OF MYSELF, because I have managed to find wonderful coping skills to survive, and so, YES, I tell myself, I LOVE YOU!

NO DOUBT, I'm imperfect, full of asterisks, commas, exclamation points, and yes, question marks, but....with my rambling I SEE MY SHINING, MY CONNECTION TO ALL THAT IT IS, MY HELPING MANY PEOPLE AROUND ME.

I don't have to ask if I have made a difference in this world, I KNOW IT. Is this pretentious? Is this crazy? Is this WEIRD?


I know you are there, I have my open arms willing to hug you, and my eyes sparkle connecting with my SPECIAL YOU, and with all of you. Simply, I AM ALIVE!


Maybe I am a WEIRD SURVIVOR, #survivingstill

AM I WEIRD? FEEL ME! because I am willing, to be the supporting EQUAL SIGN, that knows it will never be EQUAL because we'll be changing every day, but SO willing to LEARN each day.


Because somehow, I AM HERE, even in my dreams. My subconscious lives with the second-by-second fight or fly, while my consciousness knows: THE RIVER OF LIFE is rocks, fish, water, atoms, energy, and dirt.....WE, THEY, US, YOU, and Me.


#Survivors #Anxiety #PTSD #againstageism #stopthehate #Hope #MentalHealth #saludmental #pandemia #Cancer #Sepsis #balance #Love

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What helps you balance between being positive and accepting/ validating your feelings and thoughts 💭

Finding a balance between being positive and also accepting your sometimes negative feelings or thoughts that aren’t always so happy and dandy.

Both are equally valuable, but I guess what helps you to be self-aware or manage them so it’s not one more than the other? When possible.

#Positivity #negativity #balance #mind #growing #norightorwrong #Anxiety #Depression #struggles #managing

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The article below is full of great ideas on how to find a good new doctor…please add your own experiences, tips and suggestions

Great article that talks about the importance of good bedside manner, doctors that listen, checking your insurance at the start of your search, asking good questions and do your homework of course! It has lots of good ideas especially at the end under “Finding a good fit”…like…

“…During that first visit, think about how the doctor and office staff make you feel, HHS advises. If the doctor doesn’t make you feel comfortable, show respect for what you have to say, know your medical history, and spend enough time with you, then they might not be the one for you.”

Castle Connolly Survey Asks What Patients Want Most From Their Doctors

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #PTSD #Selflove #Selfcare #ChronicIlless #ChronicPain #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #PeripheralNeuropathy #Concussion #BrainFog #ParkinsonsDisease #balance #EssentialTremors #Memory #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #ADHD #RareDisease #ChronicFatigue #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #Faith #FuriouslyHappy #Belief #Love #help #GettingHelp #InsideTheMighty #TheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

Castle Connolly Survey Asks What Patients Want Most From Their Doctors

Finding a doctor seems to be harder than ever, but it’s still a top priority for the majority of people, according to a recent survey.
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Concussion, Migraines, major Balance issues, Parkinson’s, tremors, Neuropathy, shoulder/neck pain, back pain, brain fog, poor memory, and no appetite.

(PART ONE) Please send me prayers, good vibes, healing energy and keep me in your thoughts. It would really be appreciated. It is very hard for me to ask for help…but bedrudgundly I have been parking in handicap parking spaces and recently began using a walker. To be honest I’ve had to! I had four falls at the end of December and I am constantly catching myself from falling over and having to regain my balance and re-direct myself. It is very challenging in my apartment where I have no support and very often find myself leaning against walls and always being very conscious to make slow turns part by part like a clock, and get up from a sitting position very carefully the special way I was taught.

Just this past February I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s with Essential Tremors and balance problems, and had to stop a med I took before bed for over 10 years that may have been causing it and then without it I didn’t get a good night’s sleep for over a month and woke up 3-4 times every night.

