selfawareness

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Good grief a book that opened my eyes. #enlightenment #selfawareness

I have been struggling with my mental health for the last several months. I am pregnant and honestly just chalked it up to that. My depression has gotten better but I am still lacking something fierce in motivation. It was really starting to freak me out that it's been seven months and I haven't gotten back on my feet. I've never been down this long at least not for a long long time I thought I was better than this?? My anxiety was rampant and some days leaving the house seemed incredibly terrifying. And it made me feel even worse when I was judged about it. Told I'm just choosing to be this way and I need to act like an adult. That I'm just lazy and immature and don't realize how serious it is I'm about to be a mother and need to step it up. When really that's all I think about. I feel so guilty being what feels like crippled by these emotions and thoughts. I felt like there has to be something wrong with me something deeper. Am I just crazy? Am I broken? Am I that selfish? What is it?? I am trying my hardest every day to keep the negative thoughts away and do things that will help me and try to focus on and surround myself with positivity. But I'm easily discouraged by these comments about my character. Nevertheless, I stay trying. I have been feeling a lot better now that I will have a few weeks to myself without prying eyes or unnecessary comments. And the other day I finally decided to pick up the book I was loaned a while ago. I never thought I'd take the time to read it after all I wasn't grieving anyone I felt “fine”.

I have never been so wrong in my life.

Reading this woman's story about the loss of her husband and her journey reached far into my heart and dragged out all the emotions and feelings I've apparently been suppressing.
I suffered the loss of my best friend a little over a year ago. It derailed my entire life and left me gasping for air. It affected every aspect. I grieved heavily for a few months before getting distracted by some asshole but we won't get into that as I already have in my other posts. And then there was a couple months of intermission but I was mostly distracted by the break up. And then I met my now partner and we are expecting so there goes yet another distraction.
It never really occurred to me that I am in fact still grieving my best friend's death. After all, I wasn't crying about him I did miss him and thought about him every day but I was mostly stressing about my problems and the roles expected of me. At least that's what made sense.
My partner has never expressed jealousy or displeasure in me being sad or talking about my best friend passing and missing him but something just felt wrong about it to me.
Maybe just bc my ex Was jealous and a jerk about it🤷🏻‍♀️
So I never brought it up or thought about it really. But subconsciously I was missing the heck out of my bff and it devasted me.
He was always there for me when I needed him. He didn't always know what to say but he always had my back and would get me out of the house when I was going through heartbreak. We worked together and he made work bearable. He believed in me and encouraged me to remain strong when I was down and made me feel beautiful in his own way. I could honestly go on and on. And that's why I think I get even more sad now because now he is the reason I am sad and he's not here to help me get back on my feet. 💔

Reading this book and seeing how grief was affecting her began to feel like I was reading about myself. The closure I felt with gaining self-understanding made my eyes well up with tears.
I'm not broken or crazy.
I am grieving.
And that is something I can work on and heal from.
I can get better.
Everything seems achievable now. Hope is making its way back into my heart. I feel relief.
I decided I wanted to find a grief group for support. I found a place only a few minutes away and am waiting to hear back from them that I can start attending the group sessions. It's not much but its a start.
There is a giant hole in my heart from where my best friend used to live. I am ready to begin my healing journey and find myself again.

There is no set time for you to grieve.
It is different for all of us. But we all deserve a safe place to talk about the ones we've loved and lost. And we all deserve healing and happiness. And we all deserve to feel related to and heard. I welcome all and any advice anyone has about how they helped themselves heal after the loss of a loved one. And I hope others who are in the same boat as me find their path to healing as well💕

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No one talked about it.

No one talked about it. Yanno talk about mental health, any aspect relative to it..

My parents didn't tell me about any of it. They didn't give me any warnings or prepare me for what life could throw my way. They were too caught up on their own messy life struggling with their own mental health, but forgot the ones who relied on them were struggling too.

Adults in my life didn't talk about the reality of how hard life can be, all the emotions you will feel and how to deal with them especially pain (personally the hardest one), the confusing series of events you may go through, or how to even cope with loosing someone you loved.

