everyday

Lord Willing

When you take right and wrong out of the equation/situation, you are left with reality.
The only thing that is constant is change. The only thing we ever really have in now. This very present moment.
A friend of mine passed away on November 8th, 2022. One of my younger brother’s birthday along with my late step-father’s birthday is November 7th. These two dates will always be a reminder to me of our mortality. Of both life and death. Reality. We live and then we eventually die. This is the cycle of life as we know it. Change. Here one day and gone the next.
I miss my friend, but i truly believe that he is in a better place. I am relieved that he is no longer in pain. He was suffering through a lot of pain in his latter days. He told me so a week before his passing. Rest in paradise (R.I.P.) my friend. It was an honor to have crossed paths with you.
Something like this happens on Saturday November 8th and I was back out Monday morning November 10th looking for a day labor job to work in order to pay my bills. As much as I miss my friend, I still have to take care of my day-to-day responsibilities
How is a person supposed to deal with this situation? What is the right and what is the wrong way to cope and conduct one’s self during these situations? How do I maintain?
Is it right or wrong that my friend passed away so suddenly? It’s reality. It's a part of life.
I remember the last time I saw him. Moment.
I will no longer see him around and be able to talk to him about the weather, the Saints, jazz music, and how Louisiana has the best food in the world. (It really does).
So I ask again.
Is it right or wrong that my friend passed away so suddenly?
I don’t know if it’s right. I don’t know if it’s wrong. It’s real.
I pray that I make it to see 46 years of age. Lord willing.
I am determined to bring my good intentions to fruition. Lord willing.
I want and need to help people significantly. I will help people significantly. Lord willing.
It’s about time. I owe you all my life and what ever gifts, compassion, and positive influences that I have to offer.
I am currently 44 years old. I want to have a good answer when God askes me “What have you done for children?”
Grief is a part of mental illness that can be difficult to deal with as is PTSD, Complex PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and all other types of mental illnesses. These issues affect us at different times with different degrees of trauma.
That’s why these sites, groups, blogs, and discussions are so helpful. I appreciate the help and support everyone provides on The Mighty. For many of us, our resources are so limited. I want to help people but sometimes it can be so exhausting just trying to run a couple of day-to-day errands.
There’s no exact or even approximate time table for how long the affects of grief will last. There’s no schedule for what days it will hurt and the number on a scale of one to ten it will affect you.
And I have to go to work tomorrow.

… Lord willing.

#everyday

Feel like I need to do 'something' outside of the house every day, but not wanting to overdo it

#Outside , #everyday , #pacing #Reflecting

Right now, I’m battling so much in my head I just want to scream. I hate myself and the way I am. I hate the way I talk, the way I think, the way I react to things, the way I look, the fact I’m so weak with my battles with addiction, the fact I’m a failure of a person in entirety.
Every day I question, what it is I’m even putting into this world and come up with nothing.
Every day I question, would anyone actually care if I left for good?
Every day I question, why I’m even here at all.
I’m not living, I just exist. Flowers put more into the world then I do.
I feel like I steal the oxygen I breathe everyday. Maybe that’s why I damage my lungs as much as possible and neglect treatments for them even when I can’t talk my asthma is so bad.
I feel like I’ve wasted every day of my life.
I know I’m not worth the time, resources and effort it takes to be a part of society, maybe that’s why I close off from it.
I’ve felt like this so long nobody takes me seriously anymore, so there’s no point in talking about it anymore.
Maybe that’s why they call me kalamity kay.

Hello everyone xx this is my 1st post on here, i really don't know where to start, Im 37, got 3 kids, who don't live at home, I'm in a beautiful relationship with my partner, he's amazing, I've had a traumatic childhood, I'm a recovering addict, im 21 months clean and sober from drugs , I lost my Grandad 22nd August 2017, 2 years ago today, I lost my Grandma on the 13th June, this year, I'm heartbroken, and last sunday, i lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide, and also i week prior, my best friends mum passed, she was lovely, I've stayed clean and sober through all this, and I'm usually the strong one, but I'm falling to pieces emotionally, I have 4 diagnosed mental health illnesses too, eeek im tired ! Rest in peace Grandma and Grandad, Roisin, and Sheila xxxx