Lung Cancer

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I received some more bad medical news today. I wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared for it and I need time to process the information. I'm terrified, devastated and it put me into an immediate depression.

My chronic Lyme Disease seems to have never gone into remission, like I thought. I'm still infected with Chronic Lyme and Bartonella, assuming Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever too, but that one wasn't tested. I have a lot of unresolved trauma from treating my Lyme disease, and suffering for years.

It took two years to get that diagnosis when I was in my early 20s, having insane symptoms and that's when the suffering really started. I was 21. I started treatment at the age of 23. It was hell, the treatment was intense, painful and made me much sicker. I didn't have the long list of diseases and complications that I do now. I was also much younger and had more energy and spirit then.

Going through that again, with the body and physical ailments I have now, it's seriously frightening. I'm devastated that I didn't find out sooner. I knew that Lyme Disease caused a massive amount of damage in my body, I didn't know that it was still doing that to this day. It's a ton to process for me. I was 24 when my treatment ended. I'm 38 now. I'm feeling hopeless and I have already been tired of fighting. This body doesn't seem to want to live. It's very hard now, the idea of making it harder isn't fathomable to me right now.

I stopped reacting to new diagnoses a long time ago. The last time that I was truly afraid and shocked was when I had a Pulmonary Embolism in 2018. I survived. They are normally deadly. I remember getting the call 6 months later that I had a rare autoimmune blood clotting disorder and a genetic clotting disorder. Blood thinners for life. I didn't react. I literally laughed on the phone. Not because it was funny or not serious, because I couldn't take it anymore but I also wasn't even surprised that something else was wrong. Another one to add to the list.

I had internal struggles when I thought I had lung cancer in 2021. But I knew that I would fight it and I had a plan to be strong like I always am. 5 months later, I found out that it was Sarcoidosis. Also rare and can be deadly. It's a terrible disease. Add it to the list. Later in 2021, Autoimmune Polyneuropathy all over my body - small and large fiber nerve damage everywhere. I was just happy to get it over with and have it in writing finally, rather than my doctors and I just assuming that's what it was. I seem to get a new diagnosis every 12 to 24 months. I've grown used to it.

Today was different. I'm at my max. I just had my nerves burned from my spine a week ago. I'm still in recovery from that. My doctor gave me steroids while I was under without my knowledge or consent, knowing I'm allergic. I don't know why this is my life and why I was chosen to live in my own personal hell since childhood. I started crying while the doctor was talking about treatment options. The idea of going through that again is what set me off. I told her that I barely want to keep fighting now. I don't want to make my life harder.

Yes, I get depressed very often in the last year. I'm overburdened and overwhelmed. I'm angry and I'm sad. I am scared. I live one day at a time. Making distant plans is hard for me. When I get my handouts emailed to me for my intensive trauma class 24 hours prior, I don't even look at them. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I'm here today. Everything that is planned must be in my calendar or it's not real to me.

I hold onto those bit of love that I have in my life. That's what keeps me going. My animals and the important people in my life that share love and compassion with me.

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I dont know if its all the pain Im going through but im missing my mom (passed away from stage 4 liver and lung cancer 2014) so much. Still cant believe she is gone.

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My first post - I’ve been on a bit of a ride

I’m not going to lie. The last few years have been pretty tough. I’m wondering whether others can relate and have any tips.
I am starting to feel like I’m running out of options and am a bit overwhelmed and a little scared. I am suffering derealisation and am having extreme trouble focusing and being consistent.
I started getting answers about my mental health a bit more than 10 years ago. A drug I took to stop smoking cigarettes precipitated a hypomanic episode which landed me in with a psychiatrist. After many sessions I left with a diagnosis of CPTSD and BPD ‘traits’. The diagnosis helped me make sense of my whole life.
I have luckily been relatively high-performing, and so I continued on with a stressful career in public relations - so many short term jobs where I valued and then devalued people before moving on. In hindsight I can see this career choice was the worst I could have made as it is triggering and completely exhausting. Why did I choose such a difficult career! (Probably prestige and no help from my alcoholic narcissistic parents).
Just before the COVID pandemic I broke up with my partner, then went through lockdowns, and then when things seemed to start becoming stable, I suddenly became the primary carer for my older brother who spent 16 months declining with lung cancer before he passed away. I was the only person in the family prepared to help like this. My caring role was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it raised every conceivable triggering issue I have with my family and my parents.
When my brother passed I took some solo travel in the US and Europe and had a great time (though I did meet a vulnerable narcissist which was not so good). Here is a photo I took in Venice - such a pretty place!
So now I’m back in my home country, 50, unemployed, struggling to even think of work and feeling more exhausted than I’ve ever felt before.
I’d be interested in how others navigate complex life situations.
I did book a session with a psychiatrist but not much else planned.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my Ted Talk. I hope others are doing better :-) #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD

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Living a healthy lifestyle while on treatment for NSCLC adenocarcinoma with an EGFR 19 del

I’m struggling with finding a balance so that I can go out and be with friends and family. I so often am
feeling like I can’t keep up or just not fun to be with. Being diagnosed and on medication for lung cancer the side effects keep knocking me down & I’m #fomo with having so many other illnesses #Fibromyalgia #Osteoarthritis #LungCancer #ChronicPain #lumbarspinepain #severefatique
#ics #bps #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS

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RIP Momma #LungCancer

My mom passed after about 2 year battle I took care of her till the end. My heart is broken my best friend and wonderful mother is not here anymore. My question that I can't stop asking is where is she? Where did this majestic soul go? Did God need her more than us??? I miss her so much it. Hurts...why does this happen to good people? I am broken daughter is broken and my mom is gone 😢😢☹️