There was too much left unsaid, not understood, lingering questions with no one to give answers I desperately needed as a child. I had to learn everything the hard way when it never had to be that way, it could've been so different.

So here I am talking about anything and everything. I couldn't continue the cycle which was never acknowledged to even have the chance to be broken..

Here I still am. I'm still here and there's a reason for that. I've gone through so much trauma, hardship, health issues, and pain by age 26. Neverminded the struggles and difficultly navigating my way through life and healing as a single mom of two beautiful daughters, ages 7 and soon-to-be 3 year old.

No one talked about it, but I talk about it now. I will continue to always discuss mental health and every aspect relative to it, especially with my children.

#Childhood #Stigma #genrationaltrauma #Breakthecycle #Family #MentalHealth #Awareness #Parenting #Life #Pain #Communication #Children #Singlemom #hardship #survive #speakout #childrensvoices #Health #advocate #makechange #Hope #childrenarethefuture #teachchildren #selfawareness #healingjourney

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Time to look within

This may not end up being a very well-liked post, but nonetheless I feel led to share it.

I pride myself on being a nonjudgmental person. I strive to put aside differences in favor of relationship.

This view of myself has recently been challenged as I am beginning to believe we all have a tendency to stigmatize others, even if it is subconscious, due to cultural upbringing. In the past several months, I have befriended two individuals, one of which practices a different faith than I do, and the other who has a lifestyle that contrasts with my traditional conservative values. My experience with them, connecting with them online and before I learned of these differences, has brought to light the fact that had I met them knowing of these differences, I would have been less inclined to see them for who they really are, amazing, thoughtful, and kind people. Before we point fingers at others for their stigmatizing beliefs, maybe we should look within to see if we, ourselves, are unknowingly doing it to others. This in no way excuses the stigmatization of others, just like their behavior in no way excuses ours.

"First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.". - Matthew 7:5

#TheMighty #MightyTogether #Stigma #StopTheStigma #Judgement #selfawareness

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Self Imposed Prison - Trapped in my own mind

When my world came crashing down, I was forced to find my way in the world. Every bad decision I made altered the course of my life. I was stuck in a rut as my father described it. Unfortunately for me; it was much worse than that.

The rut was one thing and the need to pull myself out of it was ever present. Sadly the rut was only the beginning of a life-time of negative emotions and regret. I wish I could have experienced the trauma and continued with a positive attitude and I did attempt to forget about the people who hurt me. No matter how hard I tried to forget and move on I was stuck reliving the trauma over and over again.

Angry, sadness and revenge continuously played on my mind. As time has passed I just wanted some closure from the incident as it is forever haunting me. Even an apology would make me feel a little better instead I am stuck in self-loathing and misery while the people who hurt me continue on as though nothing happened.

While everyone my age was having a good time and enjoying their youth, I would spend each weekend isolating in my room. Weekends trying to forget what happened to me with the help of marijuana. I was my own worst enemy, imprisoned and desperate for a solution. Just like everything else in my life - I was looking for an easy fix. An easy fix which I am still looking for to this day

I have come to realise that trauma will be ever present in my life. It has become a part of me whether I like it or not. The victim mindset has plagued me for years and I need to make a change. I need to let go of the negativity and anger once and for all.

#Recovery #PTSD #Depression #selfmedicate #Sadness #Pain #hurt #suffering #Addiction #Hatred #Jealousy #anger #despair #gloom #Doom #Love #Support #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Friendship #Family #people #places #things #control #Emotion #sad #feelingbetter #Slowly #Survivor #illness #struggle #adversity #Sabotage #selfawareness #Reflection

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My on going battle with my inner critics. #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #HSP #Selflove #selfawareness

I have been on a very long journey struggling with #depression , #Anxiety and #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder . It took me yeas to figure out the whys. You see I’m an #HSP . It also took me years until coming across the work of Elaine Aron. Her research helped me understand some of my “whys”.