Two and a half months ago I had a bad fall at my mom’s, scared her half to death and injured my neck and shoulder. I had just started PT for that when I had another big fall … hard, and my head snapped back as I hit the ground. Later that week I was diagnosed with a concussion and I have seen 5 doctors and had about 10 appointments so far since then and been to a concussion clinic. Then I saw another Neurologist and he confirmed what another said…that my symptoms from my concussion likely will last up to 6 months!!! Thankfully it’s already been 6 weeks but there is 4.5 months ahead. But he was optimistic about the progression I’ve had and said I am on the Path to Recovery! But it sure is a rocky path!

Other symptoms I have had are really bad brain fog and memory issues which have left me having to stop and take a long break to find the right words or even remember where I am in a conversation, and having to look up the spelling or meaning of simple words. These two things are very scary and embarrassing…(please continue to Part Two below)

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #Selflove #Selfcare #Concussion #balance #ParkinsonsDisease #EssentialTremor #PTSD #COVID19 #Migraine #MigraineBrainFog #Memory #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #ADHD #TheMighty #MightyMinute #MightyMoment #MightyTogether #DistractMe #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #relief #Love #PeripheralNeuropathy

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Concussion, Migraines, major Balance issues, Parkinson’s, tremors, Neuropathy, shoulder/neck pain, back pain, brain fog, poor memory, and no appetite.

(PART TWO - please read Part One above first)

…and the Neuropathy and Migraines I already had have gotten much worse. I had started a new daily med for my migraines and I was having much fewer and less intense ones whenever I did have one. But since the concussion I went from only 4 a month back to 12 migraine days in December. They can really hijack a whole day from when I wake up til bedtime, with bad light and sound sensitivity leaving me in the dark with no sound and very sensitive to movement. I have had Neuropathy since I first started my HIV cocktail in 1999 but it had gone from being bedridden to manageable. Since the concussion I have struggled even before I got out of bed, and I also have no appetite at all. I was about 205 before when I got Covid two years ago but weighed in at 192 when I got out of the hospital and rehab where I did PT and OT but I just weighed in at 178. This is too much weight loss!

This week I started PT for movement /balance and will do so 2x/wk for 8 weeks plus OT. I have been doing the exercise I was given so far 3x/day. (Please see the Update at the bottom about a new fall recently that was probably another concussion). And with the newest med I’m on I have gotten some good night's sleep. Every 2-3 nights but still some are better than none. I use a walker everywhere I go for necessary support and have started drinking two Ensure drinks a day to get protein I need with limited eating.

I definitely am not a patient person but this 6 month scenario has me putting up with challenges for 4.5 months more and adapting to my limitations. When it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s really helpful that I have had serious pain and lived with other limitations much of my life, so sadly it’s not unfamiliar ground and I just hang on. I enjoyed watching football this weekend while stuck in my lazyboy recliner like usual and tomorrow I will park in a handicap parking spot and use my walker to get to yet another appointment. I try not to dwell on the limitations instead I choose to remember I am on a Path to Recovery and I won’t be like this forever.

UPDATE: Sadly, I was going to post this 3 days ago, but just fell again and face-planted and hit my head very hard. I have a gash under my eye in the shape of my glasses which rammed into my face. I cut my lip pretty badly and both places are very swollen and bruised including a nasty black eye. Just the week before my Neurologist was so happy to see I was using a walker because he said “I’m glad you’re using it because the last thing we want is for you to get another concussion” I fear (and feel) that is what I just did!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Concussion #ParkinsonsDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #Limitations #Selflove #Selfcare #COVID19 #Migraine #PeripheralNeuropathy #HIVAIDS #PTSD
#BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ADHD #Tremors #balance #fall #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MightyMinute #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #Love #Belief #happy #DistractMe #BrainFog #Memory

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Balancing The Scale: From The Shackles Of Burden To The Freedom Of Release

We all know it. Elegant, seemingly simplistic yet deeply complex and controlled. Its ability to balance tremendous weight and withstand pressure is unlike any other. What is it that makes the scale of justice so potent, so powerful?

The truth lies in its literal and metaphorical relatability. Like the scale of justice, I have been given the extraordinary power of carrying the weight, energy, and burdens of others. I’ve spent years cowering in fear of this gift, completely misunderstanding its magnitude. I have been able to use this gift, share it with others, and carry them during times of their most dire need. The power, grace, and level-headedness I’m able to display during times of crisis are some of my specialties. Think- extreme financial hardship, estate planning, divorce, chronic illness, and death of loved ones.

