makingchanges

I am Officially 60 days sober today! Its been a difficult road and a long journey but I am truly proud of how far I have come. A huge thank you to my recovery coach, Lisa and Amanda who has always been on my side, encouraging me along the way. I am writing this to share some about my recovery road, and open up to others about just how far I have come. Addiction had always been a part of My life, unfortunately my mother was a very heavy drug addict, who came to me with a plate of cocaine at 14 years old, and said "do some with me, cause I have nobody else to do this with." I was smoking crack with my mother by the age of 15. There is SO MUCH sadness in my heart to explain the loss I have and carry with me, every single day, because she died from her addiction. She died from a combination of drugs.. cocaine, heroin, fentanyl, and methadone. The cops told me that they had been theee many times to revive her with narcan. She didn't want to get help, and couldn't quit on her own. I can honestly say the same about myself, in the beginning I didn't want help and I truly didn't want to get or be sober but now I embrace only sobriety and happiness in my life. Although it's so hard, and never gets easier, and it's sad to say the cravings don't go away, but I have become a much better stronger version of myself that I never even knew existed its wonderful to find joy and sobriety in places, things and situations i wouldnt be able to feel a thing in, wrapped into destruction, numb from the drugs. If you know someone with a drug addiction, try not to judge and try to understand that us drug addicts never chose addiction. We dont wake up one day and want to become a drug addict. Drug addicts have an unlimited source and strong amount of pain, that we then treat with drugs or alcohol to numb ourselves. And that becomes our only way and form of a coping mechanism. I view drug addiction, like how I view dissacociating. Dissacociating and Trauma: You are disconnected from your own body, You are standing to the side or above your body, You are watching your life, but feeling nothing. Who you are has permanently changed. The world is foggy or abstract, You are uncertain about where you start and where you end. You are uncertain about where others start or end. You experience memory loss, And have different internal personalities.

So really if your caught up in drug addiction,you lose yourself and no longer get to experience being yourself. When you embrace Sobriety and truly become Sober, you get yourself, and more back. You get to feel so deeply again, and get to reach a part of yourself that was simply buried and unreachable with drug abuse. Experience your own self in ways that you couldn't even ever imagine. You get to fully love yourself again, and that is by far the best part of Sobriety. #Sobriety #SOBER #soberlooksgoodonyou #Addiction #loveyourself #positivemotivation #everyday #peerrecoverycoach #makingchanges #improveyourself #workonyourself

Every notebook or journal I currently possess has at one time or another somehow turned into my to-do list book. Well, I think that's part of my problem is I don't actually give myself space to NOT worry about what I need to do next. So I'm going to erase the two pages of old to-dos in this gorgeous journal and use this for my self care check-in book--as was my intention when I bought it! I want to use this for poetry, prose, personal musings, open letters, etc. No to do lists, no life organization tactics. Just writing for me. #Journaling #Selfcare #makingchanges #selfawareness #tryingtotreatmyselfbetter #hopeitsnotdumbtobeproudrn