I now believe I was born with the innate temperament and personality of someone who is a deep processor, always needing to understand the meaning of the world around me. To be attuned to sudleties of what I was seeing….facial expressions, hearing….tones of voices , the energy around people. I was one of those children who everyone thought I was shy. Maybe I was but maybe I wasn’t. I believe I was just one of those children who was just able to pay attention to everything around me..I was always observing. I was very in tune and “sensitive” to the emotions around me, I have the capacity of a very strong empath. With all of this made me so easily overstimulated. This overstimulated and overwhelmed my nervous system from day 1. I was born in freeze. I couldn’t run or fight so I got stuck in freeze. That’s how I manage overwhelming situations…I crash….. I have had 3 major breakdowns.

I was not born into a violent home, but it was a chaotic and anxious one. I only found out last year that we literally moved the day my mother and I left the hospital. Was on a train to another city and new home. I was the 4th child. My eldest sister was only 6 at the time. My father was finishing his studies and that was the priority it seems. You see my father was a grandiose narcissist and in our household only his wants were focused on and still were until he passed away in 2021. A wife and 4 children were not necessarily as high on that list of priorities. How can there be peace and calmness with 4 children. A 6yr old, a 5yr, a 3yr and a newborn.

I was always told I was a screamer, crying and having tantrums. I wasn’t suffering from colic or anything like that. Unfortunately instead of hugs, nurturing and assurances all my earliest memories were of frustration and impatience. My brother who was only 3 years older than me used to torment me and get me riled up. My mother used to come and yell at me to stop crying so eventually I did. I’m 53 years old and I still rarely cry.

I mention the above to express that there does not need to be extreme traumatic events to impact a person’s ability to shut down their nervous system to the point of being able to shut down their emotional responses. To become disconnected and find ways to dissociate away from feeling.

It may seem like a leap to get to why I posted the image with a list of inner critics.

I came across a Ted talk about dealing with uncomfortable emotions a few years ago (Joan Rosenberg emotional mastery on YouTube if anyone is interested)

After watching it recently it was finally beginning to register that I need to connect to my feelings but there was so much internal resistance. For me I had been already working with the concepts Internal Family Systems (IFS). This approach has the understanding that each of us are made up all these “parts” of self. If dealing with trauma of any kind the fragmented a person can become. I at a young age compartmentalize my emotions.

My inner critics become the most viscous parts of me as they want to protect my most vunerable and sensitive parts of me. For me without this way of exploring what gets in my way I just continue in circles. Stuck in my own head and just believing I’m just fundamentally screwed up and only able to identify what’s wrong with me. That depression, anxiety, bipolar and CPTSD are life sentences I cannot escape.

Working on managing my emotions and working with parts work especially my inner critics I’m finally taking charge. The Ted talks helped me realize that my “inner critics” were not letting any of my emotions flow naturally. In their misguided way think it’s helps. All those times I got upset for my emotional responses. The weird paradox of having bad feelings about havin* feelings in the first place. This is a very unhealthym unhelpful viscous circle. This may not make sense to anyone but maybe it will. This has taken me years of struggling, suffering. Years of on and off therapy. A deep processing mind that just kept looking for anything that made sense to me. So lots of trials and errors.

It’s not easy work but it a very tangible course of action that I’m conquering my mind for a change rather then my mind always conquering me. That’s why I’m sharing the image with the list of inner critics. When they are left in charge my life is miserable. I need to show them empathy and compassion. Thank them for protecting me all these years but they can back down because my innate sensitive, empathic authentic self is getting strong enough to take charge.

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Egogram (Why i left Instagram)

The last major social media site i used was IG. I am a creative person and i used it for that purpose. I was kind to others, tried to be real in my posts and also supportive of others who were creative people or those who enjoyed my creativity.

Over time i met artists in a few areas that i have appreciated for years. Many of them were very kind privately but publicly adhered to this role of having to maintain a public facing ego. At the end of the day what mattered was numbers of likes, follower counts and feeling better than others it seemed although privately they were genuinely great people.

None of this probably is a surprise to anyone here reading this but after awhile i found it difficult to watch other people, creative or not, well known or not, feel as though their self worth depended on like and follower counts. It became incredibly depressing to see people liking their own posts to increase counts to inflate their status in some artificial way. It became so obvious none of it was healthy no matter how many genuine connections could be made there, the platform itself was the issue.