My scale of justice is constructed differently than others. Foundationally, I am built to withstand an inordinate amount of pressure. I am able to find purpose, and meaning and create balance while upholding the mass that is and has been a life of heavy and traumatic moments. It is with this gift that I am able to provide a sanctuary for others. When they must be held or carried because their burdens have become so great, I am there instantly to shoulder that load. My scale then tips in one direction and is left strained, suspended to hover above the ground. It isn’t the enormity of the weight or choice to hold it in the first place.

It is, however, time under tension and the lack of understanding of how to release those burdens and rebalance the scale that has made this gift so debilitating.

When the friend, colleague, or loved one is ready to be ‘put down’ and walk on their own again, they are eager, grateful, and determined to forge a new path on the other side of their grief. They’re able to express their gratitude in such a way that doesn’t just show me I’ve changed their lives but draws me in to feel their release from the bonds of their trauma. Even with quaking legs, they’re ready to move forward. Their scales of justice are reset and they are free once again to move about their lives. I, however, am left under tension; worn and depleted like an overstretched bungee cord.

Sure, my loved one has moved on. Their burdens have been lifted and therefore I should be able to release the weight too. It is here, in these moments, that my gift became unbearable. I did not know how to counterbalance my own scale. I wasn’t able to relinquish the burden of their loads and slowly one side of my scale stretched further and further toward the ground.

Years upon years of trauma, tragedy, and heartache had piled up. I knew I was strong. I knew I was gifted, lucky. I shouldn’t complain. My feelings couldn’t possibly matter because I had witnessed what true struggle was through the eyes of my family and friends. Not only did I completely invalidate my feelings, but I also demonized and vilified myself for them. Who was I to be so weak under pressure? How could I call myself strong if I felt so broken? Trudging on lopsided and deteriorating little by little.

Fast forward through years of therapy, coaching, enlightenment, astrology readings, group classes, masterminds, breakthroughs, and breakdowns… Working 50+ hours a week in an unfulfilling job, marriage to someone in the throes of active addiction, childbirth, divorce, giving up everything I’d worked my whole life for, rebuilding as a single mother, finding love again quitting my career, and beginning my journey as an entrepreneur. I became completely incapable of holding the weight. The gift I had so proudly used had become my arch-nemesis. My bungee cord was so thin and unattended for so long that it finally snapped. An organ literally died inside my body. My tough and ironclad exterior was a mask for the decay that lay underneath. Not only was I no longer able to use my gift. I had become incapable of managing my burdens. The weight of my life had become too heavy.

The next year was a simultaneous whirlwind and torturous dragging. My health was deteriorating even more and I became so depressed and sad I no longer knew who was staring back at me in the mirror. Time marched on but I was stuck going through the motions. Until, one night, not long ago, I experienced the second complete breakdown of my entire life. Every single trauma, death, tragedy, legal, and financial hardship replayed in my mind like I was reliving every moment all over again.

In the wake of this breakdown, I had an epiphany. I had been stuffing down my own feelings, experiences, and traumas for so long. I buried them so deeply under the experiences of others. I had invalidated my feelings and stretched my scale so far that I thought it to be irreparable. The following morning, though dehydrated and swollen-faced, I noticed a difference in the way my body felt. I was able to breathe a little deeper and stand a little taller. The haze I had been living in was starting to dissipate. Every morning since that morning, I’ve felt lighter and freer. It wasn’t my gift that was the burden, it was my inability to relinquish control and release the collective experiences and feelings. I was not cursed to exist with an uneven scale. I was meant to bear the weight, mine and others just long enough to allow fresh breath and new perspectives to take over. My scale was slowly and steadily coming back into balance.

The bonds of suppressed emotion are relentless. The scales of justice can never be balanced if the burdens are not lifted. That is where freedom lies. That is where my freedom lies. The freedom is in the release.

#MentalHealth #release #selfrealization #energyexchange #balance #embracingyourgift #releasingtrauma #livedexperience

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Are you Dis-abled? Are you Handicapped? How do you see yourself? How do you think others see you? How do you wish they would see you?

I often think about how I see my situation, how to label myself…am I handicapped? Am I disabled? and what the reality is. To be honest I often worry about how others see me too. It takes a lot to process my limitations and how much my life is affected by my plethora of health challenges…

…on any given day: I may have my feet & legs burning in pain due to the Neuropathy I got from my first HIV drugs; I may need to be in the dark with no sound due to an unrelenting migraine; I may stumble putting on my clothes or fall getting up out of a sofa due to my balance problems; I may drop food on the floor from a shaking fork due to my essential tremors; I may not be able to hear someone unless they are close and facing me … even with my hearing aids on; I may only see blurry images and words without may glasses on; I may find it very uncomfortable to sit in a normal chair due to pain from my back problems; I may get lost searching for words numerous times in a discussion due to brainfog; I may have to refer back to get spelling of a word, going back and forth writing every syllable due to my memory problems; I may be deeply depressed or have exaggerated feelings in what I call my Bipolar Brain; I may get incredibly nervous before being around other people due to my anxiety; I may find myself feeling the pull of my addiction.

Whether it’s one of my multiple physical health problems and/or one of mental health struggles, they are all just part of my daily challenges. So have I “earned” the ability to park in a handicap parking spot? What do I think? Does it bother me when people stare? I have learned I have to do whatever it takes to take care of myself. I have learned to not worry what other people think. It might be a day dealing with one of my “invisible illnesses” or things I am struggling with inside. I look just fine on the outside with what you can see. (except when I’m walking with my trekking poles so I don’t fall), I may be dealing with challenges that they can’t see, can't be seen, and things they can’t even be aware of.

So it's hard for others to know what it's like for me to live with such challenges! Because I am embarrassed and hide them so nobody can know about them, nobody can judge me because of them … but then nobody can understand, nobody can love and support me. I hide them all alone and it’s a very heavy load to carry!


I just spent a whole weekend with my friends on vacation. They were kind and concerned and often offered a hand or reached out to help me …but I declined…

,.. because I have got to practice. I have got to be able to get myself off the floor if I fall when I am home alone. But I think it is also because having them support or assist me means I am unable to take care of my challenges myself, unable to do so because I’m dis-abled! A tough label to own and accept!

#MentalHealth #Disability #Depression #Anxiety #Migraines #COVID19 #BipolarDisorder #RareDisease #MightyTogether #BipolarDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #TheMighty #mighty #Selfcare #Selflove #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #PTSD #HIVAIDS #BackPain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #MemoryLoss #ParkinsonsDisease #Tremors #balance #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #DistractMe #PeripheralNeuropathy

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Friends, I am thankful to be here now, with all of you, and your presence is a blessing in my life as the leaves change and the nights get cool. Enjoy

Autumn Equinox, the 3rd harvest, balance, gratitude and preparation. This is a time to prepare to turn inward, to look at what we have harvested this year, to be thankful that we have enough for ourselves and enough to share with our loved ones.

This is the time when we let go, like the autumn leaves. We release all that no longer serves the highest good, and that which is in the way of our soul's purpose. We choose what to keep and what to let go of. Our inner cycles are a mirror of the cycles of nature.

Rabbi and writer Harold Kushner in The Lord Is My Shepherd suggests that when we contemplate fall's changes, we grow more appreciative of all the beauties that surround us. He writes: The poet Wallace Stevens once wrote, 'Death is the mother of beauty.' What those words say to me is that we cherish the beauty of a sunrise, of a New England autumn, time with family, a relationship, of a child's hug, precisely because those things will not be around forever, and neither will we be around to enjoy them.

This is the anniversary of my Dad’s passing and I rejoice in his spirit and memories of our times together. I send you blessings for peace, prosperity and good health!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Selflove #Selfcare #Disability #PTSD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RareDisease #COVID19 #Migraine #balance #ParkinsonsDisease #BrainFog #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #DistractMe #Hope #happy #Joy #Hugs #TheMighty #MightyTogether