I had stopped using other major social media long before IG was the only one left. Extremism and negativity that prevails on all sides of every issue became overwhelming and i saw it for how nonsensical and toxic it is.

Now i spend my time offline mostly or when i'm online viewing content and not participating on platforms that deliver it otherwise (YouTube, private Twitter to see news on things i follow / enjoy / am interested in).

For years as i struggled with my own mental health i felt as though i was unhealthy, but the more i pay attention, the more i see in the world around me...

I see how far i've come and how well i'm doing considering the health issues i have. I'm not attacking people online, arguing with strangers, yelling into the void picking fights, and i'm no longer spending my time being depressed by seeing good people get turned into egomaniacs seeking likes and followers on IG.

I may not be perfect, i may still struggle at times, but as far as i can see in 2022 given life on Earth in general, i'm doing pretty well considering and that's what counts.

#SocialMedia #Instagram #Ego #MentalHealth #Awareness #selfawareness #OnlineHealth #online #Society #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #PTSD #Perspective

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5 Types of Self-Care for Your Mental Health

I found this post on one of The Mighty's stories and felt it would be useful if shared :)

Read it when you have time

Have a good day

Don't give up :)

#selfcare #selfawareness #happylife #dontgiveup

There are five different types of self-care: physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and professional care.

1. Physical self-care

While physical self-care can be anything from a Netflix binge to a day at the spa, there are many other activities you can do to enhance your overall physical well-being to contribute to better overall mental health. Examples of this include: eating healthier, getting regular exercise, wearing clothes you like, or taking time out of your day to get your hair or makeup done or getting. While many of these activities might be considered more “superficial,” I think they are essential to maintaining lower levels of stress. So go ahead and go to your favorite beauty store and splurge on one of those bath bombs for a night in the tub — you deserve it!

2. Emotional self-care

Digging a bit deeper now; emotional self-care is often simply the act of allowing yourself to feel your emotions for what they are — with little to no judgement. This can be especially hard at first, but the more you do it the better you can become. Some activities in this area include finding things that make you laugh, complimenting yourself when you look in the mirror, allowing yourself to cry when you feel sad, spending time with loved ones and re-reading/re-watching your favorite book or movie until you can recite every line word for word.

3. Psychological self-care

In my opinion, this is one of the most neglected areas of self-care that most people (including my past self) are lacking engagement in. For instance, it’s OK to say “no” to extra responsibilities in your life. This is a very small but effective way you might be able to reduce stress. Some other activities in this area include engaging your intelligence in other topics (like going to an art exhibit or history museum), be curious for a day, practice receiving compliments well from others, make time for self-reflection and last but not least, pay attention to your inner experience (thoughts, feelings, attitudes and so on). You might be surprised at how even doing one of these activities a couple times a week can have a positive effect on your mood.

4. Spiritual self-care

Whether you believe in God, Allah, Buddha, are agnostic or atheist, it’s important to embed spiritual self-care into your daily routine. In this case, spiritual doesn’t refer to religion or believing in a sort of higher being (although, it absolutely can if that is what helps you). Instead, in this sense, spiritual self-care is the act of getting in touch with your inner human spirit and soul. Some examples of this include contributing to causes you care about (donating money or volunteering), meditating, spending time in nature, engaging in inspirational videos or literature and highlighting the nonmaterial aspects of life. I realize that some of these suggestions may be vague, but they can be done simply by thought or writing them down in a journal. Essentially, everyone is different and it’s up to you to engage in whatever form of makes you feel best!

5. Professional self-care

Engaging in professional self-care is essential for those in the workforce, however, these examples can be easily applicable to those still in school. Some of these examples are very basic, yet often missed throughout a busy work or school day. They include: taking time to chat with coworkers/peers, decorating your workspace to your liking, balancing your workload (literally meaning taking breaks as needed), developing an outside hobby or area of interest and creating a quiet and reserved area to get your work done. Ultimately, when you are able to give your professional life balance, lessened stress may allow you to succeed in other areas of life.

All in all, the best things in life come with balance. While certain stress in life can be necessary and even beneficial in some situations (hey, we’ve all put off our work until the last minute and felt the surge of adrenaline to help us turn it in on time), it’s easy for everyday events to become overly stressful and unmanageable. Yet, change isn’t easy. It’s said that it takes about 25 days for something to become a habit. In the process of incorporating some, if not all of the topics listed, I highly recommend doing one thing at a time at your own pace. This way you can see how each aspect of self-care benefits your mental health, and you won’t become overly critical of yourself if you miss the gym one day, forget to take a break, or fail to spend more time with yourself. After all, life is just a journey in which we should do our best to enjoy it and not be too critical of ourselves when we don’t need to.

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Dealing with ADHD

For me, ADHD is all about short attention spans, energy management and actually remembering the plan.

Today, I wake up and chose to be better. As you can predict, my sentences won't be long.

I minimized the things in my living space, threw away all the " I can live without this " things and only kept absolutely necessary stuff around me.

It helps me give my attention to things that really need it. and i am hoping to apply the same to my thoughts, life style decisions and mindset.

After all, life is all about perspectives.

Have a good day

Don't give up :)

#ADHD #adhdinadults #Adhdinwomen #selfawareness

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Calm is a superpower…#calm #Thoughts #selfawareness #MentalHealth #Philosophy

Bruce Lee was a Hong Kong American actor, filmmaker, martial artist, and the inventor of Jeet Kune Do, a style of martial arts. He was also an impressive philosopher who had a brilliant outlook on life.

These are my favorite bits of advice from him.

1. Be yourself no matter what.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

2. Don’t be afraid to own your mistakes.
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.”

3. Don’t waste your time on nothing.
“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”

4. Always go with the flow.
“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”

5. Don’t anger on a whim.
“A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough.”

6. Humble yourself.
“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”

7. Whatever you do, give it your all.
“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”

8. Life is about more than yourself.
“Real living is living for others.”

9. Strengthen your endurance.
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”

10. Develop love wherever you go.
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”

11. Keep it positive.
“As you think, so shall you become.”

(From tracking.truthfinder. com)

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I Don't know how to gain confidence disabled like I had when I was able..

I thought I had as much natural confidence when I was able, productive & was part of society, but since being chronically ill, losing mobility & the supportive networks through not understanding this level of chronic illness has changed all of that. All of these situations I understand, I forgive too as it was all misunderstood. I have knocked my confidence within going through these situations repeatedly. I don't know how to build confidence back up. How do I gain confidence to something I never felt confident with? I became disabled in my late teens but instead of being encouraged to learn how to live at that level of disablity I was told repeatedly by healthcare & family that I just needed to try harder, think better to control the pain to make it a level I can still be able at. For 9 years this was said to me by everyone accept my amazing husband & my mother in-law, who were the ones who saw my symptoms daily, 9 years I'd been offered therapy to "fix" something I was born with. Only, when I was 5 & dealing with this disabling level I was told it was "bone sickness" & something that would cure once the infection cleared, then it was due to growing once the bone pain didn't go completely with the infection. At 19 it became disabling & they told me it was due to surivivng truama in my early teens although it always felt like it did when I was 5.

Now, I'm confident in what I experience within my body since being diagnosed correctly with hEDS. I know my pain is real & isn't related or caused by truama or emotional stress. Now I know, yet I still have all of the negative words I heard over the years telling me I'm not trying hard enough & somewhere along the line that became "you're not enough" I don't know how to undo that. Where do I start? I love myself unconditionally, I know I'm enough but I still feel like that "you are not enough" has been put on me by society in every way, on every level externally, repeatedly, since the day I became disabled in late teens. I'm not a teen now but I feel like I'm finding myself again externally & I don't know how to build that confidence again. I feel like I'm in a mid life crisis at 28 from being diagnosed correctly. 😂 I'm now trying to get a health team together who understand hEDS & my other illnesses. I know there's a lot of changes & this is a journey. But I'd like a head start on the confidence building whilst disabled. Me & my husband lost our 20's due to this & I'd like to experience our 30's 😂 Any advice would be highly appreciated!! #newlydiagnosed #DisabilityAdvocacy #Selfcare #selfawareness

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